They're going to come to light tonight, but not for the last time

So, yesterday was my 16th birthday. I got a huge surprise party. It was basically amazing.

Here is a list of presents I got and who I got them from.

Sierra: Oh, Gravity! by Switchfoot
Andrew: The same thing as Sierra, so he's going to exchange it and get me something different.
Tonia: Super cute shirt thing and lip gloss (I think the lip gloss was from Tonia at least).
Andy: Family Christian Bookstore gift card. Oh, but he didn't buy it for me. He got for Christmas. He didn't even know how much was on it. Yep. That's my brother. *stare* But I love him anyway even if he's a bad gift giver. *laugh*
Kacy: Bookmark that his mom made. *giggle*
Daniel: Earrings that his sister made. *giggle again* They are such boys.
Makensie: Hot chocolate, apple cider (In little just add water packets, too. Weird, huh?), a game I'm just borrowing, another mug, and little peppermint sticks to put in my hot chocolate.
Emily: Sound of Melodies by Leeland. So far it's a really really really good CD.
Kristin: Singing Back To You by The Swift. Also pretty good.
Lenna: Black nail polish, pinkish reddish maroonish nail polish, fuzzy slipper sock things, awesome swirly glittery pencils that aren't mechanical.
Jessica: Family Christian Bookstore gift card (she actually knew how much was on hers) and a really nice card.
Mom and Dad: mp3 player
Real siblings: knitting stuff that makes a funky scarf and hat.

So yeah. I'm still kind of taking it all in. *grin* It was really cool. Yeah. That's about all I can think of to say.

Love you guys!



You're telling me that there's no hope, I'm telling you you're wrong

Today I went shopping with my mom and sister and got some awesome stuff. Here is a nice list:

Pajama bottoms that are awesome
Rubber boots (yes, I'm serious) that are awesome
Knee socks that are awesome
Guitar strap that is awesome
Mascara that is not really as awesome as most things but makes me look a tad nicer
Jump rope that is awesome
I forget what else.

So I had fun and I think Mom and Sophie did too. I also got a white chocolate mocha. I forgot about that one. Yes. I also haven't opened my jump rope, so I'm going to go do that now.

Mara Tenille


After all this time I never thought we'd be here

Gosh. Why am I so emo lately? I'm thinking too hard or something. I don't even really have anything to be emo over. Psh. Whatever.

So! I got some pretty awesome presents. Including a tea kettle, an electric guitar amp, a butterfly ring, and some scrapbooking stuff. It was pretty exciting and stuff. And on Saturday I'll get more presents! And then next Monday I'll get even more! And I'll (hopefully) get my license!

I'm far too thinkative today, I think. (heh. Ironic.) Or maybe I'm fine, and I just want it to go away. Really, I just want to be understood. It gets annoying not having anyone to talk to about some things, whether it's because the people you normally talk to wouldn't get it or it's just not something you want them to know or you don't think they want to talk about it. It's not like there are these heavy issues I want to work out, but still, it's nice to have somebody to talk to. I don't know. Whatever.

I think I'm a butterfly again.

I've eaten too much food the last couple days and I am going to gain a bazillion pounds. Well. Probably not, but it feels like it. And I could eat more. That's the sad part.

I am listening to the song that's been stuck in my head for the last week. Blind by Lifehouse. I adore this song.

Life goes on.



Behind your eyes there's a light

I forgot to tell Adri that I was wearing the only perfume I own, which is Tommy Hilfiger, and I really like it. Today must be special, because it gets three blog posts. This concludes the posting spree.


Jesus doesn't hate Santa Clause, because he knows Santa only does his job

Merry Christmas! It is almost Christmassy here kind of. It never really ever feels like Christmas it seems. It's always just one other day that's not quite the same and that begs for attention from shoppers and little kids who watch too much TV. It wants to feel like Christmas every year, but it seems like it never really does. It's like birthdays, and how you never feel like you've grown up any differently than any other day when it finally gets to your birthday. But it actually kind of feels like Christmas. Like a special day.

I cleaned out my dresser and got rid of bunches of clothes. It was good but I'm sad because I really like my clothes. I still have lots, and I'll probably be getting more. However, I must say, I have some really awesome clothes as it is.

I am listening to Happy Christmas Volume 4. I love this CD. Everyone should go buy it for themselves and their best friend, since it's Christmastime and all.

Whoa. According to Aspell, Christmastime is one word. I didn't know that until I typed it up there. Weeeiiirrrd.

My CD stopped. *sad*

I wrapped my sister's present. It looks Christmassy and stuff.

Tomorrow morning I go to church and sing and then we go home and clean for a little bit and then family comes over and we open presents and then we go back to church and I might sing again at the end and then come home and eat!

Mara, who is still a dragonfly.

So please come to your window, I've been throwing rocks all night

Is it just me or have my blog titles been rather emo lately? Hmm. Weird.

My birthday is in 7 days! I'm excited. Christmas Eve is tomorrow, which is insane. It will be fun though. I am singing tomorrow night at the service with Andrew, who's going to play piano and not sing, even though he could and it would sound really pretty. I'm playing guitar with the song a little bit too. It should be pretty good.

Today we are going to Aunt Deb's house for Christmas. I'm not going to delve any further into this topic.

Only One by Lifehouse is on right now. I like this song a lot and I always forget it. I really, really like Lifehouse. If I really thought about it, they would probably be on my top five. That said, I think right now I will make a semi-thought-through top five for your enjoyment. I think I've done this before.

House of Heroes
Relient K

Probably not in that order, but you know, whatever. I'd have to really sit and think about bands and all those aspects that make a band good and all.

Anyway. I need to go now.

Mara, who is a dragonfly today, and not a butterfly.


You swear you are better, but better doesn't make it alright

Today I am going to see two movies. In a little bit I will leave to go see The Nativity Story with my family and some other families, and tonight I will see another movie which I can't remember with a group of my friends. It will be pretty awesome.

My drummer is leaving for Chicago this afternoon. So Bassist and Guitarist and I will be practicing all by ourselves until he gets back, like, a week before our next show. Yeah. Crazy. We need more music, too. This is going to be interesting.

It's funny how people care about you one minute and the next they don't really care and then they just go back and forth and it drives you insane. Yeah. I know a few people like that. I can also be like that at times. It's really stupid. Don't be like that.

I smell good because I put perfume on. I feel all royal and elegant or something. It's... weird.


Watch that. It's funny.



I don't even know, please try to understand these feelings that words cannot explain

The show went well. It was really laid back, so it was hard to make it go badly.

Emily isn't answering her phone. This is annoying.

I might be going to an uberlate movie tomorrow night with some friends! It will be awesome.

I blogged on my purevolume today.

Yeeeaaaahhh there's not much to write about.



Everything is wrong but everything will become right

This post needs to be colored.

It's interesting to think about who would be at your funeral if you died today. Who would cry for you and who would speak for you and who would even show up. Hmm. I would express my ponderings, but they aren't really wording themselves in a way that makes any sense. *shrug*

I babysat today. And had my algebra final. Both went pretty well.

So, I had this algebra thing (that counts for 1/4 of my semester test grade) that I did really badly on. So I was whining about this to MathBoy about how I didn't want to pull my grade down (I'm getting an A so far) and he figured out that even if I get a complete zero on the rest of my test, the worst that could happen is I would pull my grade down to a C-. Which is still really bad, but it made me feel a little better to know that I won't flunk out of Algebra. I have no idea why I am blogging about this, but whatever I guess. It's my blog.

Tomorrow is the Christmas party that the band is playing at. I'm excited. It should be really fun. We have one song that has an awesome guitar soloish, and one song that has some hXc action, and one song that Bassist sings in, and one song that I'm playing keyboard on. It will be really cool!

Well. I'm going to go do something productive now.



I thought that I could change you, but you changed me

Have I used that song as a title before? Hmm...

Today was skit practice and hangout time. It was pretty good. Then I babysat. Now I'm home listening to music and IMing people. And trying to finish a song.

I won't mention Eat. Sleep. Repeat. again. Unless I can't help it.

I still haven't gotten my card!

Tomorrow is Sunday.

Yep. That's it.



Get back on the front page, baby

So, that last post was the 50th post. Hooray!

Awww, thanks Adri! I am excited to get it! If it gets here before my actual birthday am I allowed to open it early, or do I have to wait until the 30th?

Smallhansboi, am I still not allowed to buy/ask for Eat. Sleep. Repeat.?

School was fine today. Not terribly out of the ordinary. Talked to Kacy, talked to Sawyer, talked to Shelbi, talked to Emily (she was there for a tennis meeting), talked to some other people probably, same old same old. Except I didn't have to ride the bus today.

Guitar lessons went well. Little Ben is doing quite well, considering he's 7. I'm impressed.

Baby Grace is sick. So you all know.

I babysat Carter and Owen. We watched most of Superman Returns, and will continue watching it on Saturday when I babysit them again.

I like shoes. That makes me sound horrifically girly, but it's true.

I should go sleep now.

Mara, Queen of the Fairy Princesses With Big Machine Guns


I don't believe in miracles, but I believe in you

Today was an interesting day. I was in a really bad mood by the time I got to Lighthouse, but then it got better and then it was good the rest of the night. Tonight I got some tea and a mug and a really pretty butterfly ring from my Secret Santa who turned out to be Makensie. I love her. She's awesome. School was alright. I'm tired, but I want to try and record some stuff really quick. I should probably get on that soon. Tomorrow I have to meet Emily by the pop machines at 9:30 if Mrs. Ronca will let me. I will ask her. I'm sure she'll let me leave, since I will most likely be done by then. I had a sub in every class today. It was weird. Anyway, here ends the paragraph of randomninity. Thank you and goodnight.

Mara the Butterfly


I celebrate the day that you were born to die

There is lots to do for the Christmas party that the band is playing at. We need a sound system, a set list, a salvation message, and probably more stuff. It's kind of stressful.

I'm at school being bored.

What are everyone's favorite worship songs?



So forgive me, because I don't know what to do.

I figured out why I wasn't using the WYSIWYG editor. The lack of it was driving me insane. It's all better now though.

Okay, I'm really leaving this time.


It was your hello that kept me hanging on every word...

...and your goodbye that keeps me listening for your voice around each corner

I like writing on a whim. I can usually make it good eventually, and turn it into a song. Which is a good thing. People generally like songs. Anyway, yeah, whatever.

Youth group tonight. I need to leave in just a few minutes.

Today I talked to Ben, Jeremy, Emily, Andy, Corific, and Kim on the phone. That's a lot of people.

I need a sound system by the 20th and it's starting to get to crunch time. Which is really annoying. ArghI'mnotstressingwhatareyoutalkingabout.

Okay. I need to go now. Worship band, here I come!



Eye double you eye en

I am so clever. Not really though.

My band needs to practice soon. Before the Christmas party on the 20th. Otherwise we will die. Or just kind of do badly.


*runs away*

*runs back*

Well. I kind of ruined it. Oh well.

Now I'm listening to Five Minute Plan. Please don't murder me for saying that I don't like their music very much. Why I am listening to them I do not know. *shrug*

I'm going to go put a movie in, I think. Goodnight, kids.

Mara the rather flighty butterfly


This is all, this is me without you

I'm writing a bridge thing to Characterization right this second.

Impact went well. Was really nervous, which was not normal. On top of that, Andrew was really excited and not nervous at all, which is also not normal. It was kind of funny after I wasn't freaking out anymore.

I'm waiting for Mom to come home. She's at the Ladies Christmas Dinner thing.

Gel deodorant hurts your armpits really badly if you have shaved them less than five minutes before the deodorant is applied. I learned that today.

Okay. I should finish writing this song.

Yours Truly,


You would know you have my heart if you could see what I see

I've had that song stuck in my head for like, 2 days now.

Today is my mom's birthday! You should all email her.

I'm at school. I don't really feel well. Kind of icky. Blah.

There is actual real live music on The Final Pardon's MySpace and PureVolume now. It doesn't sound that bad, either. You should all go listen to it. So far everyone has liked it.

It's cold in here. *shiver*

Daniel is wearing silvery green nail polish. That I loaned him.

I woke up before 7:00 today! Hooray for me!

Tomorrow is the Impact rally. We're playing Rainy Day. I'm excited. *grin*



I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right, I swear I'm right, I swear I knew it all along

It's early in the morning and I am awake. Not because I want to be awake. Because my self won't let me sleep. Ugh. I hate being such an insomniac. I wish I could just sleep like a normal person. You have no idea how nice it would be to sleep alllll the way through the night. I almost always wake up, just enough that I can tell I'm not sleeping anymore and it takes effort to not open my eyes. Because when I open my eyes then it means I'm not getting back to sleep for a long time, unless I am really lucky or really tired. And even if I do get back to sleep right away, it requires much tossing and turning.

So. Tonight, I woke up about twenty minutes ago. I haven't attempted to go back to sleep yet. I made some chocolate milk and then came back downstairs and replied to some emails and posted here. And now I'm cold.

Alright, I'm going back to bed now. Goodnight... morning... whatever.



She's the luckiest girl alive

So, recording went pretty well. We recorded Thunder, The Rainy Day Song, Characterization, and Angel. I will get the recordings on the MySpace and the PureVolume as soon as I have them. Or I can make Ben do it. *shrug* Anyway, they turned out decent sounding, except Angel, which ended up being kind of weird. I mean, it sounds fine, but we didn't end up doing what we were going to do. What was going to happen was Josh would sing the verses and I would sing the chorus, and we would each sing some harmony. But Josh wasn't really getting the harmonies down like he wanted them, and he was having trouble with the rhythm on the verses. So I ended up just singing the whole thing and he harmonized a little bit. It turned out alright.

I'm currently uploading pictures to TFP's PureVolume. I have been meaning to do that for a long time. I also need to write the billboard.

That's about it.

Mara (sings to fireflies)


Seems like I waste all my time making rhymes

I'm attempting to knit some armwarmer gloveswithoutfingers things. It's going okayish so far. Not amazing, but I only messed it up once and you can't really tell. I will post a picture if/when they get done.

I really like House of Heroes. I hope they live a long life without getting too famous so I can always afford their CDs and they won't ever sound like all the other rock bands that get too famous. And I hope they don't get too many guitarists like Relient K, even though I really like Relient K.

Okay, I have to go shoppingish now. TEE TEE WHY ELL.



I'm not hiding, I'm just buying some time for us to find the back door

40th post! Hooray or something!

Today was busy. Went to the most bizarre movie ever. It's called The Fountain. Don't see it. It was weird and dumb.

I'm sleepy and this blog post is lame.

I'm knitting stuff again. Don't make fun of me.

Acoustic Emery is lovely.

My PureVolume has been updated.



Say what you want, but I know what you're thinking


Thanksgiving was good. I ate lots of food. Mostly sweet potatoes.

The Thanksgiving service yesterday was okay. Worship went fine. I kind of wish we hadn't played the offering song we played, just because we had just learned it, and I would have liked to have known it well enough to play it and sing it at the same time, but I didn't. So I just played and attempted a harmony here and there that usually only lasted a couple lines. And I'm pretty sure that the mics we were singing into weren't actually vocal mics. They made annoying "PUH" sounds when you sang too close.

My Playlist of Awesomeness expanded this week. I added more songs to the computer so it's mo'bettah. Before it was just ones I had gotten online.

So, I guess I'm out of things to talk about. Oh well.



They're gonna wanna shake your hand and take a picture with your band


So. Today is kind of mildly lame. Just so y'all 'r aware and stuff.

Driver's Ed tonight. Driver's Ed Wednesday. Then NO MORE DRIVER'S ED EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Assuming I pass. Which I think I will. I'm doing almost as well as the smart kid. Well. He's still doing better than I am, but I beat him on this one worksheet thing and got the same score as he did on the take-home test. So I can't be doing that badly. And I passed the driving part with an 87%, so it would be hard to fail the rest considering my average score so far is probably a C or a B. Hopefully. Man, I don't want to think about that junk anymore. *dies*


If I could pick:

Opening Credits:
Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been - Relient K

Waking Up:
The Next Big Thing - FM Static

First Day At School:
Make A Face Like You Mean It - House of Heroes

Falling In Love:
You Have My Attention - Copeland

Fight Song:
Somebody Else’s Song - Lifehouse

Breaking Up:
Dear You - Monday Morning

Words Cannot Explain - Beside Nothing

Vindicated - Dashboard Confessional

Mental Breakdown:
Gypsy Girl - Everyday Sunday

Savin’ Me - Nickelback

Metaphor in Parentheses - House of Heroes

Getting Back Together:
Hold Nothing Back - Copeland

Mercedes Baby - House of Heroes

Birth of Child:
For The Moments I Feel Faint - Relient K

Final Battle:
Good Night Good Fight - The Evan Anthem

Death Scene:
Maintain Consciousness - Relient K kidding, kidding.
When You Thought You’d Never Stand Out - Copeland

Funeral Song:
Down Here We All Float - Sullivan kidding again
Breaking The Legs Of Sheep - Kids in the Way

End Credits:
The Title Track - The Fold (don’t ask me how that makes sense)


I swear, you're an angel somehow

Mara's soundtrack according to random songs off of her iTunes...

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits:
Absolute - Thousand Foot Krutch

Waking Up:
The Next Big Thing - FM Static (apparently iTunes likes Trevor McNevan)

First Day At School:
Writing On The Walls - Underoath

Falling In Love:
Anything - Mae (the actual song that played was another TFK song, but since I already have two with McNevan I figured I could lie)

Fight Song:
The One Thing I Have Left - Hawk Nelson

Breaking Up:
Twirl - Alyssa Wheelon

We've Only Just Begun - Run Kid Run

I Win - Starflyer 59

Mental Breakdown:
Pheonix With A Heartache - Kids in the Way

Down Here We All Float - Sullivan

Hands On Deck - Waking Ashland

Getting Back Together:
California in December

Paper Hanger - mewithoutyou

Birth of Child:
The Say You Can Never Write I Told You So In A Song But Here I Go - The Almost (longest.title.ever.)

Final Battle:
Emotion - Subseven

Death Scene:
Savin' Me - Nickelback

Funeral Song:
Searching While Found - High Cold Star

End Credits:
Ruby Park - Stallions Vs. Unicorns


These thoughts run through my head over and over

I haven't been online in a while, so I thought I'd make sure y'all know I'm still alive. Yes, I just said 'y'all', and I'm okay with that. I'm Iowan, I can speak however I want and nobody knows the difference.

So, The Final Pardon has three possible shows coming up, including a gig that would be like, one song for like, 400 people. Yep. That's a lot.

Sooo I have homework and stuff so I jee too jee.



Every time I try the words come out the same

You guys kill me.

No, that picture was not as random as I made it sound. I AM A FILTHY LIAR I TELL YOU. But regardless of whether or not that was random, I have better not random ones. That I believe only a select few people (including Taylor. Is that what we're calling you here?) have even seen. And it will remain that way, so don't try to convince me otherwise.

I am laughing still. You guys are great. Oh man. I need to get a life.



This punk rock show is over, go home

Okay. I have to respond to those last comments, because... I just have to is all.

Ryan: Vanessa is Greek. I think it's Greek at least. I just remember what it means. [/crypticish]

Adri: My birthday is December 30th. New Years Eve Eve. It's an odd spot for a birthday.

Hans: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Okay. That cryptic one made my day. The not cryptic one was very not cryptic, but it was also funny. I am still laughing about the other one.

*still laughing*

In the spirit of answering comments (or something), here's a random photo. It's from the church retreat.

From left: Andy, Andrew, me, Emily

Em is by best friend fo'evah. Andy is my brother. Andrew is... a boy. Yes. They are my best friends.

Mara Tenille the Butterfly


Set, set, set, are you ready to go?

So! Hi guys! What's up?

Tonight I am going to Harmsen's to help get stuff ready for a craft show and possibly watch a movie(s). It will be fun. I am happy about that.

I have awesome music on my iTunes thing. I wish I had an mp3 player. Someone should get me one for Christmasbirthday. *cough*

I wish my name were Vanessa. [/cryptic]

Vanessa Mara


I don't want to live, I don't want to breathe unless I feel you next to me

My God. Is. Like. Really cool.

Yeah, I don't even know what to say. Still.

I need a big, happy hug.


I'm going to go fly around or something. Whatever butterflies that are actually little girls do with their spare time when they're happy.

Mara Tenille


You're all I want, you're all I need, you're everything

The blog will live on for a long time, I think. Don't worry.

I spent the last fourish hours with most of my favorite people.

Sing me something soft
Sad and elegant
Or loud and out of key
Sing me anything

Mara Tenille (the butterfly)


I can't keep up and I can't back down, I've been losing so much time

Today was a day of many hugs, as was last night. And there will be many more, I am sure. Yes. So, for the purpose of this blog, I am going to talk about normal insignificant things that everyone blogs about all the time.

I might be buying an electric guitar from Pastor Gabe. He's bringing it tonight for me to play with. It's black. It's generally referred to as "the dumpster guitar" because it was found in a dumpster and then fixed up and such. So yeah.

I had a Dr Pepper today. It was the berries and cream kind. Yep. It was good.

Ummmmm. I'm listening to Lifehouse. Hence the title of this blog.

You know what? This is crap.



Show me everything, show me everything, show me everything I never knew about me

This is one of those times when life gets pulled out from under you and you get caught just as you think you're going to fall forever and ever. The floor drops, and you scream, and you cry, and then you feel the arms of someone so much stronger than you, so much braver. But you still cry, because what you stood on is gone, and you don't know what happened. Everything you knew is changing, and even though you're held, you don't know anything other than the hands that have you. When you're being carried you have no control over where you go or what happens next. You just trust. Because it's all you can do.


I've got this feeling things will be alright

So, I found out that if all goes well I should see that certain person tomorrow, as well. So it's really not as bad as I thought it was. All is well. *happy*

Tonight I have Lighthouse and then small group. I made monkey bread for small group, and it is going to be uberly yummy.

www.purevolume.com/thealmost - The drummer from Underoath has a solo project going that pretty much rocks, from what I've heard. Good stuff.

Jee too jee.



They spin at such a tranquil pace

There are lots of broken computers in this computer lab. It's odd.

So, there is this person who I used to see every day at various things, and I am having to adjust to the fact that I have not seen said person since Sunday and I won't see said person again until tomorrow. And after that I won't see said person until Sunday again. No wait, I will see the person on Saturday. No one really cared to hear any of that, I'm sure. But this is my blog, so I suppose I can write whatever I want in it, even if it lacks any value to anyone else.

Today I get to babysit Carter and Owen again, which makes me happy. I miss them. I was going to bring a video that they like but I didn't want to miss the bus and so I didn't have time to grab it.

Stallions Versus Unicorns = love

It's cold in here. It's cold everywhere.

Hmm. I wish I had money for Skittles. Oh well.

The Butterfly


No, you'll never be alone, when darkness comes I'll light the night with stars

Skillet is amazing. I played the new stuff on their PureVolume for Andrew today, and I think he liked it a lot. Not as much as I do though. But that's okay.

I'm listening to RockStar:Supernova. It's not as incredible as I would like it to be. But oh well. My guy still won.

Youth group. Post it notes. Awesomeness. Graffiti jeans. Et cetera.



Staring out the window with the memory running down your face

Sometimes people are so insanely wonderful that you can barely stand the thought that they consider you a friend. Like... you almost feel unworthy. Maybe I'm the only one like that, I don't know, but every once in a while I am just struck by how amazing the people around me are, and how amazing the God is that put them there. Ugh, I can hardly stand it. I don't even know. I am just... so insanely fortunate. Life would not be the same without this. I am convinced that I know the most lovely people on the face of the planet. God is so wonderful. I would be so completely worthless without him and all he's given me.

God, I love your children. Why do you put so many amazing people here for me? I deserve none of this. And yet it's always right there, at my fingertips. Everything I need is provided for me. Oh God, I love you so much. You are so amazing. So incredibly simple, and yet complex beyond my understanding. You never change, you never shake, you never need a shoulder to cry on, and yet you're right there for me. Oh God, I adore you. I love this life. Let me live it for You.

Mara Tenille


I know that I can't fly, but when I'm in your arms I'm holding up the sky

Today has been a wonderful day. One of those days where the only reason you want it to end is so that you can see if tomorrow is as good.

I went to the football game. North Polk won. Something like 47-8. It was rather boring, actually. But I had a little bit of hot chocolate and sat with a blanket and some gloves and was all warm and stuff. It was nice.

Tomorrow I am helping to clean the church. Hopefully it will be fun.

I am really sleepy. *yawn*

I don't reply to comments because I don't want this blog to be all about replying to stuff. I would like to keep it more blogging and less conversation. Every so often I will try to reply or mention my comments. I do read them all, so don't stop posting them!

Anyway. The end.

Don't you know, don't you know we love you?

So, today I woke up. Early. Because my brothers insisted on playing video games at early hours of the morning. Like. 6 AM. Which is like, half an hour before I normally wake up. But I went to bed at like, 8 or somethig after taking a really long nap so I'm very awake and happy. Not being tired is a really nice feeling. I haven't been this awake in a really, really, really long time.

So, I went to school after I woke up. Actually I showered in between there but you don't care about that. So I rode the bus, Rounds tried to unzip my backpack and I told him not to, I got off the bus, I went to Mrs. Maclaughlin's room and made the kid I tutor do his homework. Then I went to Graphic Design, where I worked on more stuff, and then I went somewhere that I don't remember during advisors because I don't have anywhere to be during that time, and then I went to Algebra, and then I went to lunch. I had chili and oranges and chocolate milk and I think that's all. Talked to EmilyAmy'sFriend and Leopold and Nic and Kacy. Then I went to the library and did some homework.

I talked to Andrew in the hallway on his way out of class. Apparently he fell asleep during chemisrty yesterday while chewing on the pick I gave him. Actually he said he wasn't quite asleep. Only kind of. I thought it was funny, because I can't see him falling asleep in class. I also enjoyed the appearance of my guitar pick in the story. Because I like me.

After I talked to Andrew I went and walked around and did more stuff and walked some more and then went to Mrs. Maclaughlin's room again to work on my window. My window is a glass box thing that hangs on the wall in the front of the school and has pictures of all the service hour students. There are technically 4 windows, and my job is to keep the pictures current and to arrange them and to make sure that the service hour student people are given the t-shirts that they earn for their various levels of service. I didn't get much done today, but I'm going to finish it on Monday, I think.

Then I came home and made some monkey bread and talked to Emily. We might go to a football game tonight.

Tomorrow is (I believe) the cleaning day at the church. I will be going to that. And cleaning. A lot. For a long time. But there will be food!

Mom is home now so I'm going to go give her a hug.



I don't know if it'll ever mean a thing

So. There's the band. We like to think we're pretty cool and stuff but you don't have to agree, even though most people do, even though we're just a bunch of high schoolers, most of which are homeschooled. The show went well. We got second place, which earned us $50. Second place is excellent, especailly with 4 practices and being up against a band that's been together for a really long time. We did quite well, and had an amazing group of people there to support us and just to hang out. It was really awesome. So, in this particular picture, you can see myself (vocals and rhythm guitar), Andrew (bass), Ben (drums), and Josh (lead guitar and vocals). Josh hasn't actually done any vocals yet, but he probably will eventually. Anyway, yeah, so we are The Final Pardon. We are going to try recording on Saturday at Blinks up in Ames so we can put some stuff up on our MySpace and PureVolume. Then, we will get our unofficial cameraman, Jeremy, and our unofficial cameraman's super graphic design girlfriend, Aleah, to take and edit super awesome photos of us in all of our bandness. So then we will be like all the real bands. Haha.

Anyway. I need to go.



Indescribable, uncontainable...


My best friend, who is a HUGE Chris Tomlin fan, is going to get to meet him on her birthday. He's playing a show in Ames on October 28th, and she emailed them asking if she could get to meet him, because that day is her birthday. I've heard of a lot of "biggest fans", but Em probably tops them all. I am SO excited for her. She has the last meet and greet pass that they had, and she is extremely excited. OhgoodnessIamsoexcited. Hahaha. She is going to have so much fun. Yay. Yayyayyay. *clap*



Didn't I see you when you thought you'd never stand out?

New Copeland. Is lovely.


Every once in a while you come across a person who just doesn't want to be seen. They're kind of hiding, whether they're afraid to be known or afraid to be rejected or afraid to love someone back. But they refuse to be more than a picture. They're stuck being only a face and a name and nothing more. Why are people like that? I think it's insecurity, kind of. The fear of what people will think or how they will make you feel.

But isn't it lovely when people break through the walls and see you? When you finally become more than just another kid in the room and someone sees you for who you are and loves you anyway. Oh, it's beautiful. It's beautiful to be known.

There are far too many times when a person breaks through the walls, and then finds that they're in over their head. That they tell you they love you, and then realize that they're not sure if they do after all. Or that they don't have the time or the energy or the compassion. Or it just makes them uncomfortable. Why do we do that? Why are our lives so selfishly led that we can't bring ourselves to sacrifice for our friends? Is it really that hard? Why can't we put just a little more effort into loving each other? Why is it always about our own time and energy and comfort? Sometimes love required more than that. Sometimes love means you give yourself up. No, love always requires some level of selflessness. We can't love without letting ourselves go. It's not about us when it comes to other people.

I want to love, just as I wish to be loved. I want to know people and to empathize with them and to be trustworthy and honest and compassionate and caring. I want the strength to be a friend when I'm needed, and I want the courage to be a friend when it's hard. I want to break down the walls of those that make it difficult to know them. I want to understand and love the ones that don't want to be seen. I know what it's like to be unknown, and I don't want that for other people.

God, teach me to love.


You will find that I'm everywhere you go and I'm all the things that you want to be

The Final Pardon (my band) is playing a show on Saturday night. If any of you live somewhat nearby, come. If you don't, then I'm sorry because we're really cool. Or something like that. Anyway, we will have fun and stuff. This afternoon we are practicing, and then Saturday we will practice some more, and then we will chill for a bit and then we will play the show. It will be lahvley.

Speaking of the band, if you think of it prayer would be lovely in the area of our hearts being in the right place and not freaking out if it's not perfect and getting well-practiced in the little time we have. We are relying on God to pull it all together, but it is always helpful to have others put a word in.

Also, pray for me at school to reach out to the kids. There are some pretty lost people here. I'm having kind if a hard time. Having to listen to them so often wears on you a bit, you know? Anyway, that would be wonderful.

I need to work on memorizing stuff for various reasons. Script, bible verses, class schedule, etc. Haha.

Jesus is pretty much the coolest guy ever. Like. Seriously. He's like... the glue holding me together right now. It's rather nice to have the king of the universe on your side.

Copeland's new album is going to be good. I am very excited about it. I'm not sure if what I've heard is quite as good as their last two albums, but it is still awesome because they are Copeland and so they win. Or maybe no one really wins this time.

Copeland > sliced bread
Copeland < Jesus
Copeland > lawn chairs
Copeland > puppies
Copeland < oxygen
Jesus > oxygen

There are my nice Copeland comparisons. They are a result of boredom on my part. Graphic Design is not the fastest-paced class ever.



Sing like you think no one's listening

Hello few readers of the most awesome blogger ever!

I don't feel well. Beyond that I am alright. I had an odd day. I can't exactly say it was unpleasant, but it seemed to lack many good points and had many mediocre ones that I could have done without. For example, I was late to the hallway. That will sound really weird to anyone who is not me. Also, I had to drive with the instructor today, which wasn't that bad, just weird. Leahla (my driving partner) forgot her permit so I didn't get to watch her drive. Not that it would have been terribly entertaining or anything. There were just lots of little things like that. Although I did help some people in school today. A foreign exchange student and a new girl. But still. It was not really a fantastic day.

And now I need to go sleep off my tiredness.




I'm sorry but I'm no sort of fabric


Driver's ed tonight. Driving with Mr. Sears tomorrow. Headache. Tired. Meh.



You're dying to know what love is

So, today I was thinking a bit about happiness and what it really is. People talk about how happy Christians are, and how people should see our joy (I would consider joy a bit different than happiness depending on context, but for now just assume I mean joy) because we love Christ. But is joy something we choose? Do we make ourselves happy based on our outlook on life, or is it a natural result of our salvation? Are non-Christians happy the same way we are? Can they make themselves happy? I would think not. They have no hope for the hard times. What is there to look forward to? But if you believe in another religion, do you have joy because you think you have hope? Or does joy only come from being in Christ? Is a joy a result of being sure of what we hope forand certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)? Kind of like security?

Gotta go.


Baby, do you like my sweater?

I need band names. Because my band is nameless. So. Give me ideas.

Here's what we have so far:
Elias (or Elyas, depending on whether I win or not)
The Final Pardon

Yep. That's all. Soooo if you have cool ideas let me or one of the guys know. If you even know who "the guys" are.

I am in Graphic Design. It's yet another slow day. I move too fast for this class.

MSN works on these computers. *wins*

Job was an interesting person. Back in the olden days.

Mom is on GTalk I think so I'm going to go talk to her now.


So, I have five minutes before I need to be at the bus stop. I figured it was a perfect opportunity to blog about something.

I started listening to Leeland. There is a cool song that I like called Sound of Melodies. It's pretty. I want to learn it.

Worship music is hard to write. I'm going to try to write more of it though.

I have MSN messenger now. backofffreshman[at]hotmail[dot]com, if you'd like to add me. If I don't know who you are I will blog you, so you know.

Gotta go.



Starved for your attention

(This is stolen from my other blog, so if it doesn't make sense that's why.)

HI GUYS I AM ALL BACK AND STUFF!!!!!!!11!!!1!1!!!!1

I am in school. Mrs. Ronca is getting copies made of our lesson. Then we will actually do something. Until then, I am here. Yay!

Small and I had a nice morning meeting today.

Today is class colors day. No one told me this. I should have worn green. I have camo pants on, so that kind of counts. Tomorrow is superhero day (Mom, ask Sophie if she has a Superman shirt that I can wear. Otherwise I might steal one from Leo or Ian), Wednesday is wacky Wednesday or something (I have no idea what I'll wear for that), Thursday is Rock Star day (psh. I just have to act normal for that one. ), and Friday is Ballard stuff day. So. Tomorrow I will steal a superhero shirt from one of my siblings, Wednesday I will probably just wear weird colors and do something funny to my hair, Thursday I'll get all punk and stuff (I should totally try and find an inflatable guitar. That.Would.Be.Hilarious.), and Friday I'll just wear one of my 2 Ballard shirts (should I wear my tennis shirt or my football shirt?).

My throat hurts. It's all scratchy feeling. I'm going to make some tea when I get home.

I might go get ice cream with some of my bestest (I'm totally allowed to say 'bestest', right?) friends. I would meet Emily at DMACC and then go with her to pick up Andy and Sierra from school, and then we would go get ice cream. I like ice cream. I also like Emily, Andy, and Sierra. See? It'll be fantastic.

Tonya isn't here. Hmm. I don't see her, at least. Maybe she's on the other side of the computer lab where I can't see.

I am starving. I forgot a snack. It's early out today, but I don't know what that means for me. I don't think anything changes. There might not be advisors. But I don't really know so I'll just wander until the bell rings.

There's a guy here that calls me Homeschool. He swears a lot.


Change is coming, no, it's nothing personal

I'm at school. We had a quiz today in graphic design. It was interesting. I'm not totally sure how I did, but we'll see.

Today is Wednesday. Yesssss! I have to pack lots of stuff before Lighthouse and small group. For the trip. Ugh. I hate packing. It's almost as bad as unpacking.

My fingernails are so weird and gross. They're like... messed up. Yeah. I guess it's a good thing I'm a musician and my fingers aren't required to be pretty.

It is really, really cold in here.

Everyone is playing games.

I keep accidentally hitting weird shortcuts and opening things. It's a little strange.

I can almost type without looking at the keyboard now. I'm smart like that.

Here ends the random sentences.



Who's gonna call on Sunday morning, who's gonna drive you home

Packing list

-jeans (4)
-sweatpants (2)
-shirts (5, two t-shirts)
-jewelry (earrings, necklace, watch)
-tennis shoes
-swim suit
-basketball shorts

-hair brush
-hair smoothing gunk
-make-up (mascara, foundation stuff)
-bobby pins and/or hair clips
-Contact lenses
*glasses case
*saline solution
*contact case
-lip gloss/chap stick

Other stuff
-CDs (Anberlin - Never Take Friendship Personal; Skillet - Collide; Relient K - MMHMM; Copeland - Beneath the Medicine Tree; softer mix)
-Boom box
-"Life with Jeeves" by P.G. Wodehouse
-Zardo (my guitar)
*guitar picks
-camera and battery charger
-driver's ed homework
-sleeping bag
-Hawkeye hat

Go entertain them, they're waiting for you

So, it's been a few days since I last posted. I suppose that's because not a lot has gone on. But since I try to update this fairly often, I'll try to make the last few days sound interesting.

Yesterday was Monday. I don't really like Mondays all that much. Driver's Ed was stupid, just like it was last week, school was slightly annoying, although we did start a cool project in Graphic Design that I finished today. It's some kind of cool collage deal that's made up of stuff that we cut out and stuck on to other stuff. I'm sure my fabulous description makes it clear. Or something.

Overflow was good on Sunday night. Pastor Gabe is off being in the Air Force doing weird military training things so he won't be back for a couple weeks. While we all miss him, youth group was still good and Mrs. V did an excellent job teaching. Next week Uncle Steve is teaching, and he's using a song that I really like called "MySpace" by Eleventyseven. That song is hilarious. I'm excited.

I am going to be gone this weekend. We're going camping (ugh) on Lake Rathbun in cabins that are nice and such. We're going to be there with my parent's old small group and their families. There are two or three kids my age, and hopefully they won't get out of coming like I tried to do. Haha. Anyway, I'm trying to make the most of it. I should try and get Em or Sierra to come help me pack. Eh. I can just do it myself I guess. But that's so much less fun.

I am the worship leader for See You At The Pole and Ballard High this year. I am very excited. I talked to the coordinating student leader whatever dude today about it, and basically it looks like the music and everything is up to me. Which is always cool, because then we all get to sing the songs that I like. *laugh* Anyway, it's going to be quite cool and I am very excited.

I am also leading worship for Overflow on Sunday night. Andrew is playing bass, which is awesome because he's really good and that way if I mess up it isn't as obvious. I don't really know what songs I'm going to do, so tomorrow I will get Gabe's book of songs after Ichthus and then hopefully pick some, maybe steal some for my trip and then let Andrew know what the deal is. Of course, if I don't pick any it will probably be fine, but it's always better to know ahead of time I guess.

Those last three paragraphs started with "I am". Which just shows how much I am doing over the next week or so. Or something like that. I'm not really that busy, it just seems like it. Or maybe I'm really busy compared to the rest of the world, but I don't know it. Or maybe I'm just a homeschooled loser with no life so anything I do that's not normal makes me busy. Whatever, I guess.

I am currently listening to a Weird Al parody. It's called "You're Pitiful". It's hilarious. I need to send it to Jason because I think he'll laugh at it. I also need to send him the zip file of that one ninja font that I promised him like, weeks ago. I like funny things. I need to watch more Homestar Runner, because that's one of the funniest things on the face of the internet. Does the internet have a face? What does it's face look like? It is a boy or a girl? Oooh, Mara asks nice, thought-provoking questions.

I am going to make a seperate blog post with my packing list on it so you can all see it. Because I'm weird like that.

I also need to ask Ben how to add a signature to Blogger. Ryan, do you know how to do that? I can't figure out how. Not that I've looked very hard or anything, but why would I look for something that I know someone else can find? Man. I'm lazy.

Is this long enough? I think so.




That's not a line from a song. Do I lose?

Iowa beat Iowa State. My new hat is omcredible. I adore my friends. I'm really worn out. I played touch football with some friends. Couldn't catch the ball. It was fun. Here's a picture of me and my pseudo-brother wearing nice hats to highlight the sibling rivalry. It's hard to see mine, though. Oh well.

Being on a side is way more fun than being neutral. It gives you something to be excited about. That's a good thing, I am pretty sure.

Tomorrow I need to bring slip-on shoes and a cellphone to church. NO ONE LET ME FORGET. That would be kind of not good. I need that stuff for a skit I'm in.

I should write a song. About what? Hmm. I don't know. We'll see. Sometimes it's nice to just make something up as you go along until you have something solid, and then just build on that. Maybe that's what I'll do.

I'm worn out. TEE TEE WHY ELL.



Everything inside you knows there's more than what you've heard

I am sitting in Graphic Design right now. I am the worship leader for the school's See You At The Pole, which is exciting. I just learned this today. I just loaned Justin Forre my planner with our hall pass thingies so he could use it. There is a paper with my old neighbor's name on it. I take it he left it here. I have no idea what it is. I am getting hungry. Tonight is the fourth Party Bowl, and it is going to be fun. I need to send the whole world a link to this blog so that people will actually read my ramblings. Mid-terms are next week, apparently. I don't know what that means for me. Oh well. I have a granola bar in my locker that I am going to bring to the library when I meet Alex to figure out SYATP stuff. Since apparently he's meeting me there. I want to hurry up and get started with our assignment but we can't yet because Mrs. Ronca's computer is slow. No one sends me email anymore. Betsy isn't sitting next to me like she normally is. I wonder what I should wear tonight. Maybe I'll just wear what I have on now. But I wore this to the last Party Bowl. Hmm.

Those are some deep thoughts. Haha.



I shall never grow up, make believe is much too fun

YOU GUYS I HAVE A LOCKER NOW!!! I am so excited. It is going to be really nice to have a place to dump all my stuff.

I am sleepy. *yawn*

I think I have a math test on Friday.

Graphic Design is a really slow class. We are not learning enough quickly enough and it's making me feel more ADD than I already felt.

We were walking there
And I had tangles in my hair
But you made me feel so pretty

I love Eisley. They need another CD.

I need sleep. Tomorrow I will use my locker for the first time evarr. *happy*

Maraface the Butterfly


If I could turn around, I would tonight

So, life got way more complicated than it should have been yesterday, and then I decided that I didn't care. Life is good, and I am not letting anything get in the way, because God is all that matters.

Worship was good this morning. I played guitar and sang with the youth band. I am also playing at youth group tonight.

That's about it I guess.



Fountains and fluorescent lights

*sigh* I like life a lot.

The Crocodile Hunter died. He kind of had it coming though. But it's still kind of sad. Dead people are always sad.

I am very much a butterfly today.

I'm going to attempt to decorate this blog now.



Either one of us takes the wheel, or all of us take the fall

Being at this school is stretching me a bit. I hatehatehate most of what goes on here. So many people are just gross and wrong and horrid to each other. Ugh. It makes me so angry. But at the same time, I'm learning so much. It's showed me what I have and who God is and what a difference He makes. This morning I was on the bus listening to The Fold and that song came on (the one with the line in the title of this blog, I don't know the name) and it really challenged me. I have the duty of showing these kids what Christ is like and who He is. That's why I'm here, and I have no right to hide in a corner watching everyone get more and more lost. Who am I to walk my righteous path and simply watch others go astray without saying anything? I have no right to keep God to myself.

Last night I went to a fellowship group thing. All the Christians from Ballard get together once a week before Wednesday night bible studies and one of them gets interviewed about their faith. It gives us something to talk about at school and a way to bring God up with others. It was really awesome, and now I know who the Christians are in case I need someone to beat me with a Bible when I'm having a bad attitude. It was also reallyreally fun. There are some awesome kids at this school, even if there are some idiots mixed in there.

I love my life. I love my friends. I love my God.

Mara Tenille


This is a song for your poor sick penguin

Guess who's at school? Haha. Yep, so I'm in Graphic Design waiting for the end of the hour. My project is finished and stuff so now we get to be bored online. CGR is being slow so I'm not on it, and I don't really go anywhere else so I'm blogging. I'm going to check my email now.



My dear, you're a threat to the bad in us all

Today was an awesome day, even if it was boring at times. Prairie Fest was mildly entertaining and I got to hang out with most all of my favorite people. I also got to swing. I said that I was going to swing higher than the sky, and Andrew said I couldn't. Something about gravity. He is wrong and I will make sure that someday he realizes that. I also broke up with my platonic boyfriend and he has been trying to win me back. So far I am only slightly impressed, so we'll see. Emily got a cute skirt that she doesn't like. She will be adorable in it though. Amy is awesome, as always. Adam brought his skateboard and did awesome trick things. Patrick was... normal. Which may or may not be a good thing. Peter laughed at my for dropping my pick in the guitar. He's taller than I am. Everyone was cool.

I should go sleep.

I adore my friends. They are wonderful.

Tomorrow I get to help lead worship. I am playing guitar and bass. And singing. yes. I have a solo *wins* I get to use my amp, I think. Which is fun. I never get to use my amp. I need to wake up early enough to shower and get ready and get all the equipment I need loaded up before we leave at 7:45.

Eventually I hope to merge this blog with my old one, since the new beta won't let me yet. But maybe I'll like this one better. Who knows?