tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57821846342225430922024-03-12T21:12:31.856-07:00SincerelyInside the mind of a butterfly child...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger422125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-31046426812794481732011-05-02T20:41:00.000-07:002011-05-02T20:41:24.193-07:00Come and open up your folding chair next to me...I got a tumblr. Go to ellisbelle.tumblr.com and bookmark that thang, because so far it looks like it might take over this blog. This blog is old school, and tumblr does fancy things. Not that I'm shutting down the good old Blogger, but just be warned that it might start to wane. Not that much goes on here anyway, but yeah. You get the idea.<br />
<br />
I love you, little blog readers.<br />
<br />
I'm ready for summertime.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-15971522586109172262011-04-25T15:32:00.000-07:002011-04-25T15:32:37.910-07:00Welcome to existence...<div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: 0px;">I survived the funeral. I say that as if I had another option, other than surviving. What else was I going to do? Die? Not go? Whine and drag my feet? That’s dumb. Of course I survived the funeral. It was sad, and basically horrible, but it was also good and I hugged a lot of old friends and there was just a lot of love there. I am thankful that the family of the little boy who passed away is leaning on the only real hope there is, Christ and the hope he offers us, that we’re living for a purpose and He holds us together.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: 0px;">After the funeral I went thrifting and bought some jeans. Thrifting is seriously one of the best things ever. I wish I had taken a picture of the incredible purple vintage dress I found, but I didn’t even think of it, nor did I buy the dress, although I think I maybe should have because it was awesome. Purple with flowers and lots of bunchy puff-sleeved ’80s awesomeness. I went to Gong Fu tea after I had my little bout of retail therapy, drank some kind of life-changing tea that was insanely, miraculously delicious called <a href="http://www.gongfu-tea.com/sunshop/index.php?l=product_detail&p=34" style="color: #444444; margin-bottom: 0px !important; margin-top: 0px !important; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: 0px;">Cloud Nine</a>, and then walked around the East Village for a while to kill time because I put too much change in the parking meter, and when laundry is $1.25 to wash and another $1.25 to dry, quarters are absolutely not to be wasted. Then I came home and watched Dr. Phil while I folded my laundry. This is how I have managed to survive today, thus far. I’m going to continue to survive by going to the store to get a screwdriver so that I can put my blinky butt safety light on my bicycle, and to get something yummy to take to a grill out tonight with a group of people known as the Supermodels, and then I’ll go to said grill out and I will eat massive quantities of meat and I will laugh a lot and possibly cry. I rarely cry, so if that happens it will be a big deal.</div><div style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px; margin-bottom: 0px !important; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: 0px;">If you read this whole thing, I love you.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-89296429685610464302011-04-23T09:54:00.000-07:002011-04-23T09:54:19.180-07:00Am I gonna be alright? because it doesn't feel that way, no, not today...<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: url(http://assets.tumblr.com/images/input_bg.gif); background-origin: initial; background-position: 50% 0%; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; color: black; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.4; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 12px; margin-right: 12px; margin-top: 8px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">This past week has been weird.<br />
<br />
I wish I could explain to people how terrifying it is to know that you should have an emotional reaction to something, and to then have not have one. Or to have one that you are completely unable to understand or identify or express.<br />
<br />
On Monday I have to go to a funeral for a 7-year-old little boy. The world is a really effed up place when you have to go to a funeral for a child.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-38780570282053347262011-04-16T23:56:00.000-07:002011-04-16T23:56:34.962-07:00The very thing that I hate more than everything is the way I'm powerless to dictate my own moods...Art is right, my blog needs an update.<br />
<br />
Laura stayed for a grand total of almost THREE WEEKS! It was a fun time, but her hubby needed her and so now I'm all alone again, with my kitty and my fishy. It's not so bad.<br />
<br />
I have 7 holes in my ears right now. Yeah. Getting crazy.<br />
<br />
My mind has been especially insane lately. My brain is literally just goinggoinggoinggoing all the time, and I get tired of that. It goes psycho sometimes more than usual.<br />
<br />
I wish I was better at writing songs about God and my faith. I feel like my songs about God start to sound so stupid, like every other worship song, and it makes me kind of mad so then I throw them away. I don't like worship music a lot of the time because it all sounds the same. The lyrics are the same, the music is the same, the sentiment is the same. I appreciate the music at DTC because they play a lot of really cool, unique songs for worship that speak a lot of truth and go a little deeper. But as far as writing about God, it's somehow a lot more difficult for me than writing about other stuff. So anyway. Random topic there but I was thinking about it.<br />
<br />
Galatians is really good. I finished it this week. You should go read it and learn lots.<br />
<br />
It's really late and I'm not very good at thinking of new information about me. Sorry about that.<br />
<br />
My taxes are filed. Yay!<br />
<br />
Frosted animal crackers are straight from heaven.<br />
<br />
Today I went out with Elle. We got coffee. Then, we went to her grandparents house and hung out with Dave. Then we all three went to the mall, and shopshopshopped, and then Elle and I got Uncle Wendell's Barbecue which is so delicious, and then I went to church. It was a good day. And tomorrow will be good too, because I am going to fill it up with lovely people.<br />
<br />
I have to wake up in 5 hours to get coffee with Chrissy. I don't like having to wake up so soon. I looooove coffee with Chrissy though, so it's totally worth it.<br />
<br />
In two weeks I get a new phone, and I am soooo excited.<br />
<br />
The end.<br />
<br />
MaraUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-48562357085934510472011-03-17T21:58:00.000-07:002011-03-17T21:58:32.872-07:00I won't say everything is right, it's not right, I don't see everything as right...I have a roommate. My deardeardear friend Laura is staying with me for a while while her really rad husband Andrew finishes being a computer nerd in Florida, and then he's going to move out to Des Moines as well and we'll all be best buddies. But for real, I love them to pieces so I'm so excited to have Laura here. We are having a lot of fun being roommates. Except she has been dying of some flu virus grossness, but I think she's getting better. A doctor gave her some drugs so that seems to indicate that the situation is going to improve. Anyway, we have gone on a few adventures and it has been pretty great, and I'm pretty sure we'll do all the adventures over when Andrew moves out here since I'm sure he'll think they're the lamest thing ever. I love it.<br />
<br />
My kitty loves Laura more than me. Because Laura has been sick and at home all week while I've been bringing home the bacon. So unfair. *sniff*<br />
<br />
The new Eisley album is so far pretty great.<br />
<br />
Did you know that the Panera downtown closes at 8? How weird is that? What a horrible time to close.<br />
<br />
Tonight Laura and I watched the movie Salt with Angelina Jolie. It was alright. We sat through it and even made fun of it some, and at the end I decided it had sufficiently entertained me for two hours, and that's really all I care about anymore in regards to movies. Movies just suck anymore. I haven't seen a good movie in a long time, with the exception of Inception, because Christopher Nolan is a genius.<br />
<br />
My awesome big brotherfriend Patrick is coming over tomorrow. I told him I'd cook him food. That may have been a bad thing to say. We will have either tilapia or chicken, I decided, because those are the only things I really cook. If it can't be cooked on a George Foreman, microwave, or a saucepan I usually don't have anything to do with it. Not that I <i>can't</i> cook. I just don't. So maybe it's good that I said I'd cook him lunch because then I actually have to cook something and it'll be good practice. Or something like that.<br />
<br />
I've decided this week that I really like Regina Spektor's music. She's weird and quirky and bizarre. I'm into those kinds of things. I bought her album <i>Far, </i>and <i>Eet</i> and <i>Machine</i> are my favorite songs so far.<br />
<br />
Time to sleep. I hope you friends enjoyed my ramblings.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
MaraUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-8683826053461067012011-02-26T21:39:00.000-08:002011-02-26T21:39:18.366-08:00You would be the last thing I saw coming...I got a cat. Off of Craigslist. Her name is Maleficent. She's cute and she likes to explore her new 300 square foot stomping grounds. My apartment is a far cry from the fancy house she lived in in Ankeny, but she seems to like it here. I don't know. She likes me, I think. And she hasn't peed on anything, so that's good.<br />
<br />
I'm performing for an event at Grand View on March 5th. It's called Rock4Hope, and it's going to be cool, and you should go. I don't know what time. Sorry. You'll just have to make it up.<br />
<br />
I got baptized tonight. The Lord is good.<br />
<br />
I overthink a lot of life.<br />
<br />
I need to sleep.<br />
<br />
Goodnight.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-28672928974010054132011-02-18T13:51:00.000-08:002011-02-18T13:51:05.845-08:00What you don't understand is I'd catch a grenade for you...I've literally had "Grenade" by Bruno Mars stuck in my head since Monday. For real. But this isn't just random. I don't usually get cheesy pop R&B songs stuck in my head for days at a time. It takes something pretty amazing for this to happen to me. So, now that you're wondering, let me fill you in on how all this song stickage came about.<br />
<br />
A few weeks ago at bible study Matt made the announcement that Monday, February 14th would be a bible study hang out night, except that it was special. In honor of Valentine's Day, the boys were going to make dinner for the ladies. Us girls were told we needed to get all "gussied up" for a special night the guys were planning. In my high school days (soooo long ago. right.) the girls in my youth group typically made up some cookies and got some candy and made bags of treats for the boys, as a little Valentine's surprise, so I was kind of excited to have the dudes be the thoughtful ones for a change. (no offense, high school dude friends...you did lots of special things for us ladies too)<br />
<br />
So a couple of weeks went by, and in that time the girls of course got together and decided what we were all going to wear, how we would do our hair, all those very important girly things. Then, Valentine's Day came, and just as the guys had told us to, the ladies got all cute and dressed up. When we all drove up and met up with each other to go inside (I was there first, because I'm a total lamewad, so I sat in the car and waited for the other girls...no way was I going in by myself) we were greeted at the door by Jesse, the doorman, and then by a line of our men standing by in suits and ties, who then proceeded to escort us to our places at the table, which was beautifully decorated. Ryne and Joel poured all us girls some sparkly juice, and the rest of the guys served us a delicious meal that Dave had cooked, followed by cheesecake that Paul made. There was a slideshow of photos that someone had stolen from our facebooks (I accuse Paul Joy) which was super hilarious, but really fun to watch, and Michael Buble was on in the background.<br />
<br />
So, we enjoyed our lovely meal, and after our dessert plates had been cleared and we had all commended the boys on their wonderful serving skills, Tyler walked to the middle of the room and announced that the guys had written a letter to the Supermodel ladies. He read it to us, and it was really, really lovely and sweet. They basically sat down and made a list of why they love us. Totally awesome. It was really sweet and I might have almost cried a little. Maybe. But only a tiny bit of almost.<br />
<br />
So, before you start to think "Wow, what a great little dinner! It couldn't have possibly been awesomer!" Let me just tell you that what happened next may have been the greatest thing that could have possibly happened ever in the universe. Matt picked up his guitar, which had been propped up in the corner and had a couple of us wondering what on earth they were going to do. He walked out in front of our table and announced that he was going to play us a song. He tried to lie and say he'd written it, but he couldn't take himself seriously at all, so he just started laughing. Then he got serious again and said he just really wanted us girls to be blessed so he was going to play for us. He started playing a little riff that sounded sort of familiar, and the anticipation was making us all tense, and then all at once with the music the men all spun out of their chairs and started snapping. It was the most hilarious thing ever. So, they're standing in a semicircle and are snapping while Matt plays this riff. The girls are laughing. They guys are stifling laughter. And then they all start to sing...<br />
<br />
<i>"Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live</i><br />
<i>Oh, take, take, take it all but you never give..."</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
And the girls all died. We sing this song to each other ALL THE TIME, just because it's so hilarious. And they sang the whole thing, <i>with actions</i>, and totally pwned it. They even changed the lyrics to the last chorus to be about us.<br />
<br />
<i>"You know, I'd go ice skating with ya</i><br />
<i>Go to an Energy game with ya</i><br />
<i>Play four-on-a-couch with ya</i><br />
<i>You know we'd do anything for ya..."</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
It was so great. We were laughing so hard. And yet even though it was hilarious, it was really sweet too. The other day I was talking to Cara, and I said that as cheesy and dumb as it sounds, Matt, Tyler, Paul, Joel, Jesse, Jordan, and Ryne were up there singing that last line of "we'd do anything for ya..." and I believed them. They would do anything for us. We're their sisters, and they love us, and when it comes down to it, they would do anything.<br />
<br />
It was the best Valentine's Day I've ever had, ever in my entire life. So rad.<br />
<br />
PHOTOZ!!!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">The Dudes</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi43diaUWPwHJASbgtCx-EIYUEnp4o4ep9RcAlWqRxsIzvmoagoEXl1vOBe0P80_Z4mibojpS6-MUDbt2-3ivPmS8Tp5s7qu-8I1rV-vXxEI-CWmJvuGXM5YBUnkn7R9D7x3fVN2ExHQCw/s1600/valentines-thedudes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi43diaUWPwHJASbgtCx-EIYUEnp4o4ep9RcAlWqRxsIzvmoagoEXl1vOBe0P80_Z4mibojpS6-MUDbt2-3ivPmS8Tp5s7qu-8I1rV-vXxEI-CWmJvuGXM5YBUnkn7R9D7x3fVN2ExHQCw/s400/valentines-thedudes.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"> The Ladies</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcH3_8hN8ETMiSXBb8A-rOutQ0b7nJvINPNuSsgS_j3uxOsyUTV1NdToVGp1Bsyzd5YIER0KYfaJZREmkVDpW6VrpugiuED82JfN-rfd-eo4aqMhMRHNScj7tgmibV0t15v6Yc4lkc8XU/s1600/valentines-theladies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcH3_8hN8ETMiSXBb8A-rOutQ0b7nJvINPNuSsgS_j3uxOsyUTV1NdToVGp1Bsyzd5YIER0KYfaJZREmkVDpW6VrpugiuED82JfN-rfd-eo4aqMhMRHNScj7tgmibV0t15v6Yc4lkc8XU/s400/valentines-theladies.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div style="text-align: center;"> At our lovely table. You can't see it very well, but there were lights underneath the tablecloth, and those little clear glass fishbowl bead things. Tyler, on the fishbowl bead things: "These are actually kidney stones passed by a unicorn. They were very expensive."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWMDg7_BQ95uCCLCSqW9OG0bBL0xCc-PWtu9StnhnS-gC22ioEpfgNlZkSSFuJ6tn7YnRSvRcHIbkYbebauIPf9nlM7rDsRM-4mkpXdxnay2T0vm2vEvUbHqGfHPAQx_A7M_Vc3U54qRs/s1600/valentines-thetable.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWMDg7_BQ95uCCLCSqW9OG0bBL0xCc-PWtu9StnhnS-gC22ioEpfgNlZkSSFuJ6tn7YnRSvRcHIbkYbebauIPf9nlM7rDsRM-4mkpXdxnay2T0vm2vEvUbHqGfHPAQx_A7M_Vc3U54qRs/s400/valentines-thetable.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Urrybody!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi850SS3WoXpnnB1JwGOpbGsQwHuORcQPKYsgI5ZjV6amKdSjkXaYJNId6z6oSqseKn5bYqHRgDdTVhIV3l_fC-fJofVa_K9_Agt1Jbh6cG0eunKmqy8PnOcDaRD8IxMuoY9SoB5XEys7o/s1600/valentines-urrybody.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi850SS3WoXpnnB1JwGOpbGsQwHuORcQPKYsgI5ZjV6amKdSjkXaYJNId6z6oSqseKn5bYqHRgDdTVhIV3l_fC-fJofVa_K9_Agt1Jbh6cG0eunKmqy8PnOcDaRD8IxMuoY9SoB5XEys7o/s400/valentines-urrybody.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<br />
The song, <i>Grenade</i> by Bruno Mars, in case you've never heard it:<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/SR6iYWJxHqs" title="YouTube video player" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
<br />
Much love. The end.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-22845432626666504622011-02-11T12:31:00.000-08:002011-02-11T12:31:34.046-08:00Lend me your eyes, I can change what you see...I thought today I'd just say some random stuff about myself. So here you have 25 facts about Mara.<br />
<br />
1. I love Jesus and I wanna be just like him when I grow up.<br />
2. There is a form of OCD called Onychophagia. It's where you incessantly bite and pick at your nails and cuticles. I think I have it.<br />
3. I love crafts. I knit and crochet and I do origami and I scrapbook sometimes and I doodle a lot and other stuff.<br />
4a. I love to write. I write a lot of different stuff. Songs, stories, letters, lists, whatever. I don't know if any of it is any good, but I like to write it at least. Except don't try to read my notebooks without asking or I might kill you.<br />
4b. When I buy a new notebook it is a really big deal, and there are a lot of rules about when and what kind of notebook I'll buy. No buying a new notebook until there are less than like, 7 pages left in the old one. Spiral bound, about standard 8x10.5 size, must have something wonderful on it. Extra awesome if it's college ruled, has perforated pages, and has a folder attached. The last notebook I had was Wonder Woman. Currently I have one with an owl on the front that is made of banana paper.<br />
5. If I love you I will probably write to you or make you a present or just tell you over and over or hang out with you a lot.<br />
6a. I love music.<br />
6b. I have 4 guitars, a djembe, a bright red electric piano, 2 microphones, 2 amplifiers, some stands and cords and things, and a hot pink egg shaker. Sometimes my apartment starts to look like a recording studio.<br />
7. I hate being the center of attention.<br />
8. I hate almost all games. They make me feel unintelligent.<br />
9. Most of the time if I am bad at something I just hate it. Dancing is an exception.<br />
10. I love candy, and almost all foods that are bad for me.<br />
11. I once had a rat named Maximilian. I starved him on accident.<br />
12. I have been coloring my hair since I was like, 12. Yes, I do know what my natural hair color is. Dark brown. Right now it's black. Before this it was black and teal.<br />
13. I drink a lot of Diet Mountain Dew.<br />
14. I'm an insomniac basically. I'm sleepy all day and then about 10 o'clock I get wide awake. It doesn't make sense.<br />
15. When I grow up I want to be a wife and a mother and a rock star.<br />
16. Romans 8 shatters me every time I read it.<br />
17. I love Chinese food.<br />
18. Tiger lilies are for sure the way to this girl's heart.<br />
19. I like super heroes a lot more than most 20-year-old women do, or probably even should.<br />
20. I'm a nanny. I watch 4 kids. I call them the Ferocious Four. Those kids are the greatest thing in the entire world.<br />
21. I have lots of dreams when I sleep.<br />
22. I have a little blueishgreenish betta fishy. His name is Shinigami. I talk to him sometimes.<br />
23. I kind of want to audition for American Idol someday. It would be an adventure.<br />
24. Sometimes I delegate people to be related to me. I have acquired a lot of family members this way.<br />
25. Sometimes I really just want to become a hobo.<br />
<br />
<br />
The last few were sort of random. I was running out of ideas.<br />
<br />
The end!<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
MaraUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-39799224664663886322011-01-24T11:16:00.000-08:002011-01-24T11:17:00.824-08:00Hey fellas, why don't we go where the movies are silent and life is as big as a stage...<p>Dear _________,</p> <p>I don't like emotions very much. I don't know how to identify them or express them, I sometimes mistake them for feeling physically sick, and I especially dislike how illogical and unreliable they are. If I could do away with them altogether sometimes I think that would be a good idea.</p> <p>Sincerely, <br> Mara Tenille</p> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-43542123426521474022011-01-07T22:28:00.000-08:002011-01-07T22:28:36.904-08:00And my head told my heart, let love grow, and my heart told my head, this time no...I'm tired and sorta cranky. So here goes.<br />
<br />
Today I got poop all over my favorite sweatshirt. Beige poop. Beige poop that also got on the beige carpet. Gabriel had a massive diaper explosion and I didn't realize it until it was too late, so he got a bath and got to go home while I treated the carpet and disinfected roughly 30 G.I. Joe guys. Thank the Lord I was wearing that sweatshirt though, because I didn't have a change of clothes with me. So that was pretty horrible, but I tried to stay positive and have a good attitude, but let's face it, poop is just really gross. Almost as gross as puke. I think puke wins for grossest thing.<br />
<br />
Right now I'm burning some incense. It smells soooooooooo gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood. I don't know why I didn't start burning incense sooner. This pwns Glade Plug-ins in the face.<br />
<br />
That's it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-56320579845690027252010-12-30T22:44:00.000-08:002010-12-30T22:44:37.563-08:00Where you invest your love, you invest your life...A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.<br />
Proverbs 27:17<br />
<br />
<br />
I want to write about my new church. Thing is, it's not really my new church anymore, because this past Saturday was my 6 month Downtown Church anniversary. If you recall <a href="http://http//thebutterflychild.blogspot.com/2010/06/there-are-moments-when-when-i-know-it.html">this post</a>, I loved it from the beginning. It was upbeat and the worship team pwned and, the thing that got me most, people cared about knowing me.<br />
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Like I mentioned back in June, girls were coming up to me to meet me from the get go, something that didn't happen a single time when I was going to Immersion. And not only did they want to meet me, but they were immediately asking if I wanted to hang out with them. I was all like, "Whaaaaaa?" But they didn't stop.<br />
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So, three weeks in, a girl asked me if I'd want to get dinner at Uncle Wendell's BBQ, the best restaurant ever. Of course I agreed. So we went to dinner, and then she convinced me to go to her bible study come fall, and I did. And here you can see most of the Super Models, my bible study:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhShNQNo6cKVpDAQJVvUQepZbETITgDRyEaszZkhY5C0hIrpjTsHNH1AAPy-rgU6EZeVFYEe5Rb_8htspcGxOtNpvR-T1en7U81SNVIBIELndF55hyE1zLg89Qx1Vdvaa-TzfYJ_oGPgyI/s1600/bstud.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhShNQNo6cKVpDAQJVvUQepZbETITgDRyEaszZkhY5C0hIrpjTsHNH1AAPy-rgU6EZeVFYEe5Rb_8htspcGxOtNpvR-T1en7U81SNVIBIELndF55hyE1zLg89Qx1Vdvaa-TzfYJ_oGPgyI/s400/bstud.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Yeah. I love those people to teensy bits and pieces. Every single one of them is amazing. They love the Lord like something crazy, and they build each other up and love each other, and the thing that baffles me the most is they actually like me. I don't say that to throw myself a pity party at all, but I'll be honest with you: I've never really had very many real friends. I had a lot of people I spent time with because they tolerated me, but it was usually short-lived and I couldn't escape the fact that it felt like many of my "friends" were really very self-centered about the relationship. If I had something to offer and if it was convenient, I was in. If those things weren't there, I was out.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I have yearned for authentic friendship and fellowship for years. Literally since like, junior high. I was sick of being taught that fellowship just meant Christians doing fun stuff together, and I was sick of trying to force friendships with people who frankly didn't even want to be around me a lot of the time, and I was sick of dealing with drama crap, and I was sick of shallow, half-hearted interactions that only occurred because someone was bored. I wanted something <i>real</i>, something where there was love and encouragement and depth. I wanted relationships where I could thrive, where I was loved and cared for, where the Lord was the center of everything and there was meaning and openness and realness.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Basically, in many forms by several people to varying extremes, I was told that those things were unattainable, that my expectations were too high, and that no one was that intense about their friendships. I was told that I would have to wait until I was in my thirties when everyone magically would get mature and deep like I apparently was. It wasn't going to happen. I was told and I started to believe that it would be years before I ever got even close to the kind of authentic friendship I desired, and that at the current time of my life it would never happen because no one is that serious, mature, loving, whatever.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">That was a lie. I have that with these people. They love the Lord and each other the way I had always believed could happen. This is the Church.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I hope someday you all find people who love the Lord and who love each other this way, because they are quite possibly the greatest blessing in my life right now. This church is wonderful.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I love the Super Models. You guys are bomb.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Lovelovelovelove to all.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-19833101608301807382010-12-01T18:18:00.000-08:002010-12-01T18:18:21.410-08:00Call on the life...<div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Sorry if these little fill-in-the-blank survey things annoy you, because I love them. Take that, haters.<br />
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<strong>1.) IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY', YOU SAY?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">The Valley Song</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>2.) HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Love Affair</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>3.) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Fireflies</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>4.) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">American Dream</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>5.) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Energy</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>6.) WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Clumsy</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>7.) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px;">Lollipop</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em;"> Parade</span></span></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>8.) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Summertime</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>9.) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Hearts Safe</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>10.) WHAT IS 2+2?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Cassie</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>11.) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIEND?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Long Shot</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>12.) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">The World is Alive</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>13.) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Soft Skeletons</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>14.) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Lesser Things</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>15.) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Until the World</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>16.) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Last Day of 1888</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>17.) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Up and Up</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>18.) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>19.) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Simon</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>20.) WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">A Love That's Stronger Than Our Fear</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>21.) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">One Moment Away</div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><strong>22.) WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS NOTE</strong></div><div style="color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">Call on the Life</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-74350238701387847672010-11-27T15:27:00.000-08:002010-11-27T15:27:00.606-08:00Let's stay out all night, go everywhere we don't, live while we're alive and take the world for more...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Tonight I went out sharing with some of my friends from bible study. The people at DTC, or at least the people I run with, say "sharing" when they mean "witnessing" or "sharing the gospel." So, in other words, we went to the mall and paired off and then went up to strangers and told them about Jesus. It was fantastic. I haven't done that in forever, and I'll be honest with you, I didn't want to go. But I did anyway, and I am so glad I did. Matt Moklestad and I went together, and Dave and Chrissy, and then Tyler and Patrick. Patrick isn't in my bible study, he just tagged along. Anyway, it was really good. Pray for Scott...he grew up going to church as a kid but hasn't gone in several years, and he was really interested in having a relationship with the Lord. He was at the mall with two friends, and all three of them were amazed that Matt and I, plus the other 4 who were out in the mall, were spending our Friday night sharing the gospel at the mall. They ended up just following us around watching and listening while we talked to people. We talked to these three guys a lot about just living your life for the Lord and how it's totally worth it, and they seemed to really respond and be interested in what we had to say about all of it. Matt said it was the best response he's ever gotten when he went out witnessing. It was a really encouraging time.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Soon I'm going to blog about all my new friends and how much I love them. You should eagerly await that blog post, because they are all rockin' awesome.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Love,</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #303030; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;">Mara</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-83236246575871197032010-11-22T15:16:00.000-08:002010-11-22T15:16:23.922-08:00You are more than the sum of your past mistakes...I'm really not going off the deep end. I promise.<br />
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This is a good song, everyone should listen to it. It's called <i>You Are More</i> and it's by Tenth Avenue North. Not the style of music I usually listen to, but when I first heard their album <i>The Light Meets the Dark</i> I could have sworn they'd written it for me. So go ahead and hit pause on the music maker to the right, and then after you listen to this handy YouTube video that I handily embedded below, hop on iTunes, pay a dollar for this song, and listen to it lots and lots more.<br />
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<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/cgi-G-dHYkY?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/cgi-G-dHYkY?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-33633163500420536742010-11-22T00:29:00.000-08:002010-11-22T00:29:14.648-08:00Bless the day this restoration is complete...Here's the deal. I'm going to get all intense on you guys. Ready? Here it comes...<br />
<br />
<i>I'm sick of screwing around.</i> That's it. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of feeling like a fake, sick of knowing I have a sickness, a problem, and never being honest about it and never being quite willing to expose myself for what I am. I'm sick of feeling like I fail constantly, and then going on like I'm fine. I'm sick of struggling and fighting and trying to beat down my flesh and being completely and utterly unable to do so. I hate who I am. I hate it. I hate my sin, and yet I am incapable of getting away from it, and even more incapable of doing anything good.<br />
<br />
These verses from Romans 7 have been running through my mind lately:<br />
<br />
<br />
<blockquote><div style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28090" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">14</sup>For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28091" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">15</sup>For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28092" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">16</sup>Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28093" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">17</sup>So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28094" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">18</sup>For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28095" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">19</sup> For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28096" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">20</sup>Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.</div><div style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"> <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28097" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">21</sup>So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28098" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">22</sup>For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28099" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">23</sup>but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.<sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28100" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">24</sup>Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 6px;"> </span></span>this body of death? </div></blockquote>This is exactly how I feel in my life. Paul and me are on the same page here. <i>I don't do what I want, but I do the very things I hate...I know that nothing good dwells in me in my natural state...I do not do the good I want, but the evil I don't want is what I keep on doing...what a wretched man that I am, who will deliver me from this?</i> I am incapable of not sinning. I sin <i>every single day</i>. I hate it, and I do it anyway. The desire of my heart is to do good, and yet I can't.<br />
<br />
Here's a little taste of me, my flesh and my weakness:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>I don't think I've ever gone more than a week reading my bible every day. Never in my life.</li>
<li>I want to get married desperately. Part of me regrets that I didn't just say "screw you, God" and go along with the plan that would have ultimately gotten me what I wanted.</li>
<li>I have only like, three or four bible verses memorized. I can tell you plenty of things the bible says, but can I point you to the specific verse? Heck no.</li>
<li>I haven't been baptized because I was embarrassed of the fact that I hadn't been baptized yet. Ridiculous, but true. I didn't want any attention paid to me, and I was baptized as a baby, so I have avoided it, because it seems ridiculous that I've been a Christian for so long and just didn't get around to it. Hopefully in a couple weeks this will be remedied when DTC starts doing baptisms.</li>
<li>I hate cleaning my apartment, because I'm lazy and I just want to do what I want to do, and cleaning is one of my least favorite things. So, there's a nasty layer of dust on my ceiling fan and a huge pile of nasty dishes in my sink and the floor hasn't been swept in weeks.*</li>
<li>Etc.</li>
</ul><div>That's just little small stupid problems. Real ones, but not even the biggest struggles in my life. Not even <i>close</i> to the things that bother me most about my flesh.</div><div><br />
</div><div>In Romans 7:24, Paul asks who will deliver him from his flesh, from the sin that he hates and can't get away from. Who will deliver me from the prison that is my mind and my flesh and this wretched body? Who will deliver me from this bondage, from my own inability to do what I long to do, to do what Christ commands? My heart swells with this, it cries out, asking <i>who will save me?</i></div><div><i><br />
</i></div><div>In the beginning of verse 25, Paul answers his own question. The NLT says it this way:</div><div><i><br />
</i></div><blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-NLT-28077" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">25</sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.</span></blockquote>I read this verse, and in a sarcastic manner I said "Great, awesome, Jesus is the answer yet again. What does that even mean?" And because I was using Bible Gateway and it only shows one chapter at a time, I almost quit right there. If Jesus is the answer, I should just shut up and stop asking questions, right? Jesus is the trump card. But no, I wasn't happy with that "Jesus, fine if you're the answer to all my issues with my flesh and sin. But why? What does that mean for me? You can be the answer, great, but what makes you the answer and what does that imply?" I sneered at myself inwardly a little bit, because I found it ironic that the very question that "seekers" ask themselves when they are investigating Christianity is the question I, a "long-time" believer, asked myself today. So, I thought I'd do the obvious thing, and read the next chapter.<br />
<br />
Romans 8 happens to be my favorite chapter in the entire bible, so you would think I'd know what it says right? I sure thought so. But God smacked me in the head when I got to the first few verses, and said, "Yeah, you don't really have it figured out after all, do you?"<br />
<div><br />
</div><div><blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28102" style="font-size: 0.65em; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">1</sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28103" style="font-size: 0.65em; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">2</sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">For the law of</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 6px;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">the Spirit of life</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">has set you</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28104" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">3</sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">For</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">God has done what the law,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">weakened by the flesh,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">could not do.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">By sending his own Son</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">in the likeness of sinful flesh and</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">for sin,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">he condemned sin in the flesh,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28105" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">4</sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">in order that</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28106" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">5</sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">For</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">those who live according to the flesh set their minds on</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">the things of the Spirit.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28107" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">6</sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">For to set</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28108" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">7</sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">For the mind that is set on the flesh is</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law;</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">indeed, it cannot.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28109" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">8</sup></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.</span> </blockquote><blockquote><div style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"> <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28110" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">9</sup>You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 6px;"> </span></span>Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28111" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">10</sup>But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. <sup class="versenum" id="en-ESV-28112" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">11</sup>If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.</div></blockquote></div><div>God did what the law could not accomplish. The law couldn't save us. Paul explains the role of the law back in chapter 7. (This is NLT again, by the way)</div><div><br />
</div><blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Charis SIL', charis, Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 10px;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal;"><sup class="versenum" id="en-NLT-28059" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">7</sup> Well then, am I suggesting that the law of God is sinful? Of course not! In fact, it was the law that showed me my sin. I would never have known that coveting is wrong if the law had not said, “You must not covet.” <sup class="versenum" id="en-NLT-28060" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">8</sup> But sin used this command to arouse all kinds of covetous desires within me! If there were no law, sin would not have that power. <sup class="versenum" id="en-NLT-28061" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">9</sup> At one time I lived without understanding the law. But when I learned the command not to covet, for instance, the power of sin came to life, <sup class="versenum" id="en-NLT-28062" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">10</sup> and I died. So I discovered that the law’s commands, which were supposed to bring life, brought spiritual death instead. <sup class="versenum" id="en-NLT-28063" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">11</sup> Sin took advantage of those commands and deceived me; it used the commands to kill me. <sup class="versenum" id="en-NLT-28064" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: text-top;">12</sup> But still, the law itself is holy, and its commands are holy and right and good.</span></b></span></span></blockquote>Satan uses the power of suggestion. The law seriously says not to covet? That sucks. I bet you could just try it. It's not really that big of a deal, I mean, come on. But go back to what Paul said in chapter 8. "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, [God] condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." The law, which is good and holy, but which has been used against me and which condemned and killed me, has been fulfilled. By me? No! By Christ, who God sent to fulfill the law, because just as Adam's sin condemned us all, Christ's righteousness saved us from a life ruled by sin. Romans 5:18,19 says "Consequently, just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous." I am righteous and holy not by my own actions or anything good I've done, but through the righteousness of Jesus Christ and the love that God had for me that he sent his righteous son to bear my own sin so that I might live an eternal life that I don't deserve alongside Christ, the very man who became my sin, (John 3:16) and so that I can live a life free of condemnation and guilt and shame. God knew that I could not fulfill the law. He knew that I was incapable of not sinning (pardon my double negative) but he made a way that I could be free of that.<br />
<br />
I sin every day. But it's my flesh that sins, and I no longer live by the flesh, I live by the Spirit, because God sent Jesus (by the way, isn't the concept of the trinity beautiful?) so that I could not only live an eternal life with Him, but so that I could live an earthly life free of condemnation.<br />
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<div><br />
</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">*I took a break from writing and cleaned the dust off my fan. That would be Christ working in my life. Ha.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;">NOTE I don't believe in proofreading. So, if anything wonky happens to have slipped in there, just try to see past it. I know it's hard, but I believe in you.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-67844992775676303212010-11-21T19:59:00.000-08:002010-11-21T19:59:21.406-08:00For a moment I was warm and the world made sense, for a moment there this storm had no consequence...I play music a lot more now. Tons more. I love music.<br />
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Warning: Honesty moment.<br />
No one gets it sometimes. No person does. You want to rely on someone, you want to trust and talk to someone who gets it, who gets you, who relates to you the way you need them to, who doesn't have an agenda or a selfishly-motivated opinion. But sometimes there isn't someone like that. So, then, you're told to go rely on God because he is all you need. True, he is. But let's face it. Relying on God is a lot of work. Sure, I want to rely on God, and I do, but if I want to hear from God it isn't like he just makes it plain, he makes me work for it. I have to think through everything and ask myself <i>is this God speaking to me?</i> or I have to sit and be still and basically pray that I get something concrete to hang on to. Sure, I'll talk to God, but hearing from him is freaking a lot of work.<br />
<br />
That said, I still love God a lot. I just get impatient sometimes and I want everyone to be perfect. But it's all good.<br />
<br />
That's the end.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-15751349185522437712010-11-11T19:05:00.000-08:002010-11-11T19:05:11.423-08:00One day the sun will cast your shadow on fields created for you...Edit: Just to warn you all about the time inconsistency, I started this almost a week ago, and never got around to posting it. Now, here it is. Just pretend I posted it on like, Sunday.<br />
<br />
I typed up a slightly lengthy blog post, and then my computer ate it. Lame.<br />
<br />
Lots of things have been going on the past few weeks. The first notable thing that comes to mind is that I sang a song that I wrote while my friend Matt played guitar. Matt is an awesome guitarist (he plays on the worship team at church on Saturday nights) and a super cool guy, and he was asked to play a song for Java Jazz, a live music and art event at DTC. So, he asked if I'd sing, and he said he'd like to play one of my songs, so we did! A guy from bible study has a video of it, but I don't think he's posted it yet. It was really cool to get to collaborate with someone, and working with Matt was super fun, and getting to perform for the first time at a DTC event was really awesome.<br />
<br />
Other than that, I can't remember too many things that I did in between then and now. Friday night our bible study had a bonfire at Ashley's house. We had a scavenger hunt and played sardines and then after everyone else left, me and Natalie stayed the night. We started off in a tent, and I was ready to stick it out, but Ash and Natalie got cold, so we ended up sleeping on couches in Ashley's apartment. It was a super fun night. Being with everyone is always so great, and I loved getting to spend time with a couple girls making popcorn at 2 AM.<br />
<br />
Then last night after church our bible study got together again (we spend a lot of time together, can you tell?) and we did what I decided was the best thing ever...we speed dated. We each wrote down 3 questions, and then everyone in the bible study "dated" each other for five minutes. We rotated around until eventually you got to talk to everyone. It was so. fun. I know it sounds weird, but trust me, it was bomb.<br />
<br />
Anyway, that's my life right now I guess. Churchy stuff all the time. I love it though.<br />
<br />
*love*Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-33488255700593376142010-10-16T11:23:00.000-07:002010-10-16T11:23:23.388-07:00We are compelled to do what we must do, we are compelled to do what we have been forbidden...So, lately, when I get 7 or 8 hours of sleep I am more tired the next day than when I get 5. That doesn't make sense to me. I mean, I'm tired either way, but for whatever reason the last couple weeks I'm groggier when I get more sleep. Maybe I am just interrupting my sleep cycle at a weird time when that happens and then I never recover. I don't know. I should get sleeping pills again, maybe that would help.<br />
<br />
I'm not really in that good of a mood right now. Sorry. I'm a little bit cranky. Too much to do in not enough time makes me crabby. I am a procrastinator and I am not self-motivated at all.<br />
<br />
I slept in late today, because I didn't get back to my apartment until 3 AM. I spent the day yesterday with my lovely boyfriend, and then went to my parents for a little bit.<br />
<br />
I really enjoy sleeping. I get to forget about life and everything for 6-8 hours of the day. I don't have to think about anything or do anything or be anyone. <br />
<br />
This is a short, lame blog post.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-13043072434486535952010-10-09T12:42:00.000-07:002010-10-09T12:42:02.819-07:00In all these twisted thoughts, I see Jesus there, in between...Today I am cleaning, because my friend Cara is coming over for dinner. That means that in a little while I will also be cooking. Scary. But inviting her over for dinner was a great way to get to know one of my lovely new friends, and also a way to force me to clean my crap up. So it was a win-win!<br />
<br />
I injured myself slightly. I scraped up my calf because I fell through a rubbermaid container. Yes. Through it. I needed to fix the slightly broken blinds on my window, and instead of going and getting my step stool that I got because I am too short to reach anything important, I decided I would just stand on the rubbermaid container that was filled with clothes. It apparently was not full enough to support my weight, and the lid broke, and I fell all over the place. It was hilarious. And now I need some duct tape.<br />
<br />
I just burned my hand on some hot soup, and it hurts.<br />
<br />
I just purchased my first Dashboard Confessional album. This seems like a monumental thing, like I should celebrate and have a party or something. But instead I'm going to listen to it while I clean. That is almost the same, because when I clean, a lot of dancing and hopping around happens. True story.<br />
<br />
Well, it's time for me to shower, sweep, figure out what I'm cooking, and then grocery shop, and then cook. Lots to do. Laterz.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-54832411992044603792010-10-04T21:48:00.000-07:002010-10-04T21:48:31.848-07:00I'm not too sure that I want it to be this way...I was going to spend the time I had between work and bible study by cleaning my extremely messy apartment. Instead what I did is practice my songs. Today Josh, my friend and lead guitarist in <a href="http://www.myspace.com/thefinalpardon">the greatest band ever produced by the city of Sheldahl</a>, texted me and asked if I'd play a few songs for an open mic night event at Grandview University here in Des Moines. It's tomorrow. I said yes. I'm nervous.<div><br />
</div><div>Now, I'm obviously wasting time blogging. I promise it will be fast, because I am going to go and practice some more, and then go to bed, because it is actually quite late for me to be up. I am trying to get used to running on less sleep though, because there is always so much I want to do and never enough time to do it. Actually it has less to do with time and more to do with procrastination and lack of motivation, which is why my apartment is such a disaster.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I need a job where I can work at night and sleep in the day. That is how my body wants to work.</div><div><br />
</div><div>This is the end of this post.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Mara</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-72949095997549439252010-09-21T12:41:00.001-07:002010-09-21T12:42:00.007-07:00I was young, but I wasn't naive...<br>I miss Andrew a lot today. More than normal. Long distance relationships are ridiculous. As if we didn't already have enough things making our relationship difficult.<br /><br>I am waiting for two packages. One is a new cellphone battery which supposedly will last longer than the one that is in it now. I get about 5 hours out of my phone with what I would consider moderate use. I get 7 or 8 without using it a lot. Even if this new battery doesn't last as long, it will at least be a good back-up.<br /><br>The second package I'm waiting on is my new sewing machine. I am really, really excited for it. I've been talking about getting one for a long time, so I'm getting geared up to finally learn how to sew. Maybe soon I'll even be able to sew some little girl dresses for Kim's project.<br /><br>Yesterday I got to feed a tiny baby. I'm used to the big babies that I watch, but baby Noah is only 2 or 3 weeks old. His mommy and I have been friends since junior high, so I've been pretty excited for her and her husband to have this baby. I got to feed him and hold him, and Friday I'm going to watch him so Liz can get some stuff done around the house and so she and Ethan can have a night out.<br /><br>I drank a lot more coffee today than I usually do. 3 cups. That's a lot for me. I usually make that much and then drink half a cup or so, but today it was extra delicious.<br /><br>I want to make music. I toy with the idea of music as a profession sometimes. Doubt I'd ever get that far, but still, I can pretend.<br /><br>A week or 2 ago Anberlin decided they were going to release a new CD without telling me. Well, thanks to Amazon's deal of the day, I ended up downloading it that day for $4. Ohmyword. It is really good. Reminds me a lot of their older music, meshed with even more awesome. Definitely redeems them from the mediocrity that was New Surrender, in my opinion. I haven't really listened to it a whole lot, but I'll probably throw out a more thorough review after I've had a chance to listen to it more.<br /><br>I should get back to conquering the world now.<br /><br>Belle<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-75247075156157380512010-09-10T21:47:00.000-07:002010-09-10T21:47:13.932-07:00If I were a monster would you wince when you looked at me? If I was a freak would you stare?I'm chock-full of new songs lately. I would really like to know where the phrase "chock-full" came from.<br />
<br />
LifeLight was absolutely fantastic. We rocked out, we danced, we laughed hysterically, we were too loud late at night and got the police called on us, and we had the best time ever. I miss everyone already just because it was so fun. LifeLight 2011 will be even better, because it will be the 5th year that the original 6 of us have gone. The Original 6 as we like to call them were myself, Andrew, Andy, Emily, Kacy, and Elise. We had a blast that first year, but then we decided to share with a few others, and now there are about 10 of us that go.<br />
<br />
I got to meet Aaron Gillespie. We had a conversation. A short one, but it was chock-full of meaningful interaction. (I decided to say chock-full as many times as I can) He was just as insanely awesome in person as he was in my mind. Greatness radiates off of that man. In all seriousness though, I am a huge fan of Aaron's music, and I think he has a real heart for the Lord. Getting to meet him was awesome.<br />
<br />
Someday I'm going to be in The Almost, just so you're all ready. They were super great in concert. So was David Crowder and House of Heroes and, of course, Family Force 5. FF5 did 3 sets, including one acoustic set that was actually really great. We all loved it. I got to meet them again too, and Chap Stique gave me a Silly Band shaped like a trumpet. <br />
<br />
While I was there I saw a guy speak about a ministry called <a href="http://www.clotheyourneighborasyourself.com/">cloth your neighbor as yourself</a>. I loved the message he gave, and upon researching his ministry a little more after hearing about it initially I decided I loved it. I bought a shirt while I was there, and I think you all should too.<br />
<br />
Lots more fun things happened, and we all had a lot of fun, and I wish you could have been there to join us. So, next year, you must go. For sure.<br />
<br />
MaraUnknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-12919599595476231812010-09-02T17:01:00.000-07:002010-09-02T17:01:16.591-07:00And with our feet we'll stomp a cadence to You...LifeLight 2010 Packing List<br />
<br />
<u>Clothes</u><br />
-jammy jams<br />
-4 shirts<br />
-3 pairs of pants or shorts (2 maybe)<br />
-Undies<br />
-4 pairs of socks<br />
-Pink Converse<br />
-Flippy Floppies<br />
-Swim suit<br />
-anything crazy<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Toiletries</u><br />
-Deodorant<br />
-Toothpaste/toothbrush<br />
-Shampoo/Conditioner<br />
-Face wash<br />
-make up (mascara, foundation, eye liner, eye shadow)<br />
-razor<br />
<br />
*Sierra: straightener and blow dryer<br />
<br />
That is more or less what I'm bringing. I'm SUPER EXCITED. LifeLight 2010 is going to be the bomb diggity.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-20706795824875505192010-08-25T19:43:00.000-07:002010-08-25T19:43:05.408-07:00You have my attention like you've had all the while...I had typed out a blog with my new fancy phone, but the app I was using decided it didn't actually work. So there went that. This is a new fresh one.<br />
<br />
Andrew left on Friday. I had intended to blog lots before he left, just to keep you all posted on my emotional rollercoaster, but you know what I realized? When you're riding that emotional rollercoaster, blogging isn't too high on your priority list. I cried every night before he left. I haven't cried <s>too much</s> since Friday. I'm hanging in there.<br />
<br />
So, our plan had been that we would see each other every other week. We would alternate who went where. It was a good system. It worked out even better because <a href="http://www.lifelight.org/festival">Lifelight</a> landed exactly two weeks after he left, so he would come back first, we'd go to that with our friends like every year, and that would be the start of visiting. Now, one thing you should know about me is that I'm a planner. I'm a little obsessive-compulsive about knowing what is going to happen ahead of time (far, far ahead of time. Years ahead sometimes. Yeah, it's that bad.) so I hadn't really questioned this plan or tried to stray from it at all. I was trying to be flexible and allow for wiggle room, but that was more in the event that we would have to go longer than two weeks before seeing each other so that I wasn't frustrated and upset and all in a huff. So, yesterday I'm thinking about all the things I have happening this week, and I realize that Sunday is basically empty. Below is a summary of the conversation that happened in my head:<br />
<br />
<i>"Hey! Why don't I go to Iowa City that day? I can leave in the morning and be back before it's very late."</i><br />
<i>"No. That's not how it's supposed to work. You'll see him in another week."</i><br />
<i>"But it makes lots of sense to go! I mean, he's already seen the apartment and my church and all that, and I haven't seen any of what he's getting to experience. I should go."</i><br />
<i>"No. Just wait until he comes. He'll be back in a week and a half. He can come to you. It's good for you to wait."</i><br />
<i>"But I don't want to wait."</i><br />
<i>"So?"</i><br />
<i>"Why should I wait if I don't want to?"</i><br />
<i>"Because it's good."</i><br />
<i>"What is good about it?"</i><br />
<i>"That's just how it is. Waiting is good for you."</i><br />
<i>"You don't even know why, do you?"</i><br />
<i>"I guess not."</i><br />
<i>"Well, I want to go."</i><br />
<i>"Then go."</i><br />
<i>"Okay, I will."</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
I literally do think that way. In case you wondered. Sometimes I wonder if that's how people end up getting Multiple Personality Disorder. Anyway, that's how I decided I'd go. So I'm going.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow night Ian is spending the night. Friday night my cousins are spending the night. Should be a fun weekend, overall.<br />
<br />
That's the end of this blog post. At least for today.<br />
<br />
MaraUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5782184634222543092.post-10434952129645470372010-08-11T17:40:00.000-07:002010-08-11T17:40:38.355-07:00Change is coming, no, it's nothing personal...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">9 days.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">This is my 400th blog post, not counting the draft that I keep meaning to delete. I'm working on a new playlist to celebrate.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">So, remember how I said I basically am in a constant state of being about to cry? Well, I still am, and it's only getting worse. If you're talking to me and I spontaneously burst into tears, don't take it personally. It's most likely not your fault.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I am officially moved in and settled into my new apartment. So far I totally love it. The apartment is really cute with all the paint and my awesome furniture, and living in Des Moines is totally bomb. I moved from Des Moines to a small town near where I live now when I was 11. Even though was 7 or 8 years ago, I kind of feel like I never got used to the whole small town thing. Mom has always said I'm more "urban" than the rest of my family. I'm definitely city girl. Don't get me wrong, riding dirt bikes and 4-wheelers through the backwoods is a fun time, but that's why it's good that my family still lives in good 'ole <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cambridge,_Iowa">C-town</a>.*</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Tonight's agenda consists of cleaning some stuff and maybe going to Plato's Closet to look for some jeans and most likely going to <a href="http://www.zanzibarscoffee.com/">Zanzibar's</a> or <a href="http://www.smokeyrow.com/Home.html">Smokey Row</a> so I can use the Internet. Right now I'm typing this on my iPod at work. I haven't been on the Internet outside of my laptop in like, a week. And before that it had been another week. I'm not even going through withdrawal or anything. I just miss Hulu. But honestly, the Internet takes up too much time when oh have it available all the time. There are lots of things to do that are way cooler.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I was going to be all serious and talk about meaningful things but I'm not going to. I don't feel like it.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Sincerely,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Mara</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">*I am guessing that you thought the C stands for Cambridge. It doesn't. It actually stands for "Crap." HA. Just kidding.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">EDIT: I'm at Smokey Row. This place is pretty hoppin'. There's a country singer chick here playing some tunes. She's a character. That's what I've decided. I don't know what she's a character <i>in</i>, but the fact that she is one is certain. Anyway, I'm going to go order something tasty and leave my laptop all vulnerable here at my table. Hasta la pasta.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1