I'm sorry that I can't take this pain away from you, I'd put it on my own body if I knew how to...

Don't you just wish that people understood you all the time?  That when you stumble over your words and when your facial expressions don't exactly match what you're trying to say that people would just get it, instead of getting all caught up in the how you said this or that and how you didn't actually look like you meant it and blah, blah, blah.

I would really like the CD "A Burn and a Shiver" by Edison Glass.

No one must like my blog anymore.  Google Analytics says I haven't had a visitor since December 7th.  That's kind of sad.  Maybe my blog is just boring now.  I'm not always very interesting, so I can understand that.

You know what else I wish?  I wish that when you wanted someone to know something they would just know it, instead of having to try and explain it to them.  That kind of goes along with what I said earlier.  I wish I didn't have to use words, and instead I could just feel and people would just get it.  I'm not good at talking.  I don't know how to say things, and I don't know how not to sound like a jerk, and I don't know how to make people relate to me.  I don't always know how to relate to people, either, which just adds to the issue.

I am singing a Bebo Norman song for Christmas Eve.  I like that.

Guess what I got for Christmas already?  My dragonfly ring.  It's beautiful.  I love my boyfriend.

Speaking of Christmas, that is coming up.  I have all my shopping done, which is awesome.  Mom's present probably won't come on time, but that is okay.  I got her an awesome thing.

Tonight Andrew has a band concert, and I'm going to it.  That should be a fun thing.  I might call Kim and see if I can stop over to give the boys their Christmas presents.  Carter, Owen, and Lewis got me the coolest Superman poster EVER for Christmas this year.  I got them some pretty sweet stuff too.  Klutz books FTW.

Right now I'm cutting out a picture of some cheerleaders.  They are wearing huge blue bows in their hair.  It's pretty tedious work, I tell ya'.  Cutting out black uniforms on a black background is not easy stuff.

Anyway, I am totally out of even remotely interesting things to say, so this is the end of today's blog post.



Please take a long, hard look through your textbook, because I'm history...

Oh my goodness, I am so sleepy today.  I really don't understand.  I am assuming it's my sleeping pill I took last night that has made me so dysfunctional and groggy today.  I am pretty sure that this was the result I go the last time I took a sleeping pill.  Normally, I can't get to sleep at night or I can't stay asleep, and then I wake up sleepy but eventually I am able to function somewhat normally, especially once I have some caffeine.  Last night I took my pill around 10:00 and it never really made me any sleepier than normal.  Like usual, I started getting an inkling of tiredness around 11 or 11:30 so I tried to go to sleep.  It seemed to take forever to fall asleep, but it was probably like 20 minutes or so, and then I woke up a couple times through the night.  When my alarm went off this morning I was groggier than normal.  I got out of bed late and never really did fully wake up.  I figured my shower would help me feel more awake, but it didn't.  I was excited to work on some Flash stuff, but I still couldn't keep my focus on it.  I can't form sentences that make sense.  I can't think of words.  I am on my third can of Diet Mountain Dew hoping the caffeine will wake me up if I just sip it slowly throughout the rest of the afternoon.  Of course, I did that with the first two cans and again, it didn't help.  My eyes are heavy and can't focus well and my muscles feel sleepy and my back hurts like heck whenever I move a certain way and I am having trouble structuring basic sentences and I'm incapable of comprehending anything anyone says to me that is more complicated than "Want a slice of pizza?"

It really isn't as miserable as I made it sound just now.  I am just not very productive today.  I can't even focus on typing this blog out.  Maybe Owl City will wake me up.

Later tonight I am going out to Cheesecake Factory with Emily.  We have a gift card for $10 or so that we got when we went like, a year and a half ago or something, from one of those internet surveys where you talk about what you thought about the restaurant and then they give you free gift cards.  Well, we never did use it, and we needed a plan for exchanging our presents to each other, so we're just doing it all tonight.  We're also going to look for presents for our first grade Sunday School kids.  We have gotten presents from a few of them, but we haven't yet made anything for them.  I think we're going to get them each a cute ornament and write them little notes and give them some candy, all in cute bags.  So we're going to work on that too.  It should be a fun night.

On Saturday Andrew and I are getting all dressed up and going out to Cosi Cucina for Christmas.  We're going to exchange our presents and have a nice dinner and then I don't know what we're going to do after that.  We will probably just come back to my house and watch a movie or something.

I have Google Analytics for my blog, and let me tell you, it is way fun.  I might have mentioned that before, but I still think it is the coolest thing ever.

Matt put the Adobe Master Collection CS4 on my laptop yesterday.  I am in design nerd heaven.

Today or yesterday, I don't remember, I was reading Kepa's blog.  He calls it The Fat Lazy Guy's Log, but he's not really fat or lazy.  Maybe he used to be, but he isn't anymore.  Anyway, he was talking about how he isn't a blogger because he doesn't write about a specific thing and he doesn't care about how many people read his blog and stuff like that.  I was sort of thinking about that because I am very much the same way.  My blog is just sort of a journal.  I write stuff in it.  Not specific types of stuff, just whatever is on my mind.  And eventually maybe I won't like it anymore, but right now I kind of enjoy having my life out there in public.  That is sort of backwards from how I normally am, because typically I don't really enjoy attention and being at the center of it makes me really uncomfortable most of the time, but with my blog I am kind of different.  No one thinks you're stupid on the internet.  The things you say are funny/inspiring/thought-provoking/whatever else to someone out there, instead of stupid or embarrassing or easy to disregard.  You become some other sort of human being, or maybe something else entirely, when you're using the written word in a public format.  That is how it seems to me at least.  In my groggy state of being.  So maybe tomorrow I won't think that at all.  But whatever.  You take me seriously because you're not with me in real life, so it's okay.

Anyway, I'm not really one of those famous bloggers who people read for entertainment or whatever.  I'm just Mara writing about Mara to whoever wants to know.  Probably not a lot of people do, but that is okay with me.

Actually, my blog has lots of visits from people all over the world.  Google Analytics taught me this.  You know why so many new people visit my blog?  Because they google lines from songs and then my blog titles come up.  They usually only stick around long enough to realize that this is some kid's blog and not a music lyric search site.  The average time spent on my blog overall is less than 30 seconds.  On new post days it is more like a minute and a half.  Fascinating, eh?

Anyway, that's all I really have to say at the moment.

A Slightly Incoherent Butterfly


The collapse of the world on the quietest day, this time it's the sun standing still...

The title of this blog is from "...Still" by Deas Vail.  However, I am listening to Owl City right now with my rockin' new earbuds that FINALLY CAME.  They are awesome.  They sound pretty good and they're super cute.  I am still going back and forth between sizes of the little rubber things.  So far I am happiest with the middle size.

Tonight I thought I had to babysit, but after some confusion about what night the church Christmas party was on, I learned that I didn't have to.  So we went to Andy's basketball game.  It was good.

I still haven't talked about my award.  Grrrr.  Okay, I should get to that soon.  I will try to do that tonight or tomorrow.

Tomorrow I am waking up and going to Christmas program practice to help fit the kids in their costumes.  Then I might go get some food with Em, and then I'm going back to church for worship team practice, and then I'm going out with Andrew.  It will be a busy day I guess.

I am so cold today.

I couldn't go to work all week except for Monday because of the lame snow storm.  That is kind of frustrating to me.  I feel poor now.  But I'm actually not poor, so it's okay.

I feel especially boring today.



I have heard that winter's cold will give way to summer's warmth...

Sometimes I make myself do things that I don't want to do just because I don't want to do them.  How does that make sense?  I don't want to do something, so I make myself do it?  If I don't want to go somewhere, why not just not go?  If I want to use my spare time to play Sims instead of crocheting, why not just play Sims?  Seriously.  I'm wacky.

I drink far too much Diet Mountain Dew.  I need to ween myself down to one can a day.  That will happen starting tomorrow, since I'm on can number 2 for today already.  I don't ever drink more than one bottle, or two cans, but I don't need that much, so that's going to stop.

I am sniffling and sneezing all over the place.  Matt and I both are getting colds.  So far Steve and Mark are both healthy, but we'll see how long it is before we infect them, too.

You know what sucks?  When you can't go out with your boyfriend because you have a cold, and if he catches your cold and then his sister catches it from him she could end up in the hospital.  Getting colds doesn't normally suck all that bad, but when you could hospitalize someone because of your cold that is just really, really crappy.  That said, my date with Andrew tomorrow night is still on unless I am worse in the morning.

Tonight I am going to the women's Christmas dinner at church.  I want to wear my purple tights, but I don't know what else to wear with them.  Suggestions?  Maybe I should be like Bethany at do.think.wear.see.love.dream and post a picture of the outfit!  Bethany is a friend of my aunt's, and her blog is one of my favorites.

Speaking of my aunt and blogs and stuff, I got a blog award from Manda!  But that is another post for another time.  I will try to talk about that later on tonight.  Right now I am doing a lunch break blog.

Check out those babies.  I bought myself a set of
Full Metal Jacket Skullcandy Earbuds for cheap off Amazon to replace the ones that Inali ate.  Hopefully they are awesome whenever they finally get here.

Time to make more ads.

Mara Tenille


Innocence gone, never take friendship personal, if you can't hold yourself together why should I hold you now...

Today is bipolar.  Very, very bipolar.  Sometimes I wonder if I am bipolar.  So far I have always concluded that I'm just an 18-year-old.  Today I decided is just stupid and unable to make up its mind on whether it is going to make me feel wonderful or craptastic.

I have no money.  Look both ways before you cross the street, kids.  You know those 2008 Acuras.  They'll come back to bite you and your little convertible, too.

Sprint has the stupidest, most senseless cellphone plans of all the service providers I can think of.  Don't choose them.

Today I remembered why Andy Harmsen is my little brother.  It's because he is awesome.  He carries your 24 pack of Diet Mountain Dew through the store for you, and he makes sure that your boyfriend has the opportunity to ride with him to come visit you at work, and he tells you that the massive dent and scraped paint on the side of your car "isn't that bad."  Those are all good brotherly things to do.  Andy is a good brother, and a good friend.  And... get this, ladies... he's single.  Catch him while you still can, because it's first come, first serve.

I found the school photos of Carter and Owen that I thought I had lost.  They were in a weird pocket in my laptop bag.  I was excited that I didn't accidentally throw them away, which is what I had wondered.  They weren't even wrinkled or scratched, which was an added bonus.  They are sitting proudly on the corner of a picture frame in my office.

My boyfriend thinks I am beautiful.  He loves me, even though I am a weirdo.

I bought some of the makeup that is on my Christmas/Birthday list.  If anyone gets me that, which I sort of doubt, it will be fine though, because I can always just save it to use when mine runs out.  I was running out of foundation, and there was a sale, and stuff, so yeah.  Probably no one cares about that, but since it's my blog I can talk about whatever I want.  I love blogs for that reason.  So don't buy me more makeup, unless you are fine with the fact that it is probably just going to get stuck in my makeup bag for a while.

Liquid foundation makes me feel like a Barbie doll.  And not in a good way.

So, Thanksgiving happened.  It was a pretty normal Thanksgiving.  My grandparent's dog ate my SkullCandies, so I am buying new, fancier ones.  Thank you, Amazon, for having good deals.  $22 instead of $60 is pretty rockin'.

Today Jeremy and Aleah and Kenny and Andy came and had lunch with me and Matt at work because Jeremy and Aleah are headed back to Florida tonight.  It was a fun lunch.  Hy-Vee Chinese is so, so, so delicious.  Mmmmmmongolian beef.  Yummy.

The movie The Blind Side is amazing.  Everyone should go see it.

I hope the last part of Andrew's Christmas present comes on time, or else I'll be sad.  It's a good present.

I play the Sims 2 a lot these days.  That's because it's the best game ever, in the whole world.

Well, I am off to Christmas shop now.



You're an artist, I'm a silly jerk, I think that dynamic could work...

Christmas/Birthday list, reposted and revised:
A note on the Etsy stuff for people who aren't familiar with it:  If an item is sold out, just look on the seller's page for another one of the same item.

Hmm.  I was sure I had thought of more.  I think I just forgot them.  Oh well.

Today I am tired.  Yesterday I was tired.  I don't remember if I was tired the day before that or not, but I probably was.  In short: I need a hardcore nap and I'm not getting one any time soon.

 I don't know what else to talk about.



A new afterthought, a stupid idea, I stayed home all day and wished you were here, it's been a hard year...

You know what makes me kinda mad?  When people are convinced they they are right and that anyone who believes differently is stupid or is naive or is foolish because they believe otherwise.  I mean, obviously there are times that things are a little different, like yes, Jesus is the only way to God, I am right, anyone who believes something is wrong, there is no other way, etc., but seriously, let's at least understand that the people who DO believe otherwise also think they are right.  We aren't the only ones with an opinion that we feel strongly about.  Atheists believe that God doesn't exist, possibly just as firmly as we believe that God does exist.  So why do people act like they're stupid for believing something different?  Like they're fools who can't think just because they're wrong?  I even see people do that about those little facets of Christianity that are really just details that don't even (in my opinion, ironically enough) affect ones salvation, like parts of the whole Calvinism vs. Arminianism debate.  Calvinists think that Arminians are idiots, and Arminians think Calvinists are idiots.  Neither of them really knows who is right.  Maybe they're both right, maybe they're both wrong, maybe they should just get over themselves.  Makes me sick.  I don't care if people believe strongly in something, and I think it's great when people do, but seriously, it's not like people are retards because they don't think like you do.  Give everyone some credit and just assume that they are smarter than you.  Chances are, they have just as much knowledge to offer you as you have to offer them.

Anyway, I don't know if any of that paragraph made sense, because frankly, I don't really proofread my blog posts.  You guys get it all raw and natural, exactly the way it comes out of my brain.

In other news, I'm still prom dress shopping.  I really don't know what I want, except that I think I want to have a little more fun with the whole ensemble this year.  Also, soon I am going to revise my Christmas/birthday list, again.  So if you were just aching inside because you didn't already have a million ideas, you're in luck, because I've come up with more stuff.

I am tired.  In pretty much all ways that a person can be tired, I think.

I am very far behind in NaNoWriMo.  That's really all there is to say about that.

Today after work I have to stop by the eye doctor to see if they can switch my contacts with a different brand that doesn't hurt my eyes so much.  I don't know why these ones have started bothering me so much, but I want to try something new and I haven't opened the box yet.  Anyway, yes.  After that I'll probably go to Michael's and get some yarn, because I am going to crochet some Mary Jane slipper socks.  Or try to, at least.

I am completely lacking creative ability today.  My brain is feeling pretty much worthless right now.



You would not believe your eyes if ten million fireflies lit up the world as I tried to sleep...

I like this song, and I like Owl City.  A lot of people like Owl City, it seems, which is cool.  Sophie insists that she liked them before the rest of the world knew about them, but I think that in reality she just found out about them at the same time as everyone else, so she already knew who they were when everyone started talking about them.  But you know, hey, maybe she's right.  If she read this, which she probably won't, she would probably bring up the time when I said that I thought up the saying "real men wear pink" before I had ever seen a t-shirt that said it.  She translated that to mean "I thought of the phrase 'real men wear pink' before anyone else did," and now she won't let me live down something that didn't even really happen.

So, the dude that is Owl City?  He loves Jesus.  I love it when I find an artist that I like and then I find out AFTERWARD that they love Jesus.  High five for you, Adam who is Owl City.  I am glad you know Jesus, and I am glad you are a fellow insomniac, and I'm glad your music is so awesome.

Life is basically perfect at this moment.  Animal crackers, coffee, and Owl City.  Fantastic.

NaNoWriMo update:  It is going surprisingly well.  I am not too overly stressed about it, and I have gotten my writing done every day so far.  Sarah (she is da bombdiggity, and she lives in Ohio) showed me this thing called Write or Die, where you tell it how many words you want to write and how soon you want to write them and how badly you need to get it done, and then it forces you to write by making an obnoxious sound or throwing a pop up in front of you or deleting your words until you start writing again.  It is awesome at tricking you into thinking that something terrible will happen if you don't keep writing.  Psychological manipulation is great.

Today someone thought I was 22 years old. *pumps fist*

Well, tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment in the morning, which is lame, but whatever.  I won't even tell you about the disgusting issues I'm having, except that my hair looks awful.  That's all you need to know.

On the brighter side of things, Andrew and I are going to FINALLY see Where the Wild Things Are tomorrow, and I am really excited.  I've been waiting for this movie since last spring when they first released the trailer.  We're going to get gelato at Stam beforehand, too, which is tasty and delicious and fun.

I have pink Chucks on.  I will have pink Chucks on for another 26 days.



I threw it all away, and the best part is not knowing just what I threw away...

NaNoWriMo has begun, and so far I'm clocked in with 1,928 words.  Today was easy.  Not sure how the rest of the month will be.  Eventually I am pretty sure I am going to run out of things to write about and start making up crazy things.  So we'll see if this novel turns out to be totally worthless.  Frankly, I don't really care that much, I just want to get to 50,000 words.

Today I got a new pair of bright pink high-top Converse Chuck Taylors.  They rock.  I am going to wear them everywhere until NaNoWriMo is over.  They will be good shoes to be stuck in.

Tomorrow night is Andy's big game.  I'm excited for it.  I really hope they win!  I think that this is the game where if we win then we get to play at the Dome.  That would be pretty awesome.

I have a headache.  Grrrrr.  I don't like that.

On Thursday Andrew and I are going to see Where the Wild Things Are.  I am super excited.  I have been waiting for months and months and months to see that movie.

I sang a Bebo Norman song this morning for church.  I love Bebo.  Great Light of the World is awesome stuff.

I have two fingernails with hangnails.  They hurt.  My toes also hurt from wearing crazy heels this morning.  So I am just in pain all over right now I guess.  Good grief.

Well, it's time for me to go to bed, and I don't really have much to write about tonight.  So, I hope your day is wonderful and whatnot.



Not so fast, come back, come back...

Alas, today's blog post is a sad one. Copeland has just announced their breakup on their website.

So, today I am mourning the loss of my favorite band. Less than a week ago I was singing along while Aaron Marsh crooned, "Sleep now, Moon, I'll watch over her while the sun is up," and "I'll smile for you now, because you're sad, but I'm not allowed to feel sad," and "I've got my life in a suitcase, I'm ready to run, run, run away." Turns out they really are running away. Turns out I am sad, and no one is smiling. And it turns out Copeland won't be watching over me anymore. Who will empathize with me when my days are riddled with angst? Who will explain exactly how I feel so that I don't have to? Whose music will flow through my green earbuds on sleepless nights while I hold tightly to my stuffed aardvark and whisper the words to my favorite songs? Whose metaphorical shoulder will I cry on when no one else is around?

Copeland, you were the brightest little firefly in my jar, and I hope to see you spark again.

Mara the sad little Butterfly Child


I've got my life in a suitcase, I'm ready to run, run, run away...

New blogger background.  It's kind of tacky and kind of cute, and it's better than nothing.  I gave up on the background I was making because for some reason I was incompetent and the size is way wacky.  So, sometime when I have a little more effort to devote I'm going to start from scratch and make something better.

CONCERT.  Okay, the concert was amazing.  I had SO much fun.  I have the best boyfriend in the entire world.  Barcelona, the opening band, turned out to be really good, and Andrew bought me their CD which is almost as good as their actual performance.  They were a lot like The Fray.  I think they have a lot of potential and I hope they put out more good music.  Copeland was awesome.  Aaron Marsh is a very interesting man, and he has a very pretty voice, and he writes very good songs.  I really enjoyed them, and I was getting pretty irritated at all the people that felt it was their duty to proclaim their displeasure all throughout the performance, and I might have smacked them if I wasn't such a nice, peacemaking person.  But anyway, in my opinion, Copeland was fantastic.  Relient K was a lot of fun.  They didn't play any pre-Two Lefts Don't Make A Right, But Three Do songs, which was a little bit disappointing because I am a big fan of a lot of their old music.  Softer to Me, For The Moments I Feel Faint, My Girlfriend, and Pressing On are all awesome songs, and I would have liked to hear modernized versions of them.  But nevertheless, the band was highly entertaining.  We enjoyed some good cover songs, such as a song from The Little Mermaid, the theme songs for The Office and People's Court (an homage to the venue in which the concert took place) and the Five Dollar Footlong song from the Subway commercials.  I laughed a lot.  The Matt Thiessen/Aaron Marsh duet of Let It All Out was lovely.  The whole concert was very good.  After the concert we went over to Centro, a tasty restaurant, for some dessert.  It was delicious, despite a little mishap that I won't talk about because I don't want you to hate that restaurant.  I had the Vanilla Bean Panna Cotta and Andrew had the Chocolate Creme Brule.  I also had a decaf latte, and Andrew had a glass of milk.  They gave us yummy bread, too.  And we drank like, eight glasses of water a piece.  The atmosphere was lovely and the food was delicious and the service was great.  The whole night was really lovely.

NANOWRIMO.  I'm going to either die of nervousness before it starts, or die of lack of sleep once it does.  I am seriously going to be writing non-stop until December 1st.  But I am so, so, so excited.  I am sure my novel will be crap, but I really just want to be able to say that I did it.  If nothing else, I've thought through my main two characters pretty well, and I hope to give them a lot of depth, even if the story ends up not being very good.  But we'll see how that goes over.  I just want to write 50,000 words.  That's my goal.  So, anyway, I have a special green composition notebook and swirly green pen that I have been scribbling in whenever I think of something.  It's an awesome pen.  I also have a NaNoWriMo station on Pandora that I am fine-tuning so that it plays the perfect genre of writing music.  Nice, mellow, jazzy, folksy, piano rock.  It's pretty boss.  I feel like maybe I am taking this too seriously, but I don't really care.  I am nervous.  I am excited.

Today for lunch we all got Hy Vee Chinese food.  It was SO GOOD.  I love Chinese.  LOVE.

Tonight I am going to my little brother's football game.  The fake little brother, not a real one.  Anyway, it is our district game I think, or something like that, so it's a pretty big deal.  We should win.  I am stoked for it.  Afterwards we'll probably go get some food and have a good time.  I think Matt is coming to the game too.  Andrew isn't coming because he has to do pep band stuff at the Ballard game tonight, so that is kind of a bummer.  But the best part of all is that it is Em's 21st birthday today!  Yay!  It's pretty weird that she's 21.  I think she was 14 when we were first friends.  Actually, we weren't friends then.  We pretty much didn't like each other at all.  But then eventually we spent most of our time together, and I spent the night at their house like, every other weekend.  And now we're almost all grown up.  Weird.  Haha.

The End.


The scene and herd seem to make it all just a little bit worse...

Today I will write lines from Relient K songs. I'm listening to every Relient K CD today, in order.

Walk through the streets of PA and you may see her
Go up to her and say you're a believer
Disgusting crap on MTV, it makes her smile
That guy from Satan's embassy put him on trial

Because Marilyn Manson ate my girlfriend
Satan consumed her mind
And he may do it again
Marilyn Manson ate my girlfriend
She once believed in the truth
Now she believes in sin

Today after work I am going to get some NaNoWriMo supplies. I've decided to try it out, because even if I can't finish I will at least have tried, and there's no harm in that. So I'm going for it. Anyway, so I'm going to get a notebook and a cool pen, and those will be only for writing NaNoWriMo related things. I am going to mainly type my novel, but if I think of something and I want to write it down, I'd better have a sweet pen and a notebook nearby, or else my whole novel might be ruined. That would be not so good.

I think we're going somewhere
We're on to something good here
Out of mind
Out of state
Trying to keep my head on straight

Andrew is getting coffee. He just texted me that. I'm jealous. The thing about Indianola is that it has absolutely nothing worthwhile in it. If you want a latte, you either go without or you go to Des Moines. Well, I guess there are McDonald's lattes now. But seriously, I refuse to lower myself to that level. Actually that isn't true because I did try their mocha once, but I didn't really like it. The espresso tasted cheap and it wasn't sweet enough for me. Ick. So no lattes for me.

It's the principle, it's the issue
That your principal would dismiss you
Because you don't fit into that All-American box
The coffin created for creative thought

Tomorrow night is the concert, and I am SO EXCITED. We are going to have a lot of fun. After the show we're going to get dessert somewhere, which will be fun. We still have to pick somewhere though, so if any Des Moines people know of any restaurants with good dessert near People's Court, definitely let us know.

All this dessert talk is making me hungry.

Well, this is how the story goes
We want everybody to know
We love Skittles and Combos
So bring some to our next show

From our head down to our toes
We love Skittles and Combos
So if you want to see our faces glow
Just bring some to our next show

Deny us Combos
Refuse us Skittles
I admit, those words hurt a little
But we know it'll be okay
If you'll just send some our way

That was a long one. But only because it's a small piece of Relient K greatness. And I am SO HUNGRY. Lunch time is happening now.

Someone please save us, us college kids
What my parents told me is what I did
They said, "Go to school and be a college kid"
But in the end I question why I did

Last night I painted my nails black. Today it is all chipping off. Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear or whatever the name is, your nail polish sucks. I can get cheaper nail polish that stays on for longer than 12 hours. So there. IN YOUR FACE.

Relient K is a good band. I'm excited that I finally get to see them live. Maybe we will even get to meet them! That's always fun.

Okay, taking a little break now from Relient K. Rockin' to some Dead Poetic, and then maybe turning on Pandora for awhile.

Some John Reuben, to switch things up:

I'll make the music if you make it look good
I don't dance, but I think that you should
Pillar is on now. I have not listened to Pillar in a very long time. That's so weird. I miss good bands like this. Sometimes I forget good music for a long time, and then suddenly I remember or it pops onto Pandora or something. That is good, that it comes back eventually. The world can't afford to have good bands slipping through the cracks. Now KJ-52 is on. I could take KJ or leave him, frankly. I'm more of a J-Reu gal. Whoa, hey, Trevor McNevan is in this song! That was a shocker. Run for Cover is the song, for the record. Hmm. Interesting. I think I approve of this song. It's definitely got some TFK tinged stuff in it, along with KJ's rappin'. Makes for an interesting mix.

Okay, I am going to stop giving you a play-by-play of what Pandora is pulling up, because I am boring myself, and I can't imagine you, the reader, are feeling too differently.

Tonight I thought I had worship team, but it turns out that I don't. So, that means I am going to bed early. I'm forcing myself. Plus, Andrew made me promise to get to sleep by 10, and I said I would. I need to get over this half-sickness, so some sleep is definitely in order. Before I sleep, however, I think I might see if Mom wants to make some chocolate mug cake and watch a movie or something. I need some chillaxin' time.

Hahaha. Steve just emailed me. Turns out the Info2Go brochures have a square black box on the back where we had thought the printing people were going to but a business card holder. Smooth move on our part. I think we just forgot to tell them to add that over the top of the box. So we have a whole slew of funny looking brochures. Funny stuff.

Back to Relient K.

Rudolf's puking balls of holly
And old Saint Nick ain't all that jolly
The sleigh's in the shop, 'cause it's broken down
But Christmas won't stop
Santa Clause is thumbing to town

I just had to make a phone call for work. Scary. I mean, it wasn't any big deal, but making phone calls isn't really my thing. It freaks me out. I'm always scared that I sound like an idiot.

Unfortunately the new blogger background is throwing a fit, so it might have to wait a while. For now, you get this nice, icky brown. I am sick of that butterfly one. I am really ADD about changing backgrounds to things. My desktop wallpaper changes every couple of weeks, at least. I'm a little weird about stuff like that sometimes.

You said, "I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart, things will just get worse.
If the burden seems to much to bear,
Remember, the end will justify the pain it took to get us there."

Why am I so flibbin' hungry all the time? Good gravy.

Okay. End blog post.



With your eyes closed, watching a strange show play out in your head...

Click here to see my Etsy favorites. Those are all also good Christmas/birthday gift ideas. Some of them are expensive though and thus are just fun to look at.

Okay. Christmas list update! I am adding everything to the bottom of the original list and reposting it. Most of the new things are links that I've had saved for a long time, and some of them are selections from my favorite Etsy things.

Okay, I think that's all for now.

I am thinking of doing NaNoWriMo next month. I think I'm going to do it. I am going to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. That's about 175 pages. The largest novel I ever wrote was 34 pages, unfinished. I was 11. So, I guess I am going to brainstorm plots and stuff while I'm deciding. To be honest with you, and to show what a nerd I am, this how-to article is sort of what got me started thinking about it. It's got some good tips. I mean, I have always kind of secretly wanted to do it, and Hans does it and he's cool, and I think Sarah and Lara do it too, and I kind of want to be just like them. I don't know. This sounds intense. Mom said that if I do it I should only wear my cowboy boots until I finish. That's what my cousin Maren did while she was working on an art final for college.

I decided today to get some eggplant colored tights. That's all I really have to say on that point.

I WANT A SODA SO BAD. I don't think I can take it. I can drink diet soda now without gagging, so that's awesome. But seriously. I think I'm going to have to get one. I have been really good about not buying snacks and stuff lately, so I don't even have to feel that guilty about it. Plus, I could get diet. Oh yes. It's happening.

Three days until Relient K and Copeland. I am SO excited. I'm listening to Copeland now to get myself all prepared. I'm trying to make sure I know all the lyrics. Hahaha.

I've got my life in a suitcase
I'm ready to run, run, run away
I've got no time, because I'm always
Trying to run, run run away
Because every day, it feels like it's only a game
I've got my life in a suitcase, a suitcase, a suitcase

This blog is getting really long. Sorry guys. You really don't have to read it. *laugh*

Could you be happy to fall like a stone
If you'd land right here safe in my arms?
It's fine
Lock all your doors through the night
Keep it all right here safe in my arms
It's fine

I think I'll just continue to quote songs. Maybe it'll help me learn them better or something. Or, if nothing else, it's just fun.

Where I hung my coat
That's where I left my head
So you'd be wise to doubt
Every word I ever said
'Cause I just woke to eat some chocolate and go straight back
I'll go straight back to bed

Where's my head?

I am a pro at this. And also I love Copeland.

So. Andrew is job shadowing an actuary today. That's a pretty big deal. I am excited for him, but I am also pretty nervous, because it could end up having a pretty huge impact on whether he moves far, far away next year or if he only moves sort of far away. I am hoping that he loves the job so that he will just go to Drake instead of going to UPenn. Pennsylvania is a long drive.

He's in love with tragedy, in love with tragedy
She was a wreck, but he loved her
She was a wreck, but so was he
And the last time he saw Dorie he didn't know what to say
But "thank you, because you loved me
It's all on me, because I didn't want to stay"

Live, live, live
Live because you love, love love
And love will make you give, give, give
And give in when you break, break break
But you just want to fix yourself
Just to break again

There is a new blogger background coming, and I actually made it. It's coming along. It's hard to know if something looks good when you've stared at it for too long, so we'll see what happens with it.

Okay. I think that is the end of this blog. It's getting excessive.

Mara the Butterfly


But it's not so bad, you're only the best I ever had...

Pandora Radio and I have been good friends lately.  It's a very cool piece of technology.  I know I am kind of behind in the times for not having used it already, but Steve (my boss) just recently explained what it was to me, and it sounded pretty cool, so I gave it a try.  It's pretty cool to see the songs it picks and why it picks them.  For example, the song that's playing right now is called Past In Present by Fiest, and Pandora chose it because "it features electric rock instrumentation, folk influences, a subtle use of vocal harmony, mild rhythmic syncopation, and acoustic rhythm piano."  Pretty awesome, huh?

I am sick today.  I have spent most of the day on the couch.  I skipped church and slept until 11 or so, and then laid around and watched tons of The Office and watched episodes of FlashForward and House and slept some more and ate some food here and there.  Oh, and I cut my thumb open while I was slicing some apples.  It's hard to text message when you have a band-aid on your thumb.  Right now I am sipping Crystal Light.  I am going to watch more The Office and then work on my bible study so that I don't walk into the room feeling like a complete and utter failure for not having anything done, which is how it's been pretty much every week.

Okay, so get this.  I clicked on the song I've Got Ten Friends and a Crowbar That Says You Won't Do Jack" by Underoath (yeah, that one's a mouth full) and here are some of the "Features of This Song":

hard rock roots
electronica influences
punk influences
a subtle use of vocal counterpoint
a subtle use of vocal harmony
groove based composition
demanding instrumental part writing
minor key tonality
dirty electric guitar riffs
an aggressive male vocalist
electric pianos
an unintelligible vocal delivery
classic rhodes sound

These are just a few of the hundreds of attributes cataloged for this song by the Music Genome Project.

Whoa!  That's just something else.  Heh.  "Unintelligible vocal delivery."  Funny.

Random: This week I should hit 123,456 miles on my car.  I hope to take a picture with my phone.

I have a date on Friday.  Copeland, Relient K, and dessert.  The best things.



The closer I come to you, the closer I am to finding God, you're a miracle to me...

Here is the Christmas List so far, with some stuff added to the stuff I already mentioned:
I am sad because I don't think that ModCloth has the dress I love anymore.  Anyway, I will keep adding to the list as I think of more stuff.

Today I am sleepy and bored.  I don't have many days like that.  But I guess that just happens sometimes.  I am excited to go home and wear comfy clothes and relax for awhile.  First I am going to the craft store to get yarn and a crochet hook to make Andrew a new winter hat.  He asked me to make him one, and the one that he has now is all stretched out and messed up.  I am pretty excited to try crocheting a hat because I've never done that before.  It is a pretty plain hat so it shouldn't give me any trouble.  I think after this I will knit the hat I have been meaning to make for myself, and then try to crochet something more complicated.  So yep.  That's the plan.



Baby, close your eyes, don't open 'til the morning light...

Andrew informed me last week that he is planning on the two of us going to his senior prom in the spring. For some reason that caught me by surprise. I don't know why I wasn't expecting that he would want to go. I just had it in my head that he wouldn't care about prom this year and so we just wouldn't go. But I was wrong, and he is looking forward to it. Needless to say, I am now kind of excited to start looking for a dress, even though that is still really far away. I am trying to get a head start and an idea of what I want, and also it's just one more way that I can let out some of the girliness that doesn't get to see the light of day very often. Makeup, prom dresses, and Bath & Body. Those are pretty much the only things in the realm of girlishness that I get very excited about. Well, there might be more, but those are the only ones I can think of. All the other times I am pretty much game for action movies and superheroes and driving fast and Carter and Owen's slimy creatures and stuff like that.

Kim, I don't know if you read this or not, but I didn't forget that you wanted to come dress shopping with me. That will definitely happen.

Today is a food-filled day. Some days are like that. They are delicious, at least. I don't think I've eaten a ton or anything, it just feels like it. I will be back at it tomorrow, eating good stuff and working out and stuff. Speaking of which, Andrew says he can tell I'm skinner, and that makes me so insanely happy. I mean, it isn't like I have a huge weight loss goal or anything, but getting down to 115 doesn't seem unreasonable, and I'm really excited to be getting closer.

On Friday Andrew is coming over. We are going to watch Say Anything, because it is one of my favorite movies and he hasn't ever seen it. I am really excited, and I don't really even know why, because it isn't like we are doing something super special or out-of-the-ordinary. Just movie night at my house in comfy clothes with yummy snacks. That just sounds really, really nice though. So, anyway, I am super excited for that.

Something I am excited for that IS a big deal is happening next weekend. Friday, October 23rd my lovely boy is taking me to see Relient K and Copeland in Des Moines. It is going to be SO FUN. I love both of those bands. I have the best boyfriend in the whole entire world. Seriously, it's true.

Mark just murdered my ears with one of those super-insane-high-pitched ringtones on his iPhone. I have pretty good hearing, but that was painfully high and painfully loud. My ears still feel funny.

Twenty more minutes and I can leave!

I am really into a few different TV shows right now, which is pretty unusual. With the rise of Hulu and Netflix, however, it's like this whole new world has opened itself up to me. It's kind of dangerous, but pretty great sometimes too. Right now I am in the middle of Season 4 of the Office. Yeah, I'm a little behind. Honestly, I really only watch it for Jim and Pam, and I know that they just got married like, last week or something, so I am just waiting around until they hook up and then we'll see if it holds my interest. It is a hilarious show and I laugh out loud every time I watch it, so I might become a loyal follower. The other show I am into is Psych, but you already knew that most likely. Psych is the best show. I have gotten into FlashForward as well, but I am starting to wonder if they are going to end up totally going around in circles and getting more and more confusing like LOST. LOST is great, but I would kind of like to watch a show that eventually actually ENDS. So, we'll see how that turns out. I also watched the House season premier, which was pretty incredible, and I plan on continuing to watch that as well, if I have the time. I am not sure when I am planning to fit in all these TV shows, but lately Sunday afternoons and evenings have become my TV catch-up time.

I need a song line for a title. I still haven't thought of one. It's more difficult because Steve's music is playing, and I don't know any of those lyrics. Not blog-title-worthy ones at least. And I forgot my headphones so I can't listen to my music. So, I am still pondering. I will think of one soon, I'm sure. I've had enough songs running through my mind lately that it really should be easier than this.

There. That'll do it.

Mara Tenille


When I'm with you, my heart is home...

Alex Arthur's new song Breaker is fantastic.  Ben sent it to me a week or so back.  Listen.

My hair is black.  Well, almost black.  Pretty close.  Here is a bad webcam photo so you can have a sneak peek.

I am still thinking about Christmas presents.  I know there are some eyeshadows I want, and some other makeup things.  I could use some belts.  My perfume will probably be close to gone by then, and I've picked a new kind that I want.  There are probably plenty of CDs I want.  Band shirts are good, too.  Yep, there are lots of things.

Today is Ian's birthday.  I got him the Family Force 5 Christmas Pageant CD and gave it to him last night.  He apparently listened to it all morning.  He's a goofball.

I love Underoath.  Someone should get me some Underoath CDs, because I only have They're Only Chasing Safety.  That one is amazing though.  But I definitely need more.  Oh yes.

This is a short blog.  It was written all throughout my work day and it's STILL short.  Maybe I am just bored or something.  Hmm.  That could be.

Mara Tenille


Christmas time is here...

Today is a pretty okay day. I am tired, but I am still happy because for starters, I have lost 7 pounds, putting me almost halfway to my rather small weight loss goal. I am doing better at counting my calories and I've worked out semi-consistently so far. I'm also happy because Family Force 5's Christmas CD came out today. I think I will buy it one of these days for my family and I. I bet it's awesome.

I am going to start my Christmas/birthday list now. I am starting pretty late this year, actually. Here is what I have so far:

  • Girl sized band shirts. You can figure out what bands I like at www.last.fm/users/ellisbelle and looking at my top artists.
  • A nice jacket or two that are comfy and warm but not ugly.
  • Shoes. Size 7.5. Always need more shoes.
  • PHP book, so I can learn to be a nerd.
  • The Enamored Owl laptop skin for a 15.4" laptop. SOFREAKINGCOOL.
  • A Holga camera, and the film adapter that goes with it, and any accessories and whatnot.
I had lots more but I can't remember them now. I will think of them and then add them in another post.

Last night I watched Lost at the Harms and Andrew and Andy. That is always lots of fun. We ate homemade pizza and spoon fudge. It was good times. Lewis talks a ton now, which is hilarious. "Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, hey you! Come chase me!"

My new laptop bag came yesterday. It is pretty cute. It's blue and brown. I love waiting for packages. I am waiting for all my new makeup to come in, which is fun. For some reason I usually end up expecting more than one package at a time, which then makes it kind of sad when they come and then I don't have anything to anticipate.

Time to go home! I should sit down and do a blog that might actually entertain people one of these days. That would probably be good.



If you see me at midnight walking the streets, you'll know it's me, for I cannot sleep...

I pushed away the dreams and spoiled the quiet
I'm propelled by fear and not the righteous

So have you been to a place like this?
To see your breath as it paints against the sky
The fever is near, I wish you were here...
the city lights - umbrellas

Here are some song lines that are awesome from throughout my day today.

So what if now is all you have?
Live as if you never knew what it was to lose...

dark - terminal

I want to see miracles
To see the world change
Wrestled the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause
I'm singing, Spirit, take me up in arms with you...

twenty-four - switchfoot

It's you and me, we could get out of here
Jump in and go and we could drive for years
We could feel alive...
summertime - mae

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out...
broken - lifehouse

Hands like secrets are the hardest things to keep from you
Lines and phrases like knives, your words can cut me through
Dismantle me down
You dismantle me...

dismantle. repair. - anberlin

When I'm losing all control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down...
look after you - the fray

The only chance that I have tonight
Is if something that I ate made my dreams not right...
where's my head - copeland

And if you get caught in the fire
Just think about what made your heart cry out
For a little fire at all
cover what you can - copeland

I'll tell you flat out
It hurts so much to think of this...
when i go down - relient k

Call me a liar, call me your friend
I will let you down again
Because I'm a disaster of epic proportions
I will let you down again...
the end - the classic crime

Oh no, I'm crossing my fingers
In hopes that you will not leave me...
same problem - waking ashland

I'm alive, but tell me am I free?
I've got eyes, but tell me can I see?
The sky is falling but no one knows...
sky is falling - lifehouse

Say when, and my own two hands will carry you tonight...
say when - the fray

Consequence is our need in times like this
Feeling free is our modern disease...
young and aspiring - underoath


The only chance that I have tonight is if something that I ate made my dreams not right...

Today I am watching the Chicken Shed while Mrs. Harmsen is at a college visit with Andy.  It's kind of fun, actually.  Even though I haven't the faintest idea how to decorate with this stuff.  It's still kind of nice.  I enjoy it.  Plus, it smells really good in here all the time, which is fun.

Tonight I have a hawt date with my boyfriend.  He's the best ever in the world.  We are going to Hickory Park and then to the forest preserve to go on a walk.  I was just talking to Kim last night about how he and I go on walks all the time.  I think it's because it's free and we actually get to interact with each other, and it's just kind of fun.  I don't know.  We just like it.

Lots of customers today.  That is kind of nice.  It means there are actually things for me to do.

My boss said he would buy me an ActionScript book so that I can learn it.  That is awesome.  I am actually really excited to learn a scripting language, as nerdy as that is.  I also am asking for a book on PHP and MySQL for Christmas and my birthday.  Those are also nerdy things.  I am turning into a computer geek really, really fast.  But I like my job a lot.  It's pretty awesome.  And even though I keep saying that I am left out because I am the only employee without a Macbook Pro, I get the biggest moniter except for Steve, and that's pretty cool, and the PC I use is pretty much outfitted to do everything I could ever need it to do, which is cool.  It is a good job, and it's a lot of fun.

Sold more stuff.  W00t!  I think I am getting better about guessing the prices for all the things that aren't priced.  Which is a LOT of things, let me tell you.  It's a challenge.  I always feel the need to tell customers, "Well, I don't price any of this, and a lot of time there aren't stickers, so I'm going to say it's this much and hopefully that works out well."

The Chicken Shed is jamming to some Copeland today.

I am kind of sleepy today.  Being at Kim's until 1 AM was probably not helpful as far as being awake.  It was fun though, so it was worth it.  Plus, I would probably be sleepy anyway, because I pretty much always am.

Andrew stopped in to visit me.  He is sweet.

Well.  I guess I'm out of things to say.

Mara the Butterfly


Sometimes it's embarrassing to talk to you, to hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through this version of myself I try to hide behind...

I am going to write more songs.  I have to.  It has been far too long.

Today when I get home from work the new guitar strings are going on.  annA and Zardo are getting all fixed up just in time for what I hope to be my big musical comback.  Haha, yeah, so the musical comeback basically amounts to Mara-wants-to-record-a-couple-covers-and-re-record-some-old-songs.  But hey, I might even break out the keyboard.  Show off my mad skillz.  Actually, in case you didn't know, I am terrible at playing the keyboard.  I really should have learned how to read music back in the day when I had the time, but I didn't.  Andrew has said for years now that he would teach me, and he hasn't yet.  *hinthint*

I somehow managed to get gunk on the keys of my laptop keyboard.  I will now clean them.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ,m, m n,,mmmmm                                xszasfgyhjuiolokijklouuuuuuuuuuuuuuiiiujiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiu';lo,juyioikjukiju

That is a little bit better.

Right now I am listening to the playlist that is featured on my dear friend Emily's blog.  She likes good music, and she writes good things.  Her blog is one of my favorites.

Mom got home laaaaaate last night.  I don't know what time because I was asleep.  So, it is good that she is finally home.  I missed her.  It was nice to get to be my own person for a while, I won't lie, but it's also nice to have a mom.

Wow, I got the news done really early today.  High five for me.

I am hungry, and I have very little food.

I keep finding all these new little dings on my iPod. How to I manage that?  Good grief.  It's not like I drop it all the time or anything.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly the most protective person in the world when it comes to my technology, but seriously, how do I manage to get all my expensive stuff so scratched and dinged up?

My tummy is grumbling at me and my computer has problems.

We just figured out that Matt, my coworker/partner in crime is older than Steve, our boss.  How hilarious is that?  He has him by like 5 months.  That is so funny.  I am still the young'un though.  Oh well.

Tomorrow is Friday.  I am going to Kim's house for a chick flick night.  I'm excited for that.  Then, on Saturday, I have to run the Chicken Shed and then after that I am going on a date with my lovely boyfriend.  He is taking me to Hickory Park and then we are going on a walk.  We go on a lot of walks, for some reason.  That is okay though, because walking is fun, and it's free, and we actually get to talk to each other.  Anyway, when we're done walking we might go watch a movie back at his house.

It is finally lunch time.  That is such a good thing right now.  Oh man.  I am so hungry today for some reason.



Forget love, I just want you to make sense to me tonight...

Is this too hard?
Am I asking so much?
Is this impossible for you, Love?

Sometimes I get irritated at stuff.

Today was a sort of busy day but sort of not at all.  I woke up at 10, which was AWESOME.  I can't even begin to describe how amazing it felt to sleep that late, and actually be asleep the whole time.  I normally sleep terribly, so to only wake up a couple times is really, really nice.  Much less to actually be able to stay asleep until 10.  So, I woke up, got all Iowa'd up, and then went to the Chicken Shed to hang out with Em.  We didn't really do anything.  I tinkered with my laptop, which has been outfitted with Ubuntu and all the necessary packages and programs to make it compatible with stuff.  It took me two days to find a music player that actually played music.  Is that too much to ask of a music player?  That it play music?  I don't think so, personally.  But you know, maybe I am setting my sights too high.  Anyway, after that I came home, made all these fun plans to go out with my friends, and then almost all of them bailed on me and we ended up doing nothing.  So, I grocery shopped all by myself.  I think I did pretty well, but we'll see if we run out of food by Wednesday or not.  Then I came home.  I am listening to Anchor&Braille, as you may have guessed by the title of this blog and the lyrics below it, and making my laptop awesomer, and IMing Benjamin, and a bit ago I was eating some cereal.  Cereal is so delicious.  I would die without it, I think.

Aaron Marsh + Steven Christian = Amazing.

I tweet a lot.  I hope that is not annoying.

On Friday I got my new glasses and contacts.  I have only worn my contacts once, for just a little while, but I have been wearing my new glasses since then.  They are cute, I think, but I am a little concerned about the perscription.  I still feel like I live inside a glass bubble, and it's been a whole day.  Is that normal, or should I have gotten used to the new perscription by now?  I am mostly just concerned that the eye doctor gave me lenses that are too strong.  Maybe I do just need to get used to it though.  Hmm.  I hope they didn't mess it up.

Now I am listening to Snowbirds And Townies by Futher Seems Forever.  Cheesiest, stupidest song ever.  But, I will admit, I love it.

I bought an eyeliner brush today for my new mineral makeup.  I am really excited to try it out.  I love my new foundation.  I need to order a regular sized thingy of it before the sample size that I have is all gone.  I have lots and lots of little eyeshadow samples that are a lot of fun, too.  I wore gold sparkly stuff on my eyes today to be festive for the Iowa/Iowa State game.  Which, by they way, ended wonderfully, with Iowa smashing ISU.

Tomorrow morning is church.  I need to pick something to wear.

My friend Sarah had her baby.  His name is William Marcus McDied.  I am excited for her and her husband.  They are both lovely people, and I am sure their son will be a lovely boy.

Out of my arms
And into the air
So far from your charms
That I cannot bear
Another year
In this long-forgotten beach town we once shared

I am a sleepy kid.  I think it is maybe time to watch some Superman and go to sleep.  Mmmmmm, tea.  That sounds nice, too.  Maybe I will make some.

The Butterfly Child


After all this time I never thought we'd be here...

Today is Thursday. Not quite Friday yet. Tonight I have nothing to do. That needs to change.

Mom is on a plane to Houston RIGHT NOW. I miss her.

Lifelight was really fantastic. We all had tons of fun. Manic Drive's guitarist is AWESOME. He does this constant robot dance thing while he plays guitar. Listen to that band. Their new CD rocks, and my copy was the first one ever that the band autographed. That is pretty cool. Family Force 5 was really good, too. Fatty prayed at the end of the concert, which was way cool of him. I found the guitar pick that (I assume) Chap Stique threw at the crowd on the ground while we were cleaning up trash in front of the stage after everything ended. I was a happy kid because of that. I also bought an Esterlyn T-shirt that his fingerletters on it. It's cute. We sat in the hottub every night, which was SWEET. And other things were awesome, too, but that is going to take forever to talk about, so just know that the trip was awesome.

Saturday I am going to work the Chicken Shed. I am going to listen to the radio while I do it. But not just any radio station. I am going to listen to the Iowa/Iowa State game. The game where Iowa will win.

Me and Matt Rittman work together now. We even share an office now. A much nicer office than my old office. It has a coffeemaker in it now. And we want to get a minifridge and a microwave. I think we actually have an old microwave in the basement. I should bring that. Then we can make popcorn whenever we want and we don't have to use the wacky microwave in the records room.

Me and Matt are working on the new Info2Go website. It's going to rock.

I hate when I lack inspiration for designy things. Or just in general.

We are putting another desk in here for Steve. Hahaha. This room is going to be the party room.

I think I am going to get some of my awesome superhero signs to put up in this office. The walls are ugly and need to be decorated. I am also going to look for cool posters at Wal Mart today. Sometimes they have neat movie posters there.

That is all.



We're gonna party...

I am blogging right now while I wait for Corel Paint Shop Pro to install. We are on the road to Sioux Falls for LifeLight! Steven let me borrow his magic stick that runs the internet everywhere you go, so I am able to do awesome things. I do actually have to work, which is the reason I have it. The news needs to get done once this is all installed, and then I will probably pass the laptop off to someone else so they can check their facebook or whatever. Anyway. Yep. Awesomesauce.

I am getting a cold. That is not a fun thing, but maybe it will go away before it gets worse.

I am sitting in the back seat between Peter and Sierra.

Yay! Everything is all installed now, so I have to get to work. Later.



On these boats ride the hopes of working class boys dreaming of girls from far away points...

Andrew is amazing.  I am sure that some of you are sure that I only think that because he is my boyfriend and so of course I think that, but if you knew him you would understand.  He is amazing.  For two weeks we didn't see each other, and so last night he FINALLY gets back, and I was already really excited, but I get home from work and who is standing in my back yard waiting for me?  Yes, Andrew.  So.Sweet.  And he brought me chocolates.  AWESOMESAUCE.

Anyway, he is the best.  Today we went for a walk on a nice little trail up in Ames.  We also walked around the mall and ate some tropical sno.  It was really nice.

I missed that boy a lot.  I am glad he is home.

Tomorrow a very sleep deprived me is going to work.  I am not going to have an typos on anything that I work on.  I am also not going to eat crazy amounts of food.  And when I am done working I am going to do some crunches and go to sleeeeeeeeep.  Dieting for the win! (Yes, I did just spell that out.  So wh  at.)

Wednesday night is my last night working at Panera, which is exciting.  It has been a pretty good place to work so far, but I am glad it is over, just so that I can have time to do things.  It is going to be a good thing.

I need to write more songs.

I am listening to a good playlist right now.  I made it.  I have good taste in music.

I miss my big brother.  College sucks.

Tuesday night - Lost
Wednesday night - Panera
Thursday night - worship team
Friday night - FOOTBALL!!!  Go little bro!
Saturday - Prairie Fest talent show (I think it is just a show this year and not a competition.  Oh well.  No $100 for me.)
Sunday - Church at the park, other Prairie Fest stuff
Monday - work and maybe Lost

I am ready to sleep now, I think.

Mara Tenille


Halfway around the world lies the one thing that you want...

A friend of mine is leaving at the end of this week. One of my best. He is my big brother, and I am his baby sis'. When I want to laugh the hardest I go to him. When I need to be cheered up he always makes it happen. We shared earbuds and annoyed the people around us by humming along with the songs we were listening to, or sometimes just belting it out as if everyone could hear the music. Sometimes in school we had southern accent days, or sometimes we had musical days where we could only sing the things we said. We just had fun all the time. He very quickly grew to be one of my favorite people. I don't want him to leave. But Patrick will be leaving for UNI on Saturday, and that will be that.

And to add to all of that business, I miss Andrew. Tomorrow is his birthday. He will be 18. He comes home on Saturday. One more week. I can do it.



I hold it all when I hold you...

Hello little blog! I am back from vacation. I will not proceed to tell you all about it.

The family reunion was first, and was fun. Not really anything to comment on there, except that my cousins have some really cute kids.

The vacation part of the vacation was good. I got sort of homesick, so I am glad to be home. I kayaked a teensy bit, just around the little swimming area of the lake. I didn't really swim lots, but I did fish a little bit, but we declared that the lake was mostly fishless. I also crocheted like a little old lady. I made some neato things. And I lounged around the cabins and gained a couple pounds, but that brings me to my next point... the diet plan! W00tW00t!

So, Andrew informed me a couple of weeks ago that after he is back from Houston he is going to stop eating junk food and start working out, and that I had to make sure he did it. So, in order to motivate him, and in order to buff up my bod, I am going to do it too. So I am going to cut out junk food and pop and start working out more. So, Andrew is supposed to keep me motivated, and I am supposed to keep him motivated, and if anyone else would like to join us in either getting in shape or keeping us motivated, you are more than welcome. So, here is my thinking:

  • At least 100 crunches per day
  • No junk food. This includes chocolate, candy, and Pop Tarts. Basically all my favorite things. *sniff*
  • Yoga and Pilates, baby.
  • Once a week I can have Mountain Dew or candy or chocolate. Just once a week. No exceptions.
  • This shindig starts when Andrew gets back. Which will either be Thursday or Saturday, if I remember right

So yep. That's the deal.

Anyway, I have to go and unload stuff now.

I miss my boy. *sniffle*

The Butterfly Child


We're only taking turns holding this world, it's how it's always been, when you're older you'll understand...

...And then again, maybe you won't.

I am worried for two of my friends, because they are hurting, and there is not anything I can do. A year and a half is a long time to be with someone, and I know that having to end that has been and will be hard on them both. On the more selfish side of things, I hope that my friendship with each of them is not impacted.

I am not feeling well today. All day long I have just been weird. My head is spinny and all sorts of weird things are hurting. And I still have to work at Panera until 10 tonight.

Work has been pretty good today. I am nearly finished with the advertisement I have been working on, which is a good feeling. I like to be productive.

Last night was my last youth group ever. I would probably have a lot to say about it if I wasn't feeling to crappy. It was a lot of fun. I am going to miss all my friends. I have to say, it is going to be nice to have that free time on Sunday nights. So, I am no longer a high schooler in any way. That is pretty cool.

Ouch. Headache. What the heck is wrong with me today?

Well, it is just about time to head out. I have to go and pick up my clothes and change and then head to Panera. *sigh*



You keep coming back disassembled...

Today is Friday.  Woo hoo!

I am kinda sleepy.  But tomorrow is Saturday, which means I can sleep in.  So that is good.

I am making a nifty advertisement.  It has lots of fun animated things.  Well, I think they are fun because I just learned how to do most of them.  They are cool to me.  Soon I will know how to animate lots of things and it'll be really cool.

Tonight: Wedding rehearsal!  Yay!  I am super excited for Matt and Sara's wedding.  I am playing guitar for part of it.

Tomorrow: Wedding!  Yay!

Sunday: Last youth group EVER.  W00t!

Right now: My skin disease on my nose is back again.  Sooooo ugly and gross.  Not fun.

So.  Let's see.  I don't really have much to talk about.  I am boring.

Well.  I guess this blog post will just be lame.



We will come out when it's safe for us...

I am going to learn how to crochet this week. FOR REAL. It is going to be rockin'. I bought some supplies and everything and a book to teach me and I looked up some cute patterns, and soon I will get yarn, and then I will be all set. Woo hoo!

I got some eyeshadow on Etsy today. It was very nearly free. I basically paid $2 for shipping. I needed eyeshadow, too, so that is a good thing. I need an eyeshadow brush, and then my makeup collection will be set for awhile.

Soon I am going to budget out all of the money I am making. Here is the rough draft:

20% - save/not to be spent
40% - save for guitar
10% - give to Jesus
10% - gas
20% - checking account/to be spent if needed

If I save 40% for my guitar, then I should have around $560 in a month towards that. That means that I could conceivably have the money for a very nice guitar by the fall. I like that idea a lot. I am thinking that 40% is pretty high though, so I might end up doing more like 30% and then adding that other 10% to the not-to-be-spent fund. 30% is still a lot, and it wouldn't really take me that much longer to get my guitar that way, and since I am not even totally sure what kind of guitar I want yet that is not really a big deal at all. So maybe I will do that. I don't really know how to budget so this is totally just me pondering. Hahaha. I hope I don't sound like a fool.

I miss Bass.

Today I downloaded a music editing program called Acid Express. I am excited to see if it is cool or not. I haven't ever used one of these fun looping program things, so it should be a fun time.

Mara the Butterfly


There's really no way to reach me, because I'm already gone...

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again
Straighten this whole thing out
Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy
But this is the distance
And this is my gameface

Another redec.  This is a lot less obnoxious.  It's sort of pretty, I think.  We'll see how I feel about it after I look at it for a while.  Sooner or later I will just make my own and then I don't have to keep disliking the ones offered to me.

So.  Right now I am at work.  Why am I not working, you ask?  Because there is not really anything to work on.  And I'm hungry.  The hungry thing doesn't really have anything to do with anything, except that it is annoying.  I think I will eat something.

Tonight I am going to a baseball game.  Go Bridge!

I have a headache.  A dull, nasty one.  Not cool.  I think maybe I just need a little nap.  I am sleep deprived.

I am getting tired of working at Panera.  It keeps sucking up my evenings and being unpredictable.  I don't like that.  I want to have time with my friends and my family and just to do stuff.  Like read books and watch movies and make stuff and go out with my awesome boyfriend and hang out with my friends and watch movies with my family and things like that.

I am making some nifty icons.  I am finally feeling somewhat inspired about these things.  Is graphic design this hit-or-miss for everybody?

Alright.  There isn't anything else to blog about today.  Adios!



I'm just trying to find my way back to the five, got a lot on my mind, gonna figure it out...

Yay! Blog redecorate! Not sure how I feel about this one yet, but I was getting a little bored with the green leaves. This might be a lot too girly for me.

So, I'm feeling pretty bored right now. Not really much to do at work today. I did get someone to work for me on Saturday at Panera, which is good. Right now I am at Info2Go though. I need something to do that is productive before I explode.

I want these. I think I will get them. www.shopknuckleheads.com is the website, I believe.


This is going to break me clean in two, this is going to bring me close to you...

Mara has two jobs now.  Hooray!

My new job is doing graphic design for Info2Go, a new company that is putting television screens above gas pumps with advertisements and news and weather and whatnot displayed on it.  Anyway, I will be designing the ads, assuming these first couple of weeks go well.  It sounds like it could be a really neat opportunity.  I'm excited.  I am hoping, though, that I am able to keep working at Panera, just because it's that much more money and because I think I will enjoy working there.  However, this Info2Go thing is just a way better opportunity, assuming I am able to do what they want, and so really that is what I have to think about.  If I can't do both I will not be too down about it or anything.  But you know.  It's nice to stay busy, and earn money. 

I realized today that it would not take me very long to save for a new guitar.  A pretty nice one, even.  Mom wasn't too keen on that.

Panera is going well so far.  I have around 17 hours this week, which is pretty good, in my opinion.

VBS is happening this week.  It's pretty fun.  I missed about half of it tonight because I had to work, but I will be there the rest of the week.  I get to work with the 1st and 2nd graders, which is fun because a lot of them are kids I have been around at VBS since they were in Pre-K/K.  Plus, Carter and Owen are both in my group, which is just rockin'.

I need to start getting some sleep one of these days.  For real.

I have been listening to The Fray again.  I got their first CD, so I am acquainting myself with it.  I am enjoying basically all of the songs so far.  I really like their music, which surprises me because they are so popular.  Maybe they are just that good, or maybe I am just a failure at music.

I cannot see nearly well enough with these glasses.  Not to mention they are just ugly.  I don't even know what I was thinking when I picked them.  Ick.

Work tomorrow.  Then possibly lunch with Wendy.  Then maybe running to some places quick to look for cute summer shirts and shorts.  Then home.  Then VBS.  Then home again.  Then sleep.

Wednesday:  Must wake up obscenely early.  Work in Indianola for Info2Go.  Then home.  Then VBS.  Then potentially some stargazing.  Then home.  Then sleep.  Lots of it.

Thursday: VBS

Friday: Guitar lesson with Ben at 10:30 (I am fairly certain we are still doing that at 10:30, at least), then home, then work at 5.

Saturday: Work at 8 (yuck), then nothing.  Someone should plan something fun.  Maybe I will see if some people want to go to a movie.  Or maybe I will just sleep.

You may or may not have wanted to hear a play-by-play for what the rest of my week would look like, but there you go.

The only thing I am not pumped about as far as working at Panera is having to wear a polo and khakis.  Ewww.  Not my thing.  Cute on other people, weird on me.

I wonder if I am allowed to have crazy colored hair when I work for Info2Go.  Hmmmm...

Alright.  Sleep now.

Mara Tenille
The Butterfly


It's so good to know I've got a friend like you...

Hello!  I just woke up a little bit ago.  I am sitting in my living room watching Rachel Rae with my family.  I don't know why we are watching this, but we are.  I am also playing games on my laptop.  And blogging!

Last night we got back from the Senior High retreat.  It was a good retreat.  I had a lot of fun, and I think everybody got along really well and had a good time.  White Water Rafting was awesome, and climbing was great, although I wish I had climbed more.  The beach was nice even though I didn't swim.  It was really good to just sit in the sun.

I have a really rockin' bruise on my leg from falling on a rock.  Just thought you should know.  It's amazing.

Tomorrow morning I have orientation at Panera.  I can't remember if I need my uniform or not, so I am just going to wear it in case, and I think I need my Social Security card and my license.  Can't forget that.

Now I am going to be done blogging, because I am sleepy, and I don't feel like writing anymore.



I'm poor, I'm starving, I'm flat broke, I've got no cash to spend...

I got a job today! Woo hoo! I am now Panera's newest employee. Next Tuesday at 10am I have orientation, and then the following Monday I have to go down to Planet Bread and learn how to make bread, I guess. I also need to buy some polos and khaki pants. I only own one pair of khaki pants and no polos, and the pants aren't up to dress code anyway, and they are just sort of ugly. So that needs to happen before I go to that bread place, because I have to be in uniform for that. Then I get a nametag and a hat and an apron. Hahaha. That is hilarious to me.

Today is Wednesday. Hmmm. I don't know what that means. I did not have guitar lesson with Erick today, because we had it last week, and we are on our every-other-week-because-it's-summer schedule. I also don't have small group, because that got wrapped up two weeks ago. And that is all that my Wednesdays used to be filled with, so I guess today is just another day full of random nonsensical semi-planned-but-mostly-not activities that have yet to take the form of some sort of routine.

www.bethinking.org - Just found this on somebody's Facebook. Looks pretty neat so far. Just thought I'd point it out.

Tomorrow we are leaving for the Summer Retreat. It should be fun.

Well, I am going to continue killing time by doing something else now. I can't think of anything else to write about.

Mara Tenille


Lately the weather has been so bipolar, and consequently so have I...

This blog is going to be sort of short.

This afternoon I am leaving to go to Okoboji and Elise's graduation party with Sierra and Emily.  Hopefully it will be lots of fun.  It is supposed to be cold and rainy all weekend, which is a bummer, but we will find ways to entertain ourselves even if it isn't warm enough to swim.

I still need to pack.

Next week we leave for the Summer Retreat!  I am excited.  Hopefully it is nice weather for that, too.  Rock climbing + white water rafting = the best.

I need to get a planner really badly.  I keep forgetting about things.  I have to have some semblance of a routine in order to remember anything, so once school got finished my organizational skills went down the drain or something.  Ugh.

This weekend will be nice.



Say when, and my own two hands will comfort you tonight...

Today is a weird day.  The last couple of days have been weird, actually.  I am just sleepy and boring all the time or something.  I don't know what my deal is.
This week I am getting my new laptop.  I also have to pay for the senior high retreat.  Those two things mean that by the end of the week basically all of my college money will be gone.  I need a job.
Tomorrow our summer small groups start.  I think it is going to be good.  We are studying 1 Thessalonians.  I haven't ever studied it, but today I am going to read it through so I can get an idea of what we'll be talking about and whatnot.
I want to make some Cake Mix cookies for my family, but I don't think we have any chocolate chips.  That is sort of a bummer.  Maybe I will go get some or something.
I need to do some crunches.  So I have rockin' abs for the summer.  You know, because you can see them under my old lady swim suit.  Not.
Ummmmm.  I don't think I have anything else to say.  If I think of anything substiantial I will just blog again later, I suppose.


I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale...

Sorry for the Taylor Swift.  It was stuck in my head.
I am sleepy from my drugs.
Had my last two wisdom teeth out today.  It was not as terrible as I expected, which was nice.  I have been hungry sort of all day though, and I'm not sure if that is just because I haven't really eaten very much at once or the drugs or what.  Anyway, no throwing up this time, which was good.  I have been popping my pain killers regularly (well, twice now) but it hasn't really hurt much so far.  I am just ready for my face to not be numb anymore.  It's not a very big spot that is numb still, but it is annoying, and I feel like I keep chewing on my lip accidentally.
Andrew came over today to keep me company.  We watched the first 2 X-Men movies.  I love those.  He also brought me a surprise.  While Rick and Rich and Brandon were in New Orleans, Andrew had them look to see if they could get another mask like the one I had for prom, and they did!  I was so excited.  I was sort of groggy, so I hope Andrew didn't think I wasn't really happy.  That was so sweet of him, and I am so excited to finally (sort of) have my mask back.
Tomorrow is Manda and Chad's garage sale.  If I am not still on drugs I want to go to it, but obviously if I'm still popping Darvocet I will not be driving anywhere.  So, hopefully that will work out.  I hope they sell lots of stuff.
I had some delicious food today.  I ate lots of applesauce and Jell-O and pudding.  I ate some normal food, too, but not a lot because my face was stil numb enough that chewing took lots of concentration.
I am getting closer to picking a laptop.  I am excited about that.
Oh yes!  My graduation party was lovely.  I think everyone had lots of fun.  I was pretty tuckered out from talking to all those people, but it was still good.  I am not much of a small talk person.  Talking about worthless things is a lot of work for me.  But all in all, everything went really well.  And the food was delicious.  And the decorations were cute.  And I had a good time.
Well, now I am going to play some Klondike with my iPod and then go to sleep.  Love you all!
Mara Tenille