I can't lose you 'cause you're my only one

Thank you, Hans. Yeah. I suppose you're right. I'm just tired of always wanting to bail out when things get hard or when they get uncomfortable, and of always wanting to stop trying when I don't see immediate results. I wish I had the drive to actually get something done. To start something and actually finish it for once. And not finish it because I have to, but because if I don't do it I will have quit yet again. I'm tired of wanting to quit. I'm tired of feeling lazy and stupid. I'm tired of giving up on what I want just because I have to work to get there. I'm tired of having dreams and not being willing to follow them. I'm just tired. Of everything. Of me. Because I don't have the guts to get off my butt and be who I want to be regardless of what it takes.

*sigh* Gosh, this is dumb.


Lift your gaze from the pavement

I am a horrible, cowardly quitter and that's all that there really is to say right now.



Carelessness is something I recognize when you're fast asleep and I'm in the right

Ooooh, a blog post!

So. Life is going on and such. I posted a random picture of me and Ben and Andrew, just for the sake of posting a picture. I like this picture.

The O's are still here. We're having fun. Hanging out and stuff. We went to see Flushed Away this afternoon. It was kind of stupid, quite honestly. I thought it was rather weird, but I have to say it had it's funny moments. Nothing terribly amusing, but it still made me giggle a little bit. All the same, I would probably have preferred to skip the movie and babysit like I was supposed to and make some dollars. That would have made me happier.

I need to repaint my fingernails, because the paint is coming off of them and they look silly and I keep biting them which is bad. If I paint them all of that will greatly improve, which is good. We like good things more than bad ones. Makes sense to me, at least.

There will be no band practice tomorrow. Andrew and Josh aren't going to be able to make it, and there's not a lot of point in just Ben and I getting together, so we're just not going to meet this week. Maybe Saturday or something. We need to practice a couple times before the 17th, or we'll be crappy and that would be sad and not very professional or polished and then we would look bad next to all the other bands. Not that I care that much about being professional or polished. The bummer is that Andrew might not be able to play, which would suck, because it always does when the whole band isn't together.

Sophie is attempting to play Funky Town on the keyboard.

I'm going to go see if we're going to watch Bananas or not, and if we aren't I'm going to watch Step Up, because I borrowed it from Sierra and I would like to see it.

I like God. He makes me really, really, really happy.



Where I hung my coat, that's where I left my head

Goodmorning! I am sleepy and I can't find the shoes I want and stuff but I'm awake which is a good start to the morning. Last night Zach and I put a movie in and I fell asleep. Which I told him I was going to. And I tried reallyreally hard not to. But you know, that's how it goes. Or something like that. Anyway, church is today so I'm getting ready sort of.

Yesterday I bought some hot pink guitar strings. They are amazing. Seriously. I'm going to put them on my electric guitar so it can be more awesome and cool. And I will take a picture so all can see.

There is monkey bread upstairs. I want some.

I think that's about all the exciting stuff.



Just talk and I'll listen

Zach is here. He's playing my guitar. Somewhere along the line he got better than me. *laugh*

I'm listening to Anberlin.

You should check out a cool new band *cough* http://www.myspace.com/blackheartfeared




I am made from the wires of my synthesizer

Joy Electric is amazing.

I sing How To Save A Life in the key of E. I transposed it yesterday. I think we're going to do an acoustic cover of it so I'll see if someone can record it.

I agree that people tend to want to listen to what other people are listening to. But every once in a while there comes along a song that everyone loves and that is just really good. It's funny how everyone's musical taste seems to kind of unite and everyone loves the same thing at the same time, and then once it gets old they continue loving whatever they loved before, and then a new phenomenon comes along and everyone is happy.

I think people like to identify with a song. They like to feel the emotion that gets written into a song in a profound way that they can relate to. They want a song to make them feel understood. One of the things that I love about music is that it reminds me that I'm not alone in what I feel. I think everyone wants to feel known.

I like lots of songs that have lame lyrics and a good sound or a lame sound and good lyrics. Like Stellar Kart. They make me happy and I like the simplicity and the lack of effort it takes to know what they're talking about, but really, their lyrics kind of suck sometimes. In their defense, I think Hawk Nelson is worse, but still.

I like songs with a good sound. I adore a good melody. Give me a song with a strong melody line and a latte and I'm good for hours.

Yeah. Anyway. I need to go to bed.



Let him know that you know best because after all you do know best

It's probably horribly tacky to use two lines from the same song as back-to-back blog titles, but it's my blog, and I can do what I want, so we're going to go with it because I'm listening to the song again and I can do that if I want to. SO THERE.

I need a parent to wake up so they can take me to school in fifteen minutes. Because if I don't get to school bad things will happen. Or something. I was kind of hoping it would snow bunches last night so I wouldn't have to go to school today, but it didn't. And we can't have a snow day tomorrow because it's Thursday tomorrow. But Friday it can. I would like a snow day on Friday.

Zach comes tomorrow!

Now I'm listening to other The Fray songs, just so that I don't die of a How To Save A Life overdose. That would be rather ironic, actually. Heh.

What defines a good song? What kinds of songs are the general public drawn to? What is it about a melody or a lyric that makes people want to hear it over and over again?

I'm going to go finish getting ready for school now.



I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life

I think I'm in love with this song. I'm trying to learn it for a cover we're doing at TFP's acoustic show in two weeks (!!!) and it's pretty much amazing.

Emily got stranded in Ankeny with a flat tire. *laugh*

Tomorrow is one of my favorite days of the week!

Band practice went well. We worked on some acoustic stuff and got Jessica figured out. Jessica is going to be almost four minutes long, which is good and bad. It's good because most of our songs are under 3 minutes, which is too short. It's bad because four minutes is kind of long, at least for like, radio play. But we're not playing on the radio so it doesn't really matter.

My lips are chapped.

I need to finish my algebra homework *dies*



A thousand wishes I've missed for hanging on to this

Well. I feel better today. So that's good!

School was kind of fun today. I don't know why. It just was.

I'm printing guitar tabs to play with. It will be fun.

I think the band is practicing tomorrow which makes me happy.

Zach comes in 3 1/2 days!



We will come out when it's safe for us

I hate not being able to fix things. I just hate it. I also hate not knowing if something needs to be fixed. I hate feeling helpless. I hate feeling like people are mad at me. I hate not knowing what they think of me. I hate not being able to change their minds. I hate making the right decision and seeing that it still doesn't mean everything will be okay. I hate not being in control.
Everything is wrong. When will it become right?
I should probably just go to bed now.



Spinning out in circles

There should now be a little comment verification type the weird shaped letters in the box thing so that I don't get comment spam, because I started getting some. So yeah!


Awwww, don't we look so nice? Haha. We had a lot of fun. It was really nice but at the same time it was very low-pressure, which was good. Like, Andy and I didn't hang out with each other for probably half of the dance part. Yes, there was a dance, which I didn't know was happening but it was a blast. I had a lot of fun. The food was good, too. And they decorated everything really nicely. It was cool. They did a murder mystery thing, but it was really boring and too slow-paced for my short attention span, so we weren't really in to that. The limo was fun. That was the first time I'd ever been in a limo, so it was cool. There was sparkling apple juice and sparkling catawawawabababa juice. Actually it was catawba, but we didn't know how to say it so it grew some extra syllables. I'm googling it right now. Apparently it's a kind of grape. It was a tasty grape that's hard to pronounce. And it kept us entertained. Anyway, we had a lot of fun, and hopefully I will have the professional pictures soon so I can scan them in.

So, how is everyone?



Someday you will find me in all your wishes and dreams

Life is good! I like life! Woo hoo! Or something. Yeah. So, tomorrow is homecoming, and I am excited. It will be lots of fun. Manda is bringing Madeline and Eli to help me get ready, which will be great. They'll be here around noon. I'm getting picked up (hopefully) between 2:15 and 2:30, so we can be at the coach's house by 3 for pictures. I will make sure everyone gets pictures as soon as I can get them.

There is a SADD meeting on Tuesday. Don't let me forget. Even though I really don't want to go. I'm a horrible SADD member, but then, SADD never does anything, so I don't really care. Students Against Destructive Decisions can be against destructive decisions all they want, but if they aren't going to care enough to do something about it, it's not really worth my time. Not that I spend that time doing much anyway... heh...

I think I might get my electric guitar out tonight and work on recording Jessica with it. I just have a crappy acoustic version of it, and that's kind of lame, so I think I'll do that. Yes. I'll try at least. Right now though I'm going to go get the lyrics Ben wrote and I'm going to work with them a little bit.



Since I met you I've been alright

I picked up my dress today. It's so pretty. I love it. I also got some shoes and some lipgloss and a scarf thing and some eyeshadow and stuff.

I have a Stellar Kart CD now. *happy* I like them even though they're a silly punk rock band. I kind of like silly punk rock bands. They make me happy.

I need to sleep really badly or I might die. Goodnight.


PS) I fixed the forgotten title.

Careful now, you'll hurt someone else

I have this feeling that there will be a lot more Copeland blog titles in the future.

Sorry for the slackingness. Life has been busy.

Saturday is homecoming! *excited*

My hair rocks.

I'm home!

My fingernails are beginning to be painted black. To match my dress for homecoming. Yesyes. Andy is going to accuse me of being gothic, but that's normal, so it should be all good and stuff.

I adore Copeland. And music in general.

Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world... yep. It's true.

She'd lie on her bed
And stare in to harsh white light
And think that her heart's not right

I like those lines. They make me smile a kind of melancholy smile.

Adri needs to go to Subway and order a BMT on Italian bread with provolone, toasted, with lettuce, onions, and tomato. This is what I always get. Best.Sandwhich.Ever.

Well. I think that's it, unless you'd like me to cheat and paste my CGR blog on to this one.



Take this heart of darkness, I give it up

You know those times when you want desperately to make someone proud or to please them, and you try to do that, and for whatever reason you just don't feel like you're getting the reaction you hoped for? You end up feeling like somehow you failed the person because you couldn't even make them notice you to begin with, and then you just feel stupid and pointless. Ugh. I hate that feeling.

Anyway. Here ends the mind purge.

Today I went to school and Subway and babysat and stuff.

Tomorrow is nothing, I think.

Impact was good. Nothing especially remarkable.

The show went pretty well. We sold something like 30 demo EPs and a few neckties and made over $40 just on that. I think. I don't know, it was a lot. Anyway, it wasn't bad. I needed some water though and no one got me any and I couldn't very well get off stage to get some. I should have just asked for some. In the middle of the set I asked my youth pastor to get my capo, but then Nate said it was on the back of my guitar, and it was, and so then Gabe didn't have to get it. But it was funny. Maybe I need to be more dignified on stage or something. I basically don't see why I should act so differently in front of 50 people than I do in front of two or three. If I need my capo, why can't I just ask for it? Psh. Dignified is overrated.



I think I'm safer on an airplane

Hi people. Today was good. Tomorrow will be weird. But good, at least for the evening part of things. I have to finish packing. And go to school tomorrow. And set up the sound system in the afternoon. And yeah. Probably more stuff.

Well. That was short and to the point, I guess.



Let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings