Take this heart of darkness, I give it up

You know those times when you want desperately to make someone proud or to please them, and you try to do that, and for whatever reason you just don't feel like you're getting the reaction you hoped for? You end up feeling like somehow you failed the person because you couldn't even make them notice you to begin with, and then you just feel stupid and pointless. Ugh. I hate that feeling.

Anyway. Here ends the mind purge.

Today I went to school and Subway and babysat and stuff.

Tomorrow is nothing, I think.

Impact was good. Nothing especially remarkable.

The show went pretty well. We sold something like 30 demo EPs and a few neckties and made over $40 just on that. I think. I don't know, it was a lot. Anyway, it wasn't bad. I needed some water though and no one got me any and I couldn't very well get off stage to get some. I should have just asked for some. In the middle of the set I asked my youth pastor to get my capo, but then Nate said it was on the back of my guitar, and it was, and so then Gabe didn't have to get it. But it was funny. Maybe I need to be more dignified on stage or something. I basically don't see why I should act so differently in front of 50 people than I do in front of two or three. If I need my capo, why can't I just ask for it? Psh. Dignified is overrated.



  1. I was listening to that song when I read this post. Odd.

    I can think of a case that's at least somewhere in that neighborhood, and I think I might send you an e-mail about it. I think, if I send you the parallel you might rethink how often it's what you describe, instead of just the way people forget things occasionally, or just don't notice something.

    I think fans connect with a frontwoman more if she's openly human, and doesn't care about dignity. Dignity is totally overrated in most instances. For instance, my youth group is doing a play, and I was cast as a drunken villain, I think probably only because I'm one of the few to zero people in the youth group willing to sacrifice my dignity. Tsk.

  2. I hate to mention it, but this post is from almost a week ago...

  3. Yeah, Mara, you are slacking.

    Oh hoo hoo.

    You know...I have never been to any Subway in my life.

    Dignified is overated, and even on stage if you stay who you are to a degree, it is good.

    Your not going to be able to be dignified always anyway. You'll fall falt on your face eventually either way. :)