I'm sorry that I can't take this pain away from you, I'd put it on my own body if I knew how to...

Don't you just wish that people understood you all the time?  That when you stumble over your words and when your facial expressions don't exactly match what you're trying to say that people would just get it, instead of getting all caught up in the how you said this or that and how you didn't actually look like you meant it and blah, blah, blah.

I would really like the CD "A Burn and a Shiver" by Edison Glass.

No one must like my blog anymore.  Google Analytics says I haven't had a visitor since December 7th.  That's kind of sad.  Maybe my blog is just boring now.  I'm not always very interesting, so I can understand that.

You know what else I wish?  I wish that when you wanted someone to know something they would just know it, instead of having to try and explain it to them.  That kind of goes along with what I said earlier.  I wish I didn't have to use words, and instead I could just feel and people would just get it.  I'm not good at talking.  I don't know how to say things, and I don't know how not to sound like a jerk, and I don't know how to make people relate to me.  I don't always know how to relate to people, either, which just adds to the issue.

I am singing a Bebo Norman song for Christmas Eve.  I like that.

Guess what I got for Christmas already?  My dragonfly ring.  It's beautiful.  I love my boyfriend.

Speaking of Christmas, that is coming up.  I have all my shopping done, which is awesome.  Mom's present probably won't come on time, but that is okay.  I got her an awesome thing.

Tonight Andrew has a band concert, and I'm going to it.  That should be a fun thing.  I might call Kim and see if I can stop over to give the boys their Christmas presents.  Carter, Owen, and Lewis got me the coolest Superman poster EVER for Christmas this year.  I got them some pretty sweet stuff too.  Klutz books FTW.

Right now I'm cutting out a picture of some cheerleaders.  They are wearing huge blue bows in their hair.  It's pretty tedious work, I tell ya'.  Cutting out black uniforms on a black background is not easy stuff.

Anyway, I am totally out of even remotely interesting things to say, so this is the end of today's blog post.



Please take a long, hard look through your textbook, because I'm history...

Oh my goodness, I am so sleepy today.  I really don't understand.  I am assuming it's my sleeping pill I took last night that has made me so dysfunctional and groggy today.  I am pretty sure that this was the result I go the last time I took a sleeping pill.  Normally, I can't get to sleep at night or I can't stay asleep, and then I wake up sleepy but eventually I am able to function somewhat normally, especially once I have some caffeine.  Last night I took my pill around 10:00 and it never really made me any sleepier than normal.  Like usual, I started getting an inkling of tiredness around 11 or 11:30 so I tried to go to sleep.  It seemed to take forever to fall asleep, but it was probably like 20 minutes or so, and then I woke up a couple times through the night.  When my alarm went off this morning I was groggier than normal.  I got out of bed late and never really did fully wake up.  I figured my shower would help me feel more awake, but it didn't.  I was excited to work on some Flash stuff, but I still couldn't keep my focus on it.  I can't form sentences that make sense.  I can't think of words.  I am on my third can of Diet Mountain Dew hoping the caffeine will wake me up if I just sip it slowly throughout the rest of the afternoon.  Of course, I did that with the first two cans and again, it didn't help.  My eyes are heavy and can't focus well and my muscles feel sleepy and my back hurts like heck whenever I move a certain way and I am having trouble structuring basic sentences and I'm incapable of comprehending anything anyone says to me that is more complicated than "Want a slice of pizza?"

It really isn't as miserable as I made it sound just now.  I am just not very productive today.  I can't even focus on typing this blog out.  Maybe Owl City will wake me up.

Later tonight I am going out to Cheesecake Factory with Emily.  We have a gift card for $10 or so that we got when we went like, a year and a half ago or something, from one of those internet surveys where you talk about what you thought about the restaurant and then they give you free gift cards.  Well, we never did use it, and we needed a plan for exchanging our presents to each other, so we're just doing it all tonight.  We're also going to look for presents for our first grade Sunday School kids.  We have gotten presents from a few of them, but we haven't yet made anything for them.  I think we're going to get them each a cute ornament and write them little notes and give them some candy, all in cute bags.  So we're going to work on that too.  It should be a fun night.

On Saturday Andrew and I are getting all dressed up and going out to Cosi Cucina for Christmas.  We're going to exchange our presents and have a nice dinner and then I don't know what we're going to do after that.  We will probably just come back to my house and watch a movie or something.

I have Google Analytics for my blog, and let me tell you, it is way fun.  I might have mentioned that before, but I still think it is the coolest thing ever.

Matt put the Adobe Master Collection CS4 on my laptop yesterday.  I am in design nerd heaven.

Today or yesterday, I don't remember, I was reading Kepa's blog.  He calls it The Fat Lazy Guy's Log, but he's not really fat or lazy.  Maybe he used to be, but he isn't anymore.  Anyway, he was talking about how he isn't a blogger because he doesn't write about a specific thing and he doesn't care about how many people read his blog and stuff like that.  I was sort of thinking about that because I am very much the same way.  My blog is just sort of a journal.  I write stuff in it.  Not specific types of stuff, just whatever is on my mind.  And eventually maybe I won't like it anymore, but right now I kind of enjoy having my life out there in public.  That is sort of backwards from how I normally am, because typically I don't really enjoy attention and being at the center of it makes me really uncomfortable most of the time, but with my blog I am kind of different.  No one thinks you're stupid on the internet.  The things you say are funny/inspiring/thought-provoking/whatever else to someone out there, instead of stupid or embarrassing or easy to disregard.  You become some other sort of human being, or maybe something else entirely, when you're using the written word in a public format.  That is how it seems to me at least.  In my groggy state of being.  So maybe tomorrow I won't think that at all.  But whatever.  You take me seriously because you're not with me in real life, so it's okay.

Anyway, I'm not really one of those famous bloggers who people read for entertainment or whatever.  I'm just Mara writing about Mara to whoever wants to know.  Probably not a lot of people do, but that is okay with me.

Actually, my blog has lots of visits from people all over the world.  Google Analytics taught me this.  You know why so many new people visit my blog?  Because they google lines from songs and then my blog titles come up.  They usually only stick around long enough to realize that this is some kid's blog and not a music lyric search site.  The average time spent on my blog overall is less than 30 seconds.  On new post days it is more like a minute and a half.  Fascinating, eh?

Anyway, that's all I really have to say at the moment.

A Slightly Incoherent Butterfly


The collapse of the world on the quietest day, this time it's the sun standing still...

The title of this blog is from "...Still" by Deas Vail.  However, I am listening to Owl City right now with my rockin' new earbuds that FINALLY CAME.  They are awesome.  They sound pretty good and they're super cute.  I am still going back and forth between sizes of the little rubber things.  So far I am happiest with the middle size.

Tonight I thought I had to babysit, but after some confusion about what night the church Christmas party was on, I learned that I didn't have to.  So we went to Andy's basketball game.  It was good.

I still haven't talked about my award.  Grrrr.  Okay, I should get to that soon.  I will try to do that tonight or tomorrow.

Tomorrow I am waking up and going to Christmas program practice to help fit the kids in their costumes.  Then I might go get some food with Em, and then I'm going back to church for worship team practice, and then I'm going out with Andrew.  It will be a busy day I guess.

I am so cold today.

I couldn't go to work all week except for Monday because of the lame snow storm.  That is kind of frustrating to me.  I feel poor now.  But I'm actually not poor, so it's okay.

I feel especially boring today.



I have heard that winter's cold will give way to summer's warmth...

Sometimes I make myself do things that I don't want to do just because I don't want to do them.  How does that make sense?  I don't want to do something, so I make myself do it?  If I don't want to go somewhere, why not just not go?  If I want to use my spare time to play Sims instead of crocheting, why not just play Sims?  Seriously.  I'm wacky.

I drink far too much Diet Mountain Dew.  I need to ween myself down to one can a day.  That will happen starting tomorrow, since I'm on can number 2 for today already.  I don't ever drink more than one bottle, or two cans, but I don't need that much, so that's going to stop.

I am sniffling and sneezing all over the place.  Matt and I both are getting colds.  So far Steve and Mark are both healthy, but we'll see how long it is before we infect them, too.

You know what sucks?  When you can't go out with your boyfriend because you have a cold, and if he catches your cold and then his sister catches it from him she could end up in the hospital.  Getting colds doesn't normally suck all that bad, but when you could hospitalize someone because of your cold that is just really, really crappy.  That said, my date with Andrew tomorrow night is still on unless I am worse in the morning.

Tonight I am going to the women's Christmas dinner at church.  I want to wear my purple tights, but I don't know what else to wear with them.  Suggestions?  Maybe I should be like Bethany at do.think.wear.see.love.dream and post a picture of the outfit!  Bethany is a friend of my aunt's, and her blog is one of my favorites.

Speaking of my aunt and blogs and stuff, I got a blog award from Manda!  But that is another post for another time.  I will try to talk about that later on tonight.  Right now I am doing a lunch break blog.

Check out those babies.  I bought myself a set of
Full Metal Jacket Skullcandy Earbuds for cheap off Amazon to replace the ones that Inali ate.  Hopefully they are awesome whenever they finally get here.

Time to make more ads.

Mara Tenille