10.12.2006

Didn't I see you when you thought you'd never stand out?

New Copeland. Is lovely.

*happysigh*

Every once in a while you come across a person who just doesn't want to be seen. They're kind of hiding, whether they're afraid to be known or afraid to be rejected or afraid to love someone back. But they refuse to be more than a picture. They're stuck being only a face and a name and nothing more. Why are people like that? I think it's insecurity, kind of. The fear of what people will think or how they will make you feel.

But isn't it lovely when people break through the walls and see you? When you finally become more than just another kid in the room and someone sees you for who you are and loves you anyway. Oh, it's beautiful. It's beautiful to be known.

There are far too many times when a person breaks through the walls, and then finds that they're in over their head. That they tell you they love you, and then realize that they're not sure if they do after all. Or that they don't have the time or the energy or the compassion. Or it just makes them uncomfortable. Why do we do that? Why are our lives so selfishly led that we can't bring ourselves to sacrifice for our friends? Is it really that hard? Why can't we put just a little more effort into loving each other? Why is it always about our own time and energy and comfort? Sometimes love required more than that. Sometimes love means you give yourself up. No, love always requires some level of selflessness. We can't love without letting ourselves go. It's not about us when it comes to other people.

I want to love, just as I wish to be loved. I want to know people and to empathize with them and to be trustworthy and honest and compassionate and caring. I want the strength to be a friend when I'm needed, and I want the courage to be a friend when it's hard. I want to break down the walls of those that make it difficult to know them. I want to understand and love the ones that don't want to be seen. I know what it's like to be unknown, and I don't want that for other people.

God, teach me to love.

Mara

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