I've been calling for years and years and years and years and you never left me no messages, you never sent me no letters...

Am I angry at God?  Not usually.  Sometimes?  Yes.  Sometimes I am livid.  It should have been me.  It makes no sense to me that an 8-year-old little girl with a family who has followed God so closely would be allowed to go through the most terrifying ordeal I have ever been able to fathom.  Sometimes I feel like God is a fool for letting that happen.  I know that it is not true, but that is how it feels.  I get so angry.  And I know I am the fool, and I know that I don't understand what God is doing, but I want so desperately for it to all be over.  I know that there is something bigger going on.  But my heart is broken, and it is not going to mend for a long, long time.

New Orleans was quite nice.  We worked hard and we had a lot of fun.  I got to talk to Mikayla on the phone and on Skype, which was hard, and good, and provoked a meltdown that I had sworn I would avoid.  But it was good.  I got my mask for prom, too.  It's really pretty.  We got back to the church at 1:30 this morning and we were home by 2.  So I am quite sleepy.  There are lots of pictures, and they will all most likely be on Facebook within the week, so I will be sure to post a link to the albums.

Today I am starting my second hat knitting project.  I am praying that I don't screw it up and ruin it.  You can pray that too, if you want.

Does anyone have a webcam sitting around that they feel like selling to me?  I am going to go look for a cheap one so I can use it to Skype Mikayla, but if someone has one they don't want, let me know.

I need a nap.


  1. Hey Mara,
    I know its hard to watch someone go through something so hard, but just keep praying and supporting them. It really makes a difference.Don't give up hope don't give up on God. He tells us that he will never give us something we can't handle. He has a plan for each and every one of us. I know He is going to do something great with Mikayla's life and even though we can't see what He is planning. I know it's going to be great because God is good. I know its hard, but hang in there.

  2. Mara!!! I have a webcam. Its pretty old but you can just have it. Ill get it out so Manda can get it to you.

    Take care girly ... Jesus Bless you!

  3. Mara ... ACK! I just plugged this thing in and tested it ... it doesnt focus and is all blurry. Im sorry ... Ill look around though ... I might have something else you can use.

  4. Marabelle!!

    You looked so beautiful last night when you tried everything on. *smileclapcheer*

    Did I tell you about the E-Free Bible colleges I found? My brain is on overload.

    hair dye
    hair gel
    black purse (We should check about borrowing this. For sure.)

    OK, I'm ready to film your video check for ASL.

  5. Confession: I watched your video check because it was right there on the screen. IT WAS ADORABLE. *laugh*

    "Wait. I didn't grimace..."

    The sign for "index" is funny to me for some reason.

    "Or you could shave something else..."


  6. Mara, kick down your address. I'll send you a webcam.