I found God on the corner of first and Amistad, where the west was all but won, all alone smoking his last cigarette...

Today has been a long day.  Not really in a bad way or a good way.  It just has been.
I am better lately, in case you were wondering.  If you weren't wondering, then you know anyway.  I guess I just assume that since you are interested enough to actually read this blog, that you are interested in whether or not I am doing okay.  But that may or may not be true.  I don't really have any way of knowing.  I don't even know who reads this anymore.
I am going to write more songs.  I am too full of stuff not to.
I went to lunch with Summer today.  It was really nice.  We had a really good talk.
Today I was supposed to meet some other people from my ASL class in Ames to study.  I went there.  I was very late.  They were gone.  I am unsure of how to feel about that.  I guess it is my fault because I was so late.
I wish I could turn invisible.
Tomorrow is Thursday.  That is good.  It means that I have a whole weekend to do my DMACC homework.  Today I have to do an annotation thing for Comp and some reading and journaling for ASL.
These contacts are crap.  I can't even see anything half the time.  But my glasses aren't up to date, and so the perscription isn't good enough, and they're all scratched.  I end up squinting either way.  It is making me more irritated than I already am.  Am I irritated?  I think so.  At whom?  No one, I don't think.  Just at life.  At myself.  At whatever happens to be in the line of fire.
I am glad that music understands how people feel.


  1. I know I am not the most huggy of people but please give yourself a big Aunt Manda hug!! It felt weird typing Aunt Manda because I feel like we kindof grew up together and I am not as much of an "Auntie" as your mom is to your cousins. Oh well, you have to start somewhere, right?? Love you, Marabelle!

  2. From The Quiet, that movie I told you about with the girl who pretends to be deaf.

    [first lines]
    Dot: All I wanted was to be invisible.

    Dot: All I wanted was to be invisible. It was a simple request. It didn't involve anyone else. When I was in a room with another person, I felt like I was only half there. When I was in a room with two other people, I felt like a third of myself. When I was in a room with three other people, I felt like a quarter of myself. And when I was in a whole crowd of people, I felt like nobody.

    [last lines]
    Dot: But being invisible isn't worth it in the end, because when you're invisible, other people may not see you, but you can't help seeing other people.

  3. Thank you for fixing some of the broken links on the music player. :)

  4. So sorry the date with your friends didn't work out. Perspective, my dear, perspective. Invisible seems inviting at times, this is definitely true. Probably not worth it in the long-run though. *sigh*

  5. I want to be invisible, too, sometimes. And then usually I figure out it's more that I already feel invisible and so I wish it were true because it would hurt a bit less to know that people aren't able to see me than the idea they might be choosing not to. But that's just me.

    Then there is always the fun kind of invisible. The one where you could play tricks on people. But that might be terrifying for them, so maybe that's not so good either.

    I wanted to be invisible today. I forgot about an appointment and when she showed up at our house, I was still unshowered and the living room was not at all tidy. There were PS2 games, various books, a napkin and some unfolded socks strewn about the floor. One pair of someone's dirty socks, too. And your dad's neatly folded underwear was on the arm of the couch. Right where she sat. *stare*

    It was fine, though. No big deal. *laugh*