The last few days have brought on an odd swell of various emotions that I didn't realize one person could experience all at the same time. Since this is, after all, my blog, I'm going to write about them all. Or at least some of them.
God is amazing. I mean, it's easy to know that in my head, but to see it is just... I can't even begin to describe it. It's insane to see that all the seemingly big things ("God, the junior high girls are idiots. Help me not to ring their necks") and small things ("God, I can't find my shoes, and I have less than thirty seconds to get out the door") I ask are getting answered left and right. My faith has seemed to grow insane amounts the last few weeks. It's so hard sometimes to trust that things will be alright, but it's astounding what happens when I do. I've learned that God is really good at finding stuff and fixing stuff and putting me in my place and still not letting it get to my head. Haha. He's just... I don't even know. It's just incredible. I can't even come close to understanding. God is amazing, to say the least.
However, despite all the things I ask for and then get, there are probably just as many things I beg for that God doesn't say anything to. I hate waiting. And he makes me do it all the time. It's a good thing he loves me because it's really hard to handle not knowing the answer to everything. It's hard when God says "No, I'm not going to do it for you." Work is hard. I would say something deep and profound, but that's really all I've got. Work is just really hard. Sure, it's probably good for me, but it hurts sometimes and it's difficult and it wears me out.
Junior high girls drive me up a freaking wall. Oh my word. I want to yell at them. But I won't. They haven't made me mad enough yet *laugh* I think I can deal with them. Not for much longer, but I can hold out another night. Besides, I'm not forced to be in there. It's of my own volition. I'm trying reallyreallyreally hard to love them. It's hard. WORK IS HARD *angst*
It irritates me when I rely on people to do things and they don't do them. I don't want to hound them, but I don't want whatever it needs done to not be done. Maybe I'm just bad at working with people. I mean, I know I am, but maybe I'm worse than I thought. I like people. I like being with people. I'm very social. But I don't work well with them. So when I need things from people it freaks me out.
In addition to freaking out when people don't do what I need them to do, I freak out when I don't do what other people need me to do. I have been forgetful to an abnormal degree lately, and I hate it. I never forget stuff like calling people back or when I have to be where, and I've been horrible lately. It's stupid and I want to go back to normal.
My band has a show on Saturday, and I'm excited. Hopefully I can just relax and have some fun with this one. I think it'll be good.
I need to go sleep so that I'm (hopefully) less stupid tomorrow.
Mara
I'm glad you're having one o' those moments, as it were, of recognizing with more intensity how truly astounding God is.
ReplyDeleteI think it can be cooler to look back on prayers God didn't answer and think, "Oh, wow. I'm dang glad he didn't."
Annoying people are there to be dealt with, and I'm sure you have sufficient grace to deal with them. [/senior]
Indeed. It can be weird and hard to know how to deal with that. Because as you said, one doesn't want to get annoying bothering them about it, but at the same time, you want it done.
I freak out far worse when I don't do what I'm being relied upon to do. It's forgivable when others fail, far less so when I do.
Ah, do have a lot of fun.