You're all I want, you're all I need, you're everything

The blog will live on for a long time, I think. Don't worry.

I spent the last fourish hours with most of my favorite people.

Sing me something soft
Sad and elegant
Or loud and out of key
Sing me anything

Mara Tenille (the butterfly)

I can't keep up and I can't back down, I've been losing so much time

Today was a day of many hugs, as was last night. And there will be many more, I am sure. Yes. So, for the purpose of this blog, I am going to talk about normal insignificant things that everyone blogs about all the time.

I might be buying an electric guitar from Pastor Gabe. He's bringing it tonight for me to play with. It's black. It's generally referred to as "the dumpster guitar" because it was found in a dumpster and then fixed up and such. So yeah.

I had a Dr Pepper today. It was the berries and cream kind. Yep. It was good.

Ummmmm. I'm listening to Lifehouse. Hence the title of this blog.

You know what? This is crap.

Mara

Show me everything, show me everything, show me everything I never knew about me

This is one of those times when life gets pulled out from under you and you get caught just as you think you're going to fall forever and ever. The floor drops, and you scream, and you cry, and then you feel the arms of someone so much stronger than you, so much braver. But you still cry, because what you stood on is gone, and you don't know what happened. Everything you knew is changing, and even though you're held, you don't know anything other than the hands that have you. When you're being carried you have no control over where you go or what happens next. You just trust. Because it's all you can do.

Your thunder can only scare away the hopeless

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqQtzIExsoY

I've got this feeling things will be alright

So, I found out that if all goes well I should see that certain person tomorrow, as well. So it's really not as bad as I thought it was. All is well. *happy*

Tonight I have Lighthouse and then small group. I made monkey bread for small group, and it is going to be uberly yummy.

www.purevolume.com/thealmost - The drummer from Underoath has a solo project going that pretty much rocks, from what I've heard. Good stuff.

Jee too jee.

Mara

They spin at such a tranquil pace

There are lots of broken computers in this computer lab. It's odd.

So, there is this person who I used to see every day at various things, and I am having to adjust to the fact that I have not seen said person since Sunday and I won't see said person again until tomorrow. And after that I won't see said person until Sunday again. No wait, I will see the person on Saturday. No one really cared to hear any of that, I'm sure. But this is my blog, so I suppose I can write whatever I want in it, even if it lacks any value to anyone else.

Today I get to babysit Carter and Owen again, which makes me happy. I miss them. I was going to bring a video that they like but I didn't want to miss the bus and so I didn't have time to grab it.

Stallions Versus Unicorns = love

It's cold in here. It's cold everywhere.

Hmm. I wish I had money for Skittles. Oh well.

The Butterfly

No, you'll never be alone, when darkness comes I'll light the night with stars

Skillet is amazing. I played the new stuff on their PureVolume for Andrew today, and I think he liked it a lot. Not as much as I do though. But that's okay.

I'm listening to RockStar:Supernova. It's not as incredible as I would like it to be. But oh well. My guy still won.


Youth group. Post it notes. Awesomeness. Graffiti jeans. Et cetera.

Mara

Staring out the window with the memory running down your face

Sometimes people are so insanely wonderful that you can barely stand the thought that they consider you a friend. Like... you almost feel unworthy. Maybe I'm the only one like that, I don't know, but every once in a while I am just struck by how amazing the people around me are, and how amazing the God is that put them there. Ugh, I can hardly stand it. I don't even know. I am just... so insanely fortunate. Life would not be the same without this. I am convinced that I know the most lovely people on the face of the planet. God is so wonderful. I would be so completely worthless without him and all he's given me.

God, I love your children. Why do you put so many amazing people here for me? I deserve none of this. And yet it's always right there, at my fingertips. Everything I need is provided for me. Oh God, I love you so much. You are so amazing. So incredibly simple, and yet complex beyond my understanding. You never change, you never shake, you never need a shoulder to cry on, and yet you're right there for me. Oh God, I adore you. I love this life. Let me live it for You.

Mara Tenille

I know that I can't fly, but when I'm in your arms I'm holding up the sky

Today has been a wonderful day. One of those days where the only reason you want it to end is so that you can see if tomorrow is as good.

I went to the football game. North Polk won. Something like 47-8. It was rather boring, actually. But I had a little bit of hot chocolate and sat with a blanket and some gloves and was all warm and stuff. It was nice.

Tomorrow I am helping to clean the church. Hopefully it will be fun.

I am really sleepy. *yawn*

I don't reply to comments because I don't want this blog to be all about replying to stuff. I would like to keep it more blogging and less conversation. Every so often I will try to reply or mention my comments. I do read them all, so don't stop posting them!

Anyway. The end.
Mara

Don't you know, don't you know we love you?

So, today I woke up. Early. Because my brothers insisted on playing video games at early hours of the morning. Like. 6 AM. Which is like, half an hour before I normally wake up. But I went to bed at like, 8 or somethig after taking a really long nap so I'm very awake and happy. Not being tired is a really nice feeling. I haven't been this awake in a really, really, really long time.

So, I went to school after I woke up. Actually I showered in between there but you don't care about that. So I rode the bus, Rounds tried to unzip my backpack and I told him not to, I got off the bus, I went to Mrs. Maclaughlin's room and made the kid I tutor do his homework. Then I went to Graphic Design, where I worked on more stuff, and then I went somewhere that I don't remember during advisors because I don't have anywhere to be during that time, and then I went to Algebra, and then I went to lunch. I had chili and oranges and chocolate milk and I think that's all. Talked to EmilyAmy'sFriend and Leopold and Nic and Kacy. Then I went to the library and did some homework.

I talked to Andrew in the hallway on his way out of class. Apparently he fell asleep during chemisrty yesterday while chewing on the pick I gave him. Actually he said he wasn't quite asleep. Only kind of. I thought it was funny, because I can't see him falling asleep in class. I also enjoyed the appearance of my guitar pick in the story. Because I like me.

After I talked to Andrew I went and walked around and did more stuff and walked some more and then went to Mrs. Maclaughlin's room again to work on my window. My window is a glass box thing that hangs on the wall in the front of the school and has pictures of all the service hour students. There are technically 4 windows, and my job is to keep the pictures current and to arrange them and to make sure that the service hour student people are given the t-shirts that they earn for their various levels of service. I didn't get much done today, but I'm going to finish it on Monday, I think.

Then I came home and made some monkey bread and talked to Emily. We might go to a football game tonight.

Tomorrow is (I believe) the cleaning day at the church. I will be going to that. And cleaning. A lot. For a long time. But there will be food!

Mom is home now so I'm going to go give her a hug.

Love,
Mara

I don't know if it'll ever mean a thing

So. There's the band. We like to think we're pretty cool and stuff but you don't have to agree, even though most people do, even though we're just a bunch of high schoolers, most of which are homeschooled. The show went well. We got second place, which earned us $50. Second place is excellent, especailly with 4 practices and being up against a band that's been together for a really long time. We did quite well, and had an amazing group of people there to support us and just to hang out. It was really awesome. So, in this particular picture, you can see myself (vocals and rhythm guitar), Andrew (bass), Ben (drums), and Josh (lead guitar and vocals). Josh hasn't actually done any vocals yet, but he probably will eventually. Anyway, yeah, so we are The Final Pardon. We are going to try recording on Saturday at Blinks up in Ames so we can put some stuff up on our MySpace and PureVolume. Then, we will get our unofficial cameraman, Jeremy, and our unofficial cameraman's super graphic design girlfriend, Aleah, to take and edit super awesome photos of us in all of our bandness. So then we will be like all the real bands. Haha.

Anyway. I need to go.

Mara

Indescribable, uncontainable...

BIG NEWS THAT PROBABLY NO ONE ELSE WILL CARE ABOUT!!!!!

My best friend, who is a HUGE Chris Tomlin fan, is going to get to meet him on her birthday. He's playing a show in Ames on October 28th, and she emailed them asking if she could get to meet him, because that day is her birthday. I've heard of a lot of "biggest fans", but Em probably tops them all. I am SO excited for her. She has the last meet and greet pass that they had, and she is extremely excited. OhgoodnessIamsoexcited. Hahaha. She is going to have so much fun. Yay. Yayyayyay. *clap*

Mara

Didn't I see you when you thought you'd never stand out?

New Copeland. Is lovely.

*happysigh*

Every once in a while you come across a person who just doesn't want to be seen. They're kind of hiding, whether they're afraid to be known or afraid to be rejected or afraid to love someone back. But they refuse to be more than a picture. They're stuck being only a face and a name and nothing more. Why are people like that? I think it's insecurity, kind of. The fear of what people will think or how they will make you feel.

But isn't it lovely when people break through the walls and see you? When you finally become more than just another kid in the room and someone sees you for who you are and loves you anyway. Oh, it's beautiful. It's beautiful to be known.

There are far too many times when a person breaks through the walls, and then finds that they're in over their head. That they tell you they love you, and then realize that they're not sure if they do after all. Or that they don't have the time or the energy or the compassion. Or it just makes them uncomfortable. Why do we do that? Why are our lives so selfishly led that we can't bring ourselves to sacrifice for our friends? Is it really that hard? Why can't we put just a little more effort into loving each other? Why is it always about our own time and energy and comfort? Sometimes love required more than that. Sometimes love means you give yourself up. No, love always requires some level of selflessness. We can't love without letting ourselves go. It's not about us when it comes to other people.

I want to love, just as I wish to be loved. I want to know people and to empathize with them and to be trustworthy and honest and compassionate and caring. I want the strength to be a friend when I'm needed, and I want the courage to be a friend when it's hard. I want to break down the walls of those that make it difficult to know them. I want to understand and love the ones that don't want to be seen. I know what it's like to be unknown, and I don't want that for other people.

God, teach me to love.

Mara

You will find that I'm everywhere you go and I'm all the things that you want to be

The Final Pardon (my band) is playing a show on Saturday night. If any of you live somewhat nearby, come. If you don't, then I'm sorry because we're really cool. Or something like that. Anyway, we will have fun and stuff. This afternoon we are practicing, and then Saturday we will practice some more, and then we will chill for a bit and then we will play the show. It will be lahvley.

Speaking of the band, if you think of it prayer would be lovely in the area of our hearts being in the right place and not freaking out if it's not perfect and getting well-practiced in the little time we have. We are relying on God to pull it all together, but it is always helpful to have others put a word in.

Also, pray for me at school to reach out to the kids. There are some pretty lost people here. I'm having kind if a hard time. Having to listen to them so often wears on you a bit, you know? Anyway, that would be wonderful.

I need to work on memorizing stuff for various reasons. Script, bible verses, class schedule, etc. Haha.

Jesus is pretty much the coolest guy ever. Like. Seriously. He's like... the glue holding me together right now. It's rather nice to have the king of the universe on your side.

Copeland's new album is going to be good. I am very excited about it. I'm not sure if what I've heard is quite as good as their last two albums, but it is still awesome because they are Copeland and so they win. Or maybe no one really wins this time.

Copeland > sliced bread
Copeland < Jesus
Copeland > lawn chairs
Copeland > puppies
Copeland < oxygen
Jesus > oxygen

There are my nice Copeland comparisons. They are a result of boredom on my part. Graphic Design is not the fastest-paced class ever.

Mara

Sing like you think no one's listening

Hello few readers of the most awesome blogger ever!

I don't feel well. Beyond that I am alright. I had an odd day. I can't exactly say it was unpleasant, but it seemed to lack many good points and had many mediocre ones that I could have done without. For example, I was late to the hallway. That will sound really weird to anyone who is not me. Also, I had to drive with the instructor today, which wasn't that bad, just weird. Leahla (my driving partner) forgot her permit so I didn't get to watch her drive. Not that it would have been terribly entertaining or anything. There were just lots of little things like that. Although I did help some people in school today. A foreign exchange student and a new girl. But still. It was not really a fantastic day.

And now I need to go sleep off my tiredness.

Goodnight.

Mara

I'm sorry but I'm no sort of fabric

Yo.

Driver's ed tonight. Driving with Mr. Sears tomorrow. Headache. Tired. Meh.

Mara

You're dying to know what love is

So, today I was thinking a bit about happiness and what it really is. People talk about how happy Christians are, and how people should see our joy (I would consider joy a bit different than happiness depending on context, but for now just assume I mean joy) because we love Christ. But is joy something we choose? Do we make ourselves happy based on our outlook on life, or is it a natural result of our salvation? Are non-Christians happy the same way we are? Can they make themselves happy? I would think not. They have no hope for the hard times. What is there to look forward to? But if you believe in another religion, do you have joy because you think you have hope? Or does joy only come from being in Christ? Is a joy a result of being sure of what we hope forand certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1)? Kind of like security?

Gotta go.
Mara

Baby, do you like my sweater?

I need band names. Because my band is nameless. So. Give me ideas.

Here's what we have so far:
Elias (or Elyas, depending on whether I win or not)
The Final Pardon


Yep. That's all. Soooo if you have cool ideas let me or one of the guys know. If you even know who "the guys" are.

I am in Graphic Design. It's yet another slow day. I move too fast for this class.

MSN works on these computers. *wins*

Job was an interesting person. Back in the olden days.

Mom is on GTalk I think so I'm going to go talk to her now.